Un....

Lately, I've been obsessed with hairstyles. Mainly because mine is looking like shit. Or so I thought until I started looking around.

That's when I realized that women's hairstyles fall into two categories for me. Fuckable and unfuckable.

Yesterday, on my way to work, I saw a woman coming at me in traffic with a severe bob. Now, I appreciate that your stylist wants to try something new. But for me, this is unfuckable.


It's harsh. Severe. I don't want to fuck it.

If your hair doesn't move, it's unfuckable in my opinion. I want to run my fingers through it. I want to mess it up and grab you by the nape of the neck and hold on because I want to...not because I'm gunked in by a bunch of hairspray.

But that's just me.

Man, Am I Glad THAT'S Over!

For the past eternity, my Love and I have been putting her mother's recipes into a recipe site called Tastebook. We finally finished with all 115 recipes, only to realize that we are limited to 100. The hardest part was whittling down those 15 recipes that wouldn't make the cut. Would it be the Cinnamon Flop? No, that one is from my Love's great grandmother. What about one of the 10 fish recipes? Nope, they LOVE fish.

Now it's off to the presses. I'm so excited for her mother to see all of her recipes in print and in one place. No more searching for her favorites among little pieces of paper and recipe cards.

Here's one that I can't wait to make this summer!

German Potato Salad

Fry six slices bacon until crisp
Six potatoes - cook in bacon fat until yellow
¾ cup chopped onion

Mix:
2 tablespoons flour
add ¼ cup (or more) sugar
½ teasp celery seed
dash pepper

Gradually stir in ¾ cup water and ½ cup vinegar. Cook stirring until mixture boils and boil 1 minute. Pour over potatoes and bacon.

Yields: 6 servings

Sometimes I Just Feel So Damn Lucky

Last week, I received a text from one of my favorite friends,

"When do you have time for dinner with me? I miss you!"

Last night, we met up at her house so that I could see her new photography studio and then headed to Ellendale's for dinner. We started out with Cosmopolitans. Would you believe that I've never had a Cosmopolitan?! Then onto our salads and a fabulous bottle of wine. I had the Grouper with Spaetzle and she had a Bleu Cheese Filet with Chianti Reduction. Really great food! We finished strong with a Brownie with Cinnamon Ice Cream and a Creme Brule. Heavenly!

As I've gotten older, I don't make the distinction of "best friends" anymore. That term was used against me in my last relationship and I know how hurtful it can be when you don't live up. I know how painful female friendships can be when they don't work.

Today, I received an email from her:

"Thank you again for a wonderful evening.....it is always so great to have time with you.....I just love love love you!!!!!"

If you have a friend that you haven't called or seen in a while. Pick up the phone. Send a text. Mail a card. Be the kind of friend that you want to have. Leave someone at home for the evening and have some time for yourself. You're worth it.

Boobs: Make Mine A Small, Please

Supermodel Marisa Miller named Maxim Magazine's most beautiful woman in 2008

For the last half hour, I've been trying to find some decent boobs on the internet to show you *exactly* what I like. Even Marisa's are just a tad large for my liking.

I dated a woman with ginormous boobs, one time. Get that? One time. There was nothing but tits in that bed, between the two of us. Boobs everywhere! I hated it. I couldn't get out of that situation fast enough. It was so distressing to me, that I remember nothing else about the sexual encounter. Not one thing. Liz could have been the most fantastic woman in bed and I didn't even notice because there was too much boobage involved.

I was 21 at the time and never again have I dated over a B cup. I just *love* you B-girls. They fit right in my hand. Not too big if you flap 'em in my face. We can actually get close enough to kiss when we hug!

All of this titty stuff got me to wonderin'...

What do my straight girls and gay guys think about the weenies? Do THEY have likes and dislikes, too? Do some like 'em fat and some like 'em long? Honestly, this never crossed my mind before today.

I'm sure the straight guys and lesbian girls have boob preferences, just like I do.

What do you like?

Randomness

Yeah, I really don't have a post. But I have a thousand things to say. Now that I'm writing this, I'll probably only think of 387 of them.

#1: The above image is from La Paz, Bolivia on my trip to South America last year. I have the Travel Bug bad! I'm going to Dauphin Island next month....but that really doesn't compare to South America, nor does it give me the fix that I need.

#2: Yesterday, I signed up for Twitter for the sole reason of winning more Swagbucks. (They give away 20 per day to their followers and I've already accumulated $20 towards my KitchenAid mixer!) I wasn't really planning to twit. I don't even know HOW! On day two, Dana, Southern Sage and Ann are following ME. Now I feel all pressured and shit. If only I'd signed up on Sunday. I could have twitted about the Sunday Night Screaming Sex that ended with my girlfriend saying, "Good thing we don't have any neighbors, because the police would be here by now."

#3: The pollen is KILLIN' me this year.

#4: We took all of the girls to the lodge this past weekend. Damn lotta fun! Have you ever had the perfect group of friends? No drama. Everyone can cook. They're all fun and nobody gets their panties in a wad. We had the best time! I wish you could have seen us all clapping for ourselves after this pic. We finally got it RIGHT! (which is not easy when there are doggies involved!)



#5: We are changing our pool over to salt water this summer. Ima so excited! I hate all of those chemicals and that smell. It's wonderful having a girl that can do shit like that.

#6: We're putting a new roof on the house and I'm thinking about the green. I like the green roof/log cabin look. The black and grey roofing just looks wrong for a log cabin to me. What do you think?

Wishing everyone a wonderful day!

Define Girl

On Friday's AOL Health:

Tennis Controversy: Female Player (with Male Past)
By Mary Kearl

Who does a person born with both male and female sex organs, but identifies as one gender in particular compete against in sex-segregated sporting events?

Sarah Gronert, a 22-year-old tennis pro from Germany who was born with both male and female genitalia, has chosen to compete against women, and that has some in the tennis community up in arms. "There is no girl who can hit serves like that, not even Venus Williams," says the coach of an opponent Gronert recently beat. The coach, Schlomo Tzoref, also claims, "This is not a woman, it's a man." Is Tzoref just a disgruntled coach, trying to stir up controversy, or is there any validity? What makes a man a man, and what makes a woman a woman -- and how does either affect one's ability to win?

Now, I just don't know what to say. She LOOKS like a girl to me. And I've seen a lot of girls. But maybe I'm not looking in the right place.

How should we define female and male? By chromosomes? By sex hormones? By looks?

Personally, I think we should let the person define themselves. If she *feels* like a girl, she's a girl.

We've Got A Winner

Sandi of well, I don't know her blog name, won the Indigo Girls album! I'd link to her if her blog was open to readers, but it's not. So not only can I not see her blog, you can't either. Sandi must have some nasty stuff on there! ;)

Now we ALL want to see, Sandi!!!


Sandi said...Please put me into your drawing, I need the CD so I can keep my toaster.


Apparently, she's trying to keep the toaster that she received from the Lesbian Appliance Alliance. You see, we receive appliances when we recruit new women into lesbianism. Not only is recruiting FUN, but you can outfit your kitchen.

I'm really bad at recruiting. Not once have I been with a straight chick and turned her gay. Not once. Sad, isn't it?

This is precisely why I don't have a Kitchen Aid mixer.



P.S. But I am working on getting the Kitchen Aid mixer with the pasta attachment. I've accumulated $15 so far in Amazon.com gift cards by searching on Swagbucks.com. When I finally get it....I'm having you all over for homemade pasta with Balsamic Butter Sauce!

Don't Take My Word For It....WIN The Indigo Girls Album!

Yesterday, I reviewed The Indigo Girls' new album, Poseidon and the Bitter Bug. I didn't like it, my Love did.

Opinions are like assholes and I want to let you form your own. I emailed Kurt and asked if I could give away a copy of the album. He said YES!

If you'd like a chance to win, just leave a comment on this post. I'll randomly draw a name on Friday morning and it'll go in the mail Friday afternoon. That means, you'll probably get it Monday, which is light years, or at least a day before everyone else can buy it.

Good luck!

It Makes Me Want To Run Screaming

Poseidon And The Bitter Bug, that is. The nice folks that are marketing The Indigo Girls' latest album sent me a free demo copy. No strings attached. I didn't have to blog about it. But since they're trying to get the word out, I am gonna blog about it. I doubt they'll like what I say. Unless the whole "there's no such thing as bad press" thing really is true.

I hate it. It makes my veins turn inside out.

I love some of their previous albums, so I was VERY excited to hear it. I tried to like it. I just don't. Even after listening to it completely through three times. I. do. not.

The song, Love Of Our Lives actually gave me hope with it's title. But it's about being broken and fighting for that love. More angst. More struggle.

My girlfriend loves some of the songs. To each her own. Sadly, she doesn't have a blog where she can go on and on about how fabulous it is.

Maybe I'm in a different place now in my life. Well, I know I am. I like positive things. I like happy endings. I like uplifting music. This album is none of those things. Poseidon And The Bitter Bug is well, bitter.

There's blood, cuts, forcing of cards, trudging to the stream and bloody hands.

However, the vocals ARE fabulous. I guess I'm too old to just listen to a song and enjoy it for the sound. I love their sound. But by the end of the last song, I actually said, "Jee-sus" out loud in my car and flipped to the next song....which was the first song.

Judge for yourselves by clicking HERE for pre-order info. It's releasing next Tuesday, March 24th, 2009.

I know what the Indigo Girls would say. As they said in Second Time Around, "Sister, doncha judge it, just keep it to yourself now. If you ain't got nothing good to say, don't say nothin' at all."

Perhaps, I should have just said nothing.

Come On Over To My Den

Opium on Film "Dandy-Pacha" (France; 1908-1918)

For the past week, I've drifted off to sleep with the help of a codeine cough syrup.

Sweet, coughless sleep. In my codeine stupor, I dream of Opium Dens. Luxurious beds draped in rich fabrics of velvet and silk. Reds, purples, deep blues. Beautiful women walking around in wraps of color holding trays. Trays of my sweet elixir.

A beauty holds out a crystal teaspoon full of cough syrup. Cherry or Orange?



I'm feeling so much better. If I could just get rid of this lingering hacking. Back to work tomorrow after an entire week on the couch. I bet my desk looks like a disaster area. But I'll be so happy to dive into it!

I Got Nothin'

Spending four days on the couch gives me very little to blog about. My bronchitis turned nasty on Wednesday and instead of getting better, I became worse. I couldn't breathe without coughing. My mother had to drive me to the doctor for a breathing treatment, stronger antibiotics, and a shot of something to reduce the swelling in my lungs.

Apparently, I cough too hard. The doctor told me that I came close to blowing a hole in my trachea and it was almost closed from all of the swelling. I guess that's why it is hurting so hard to breathe. To be honest with you, I expected for them to put me in the hospital. I thought I had pneumonia.

Since Tuesday, I've been barely breathing, trying not to cough and watching tons of shitty daytime TV. Lots of funny stuff on HGTV, but the hydrocodone cough syrup may have contributed to that.

I had to go back to the doctor today for another breathing treatment with white light and seawater and a shot of adrenalin. Tomorrow, I have to go back for another trip to the doc. I'm trying to buy him a new ride. Perhaps something sleek and black?

Absolutely nothing has happened in my life except that my mother and my Love are the two sweetest people on the planet. But I already knew that.

Bronchitis and Diarrhea

As funny as that combination sounds...it's not when it's YOU.

This virus that I've had for the last five days originated in the depths of hell. That's the only explanation that I can think of.

I've been holding down the couch doped up on cough syrup. Breathing through my mouth. I can't sleep for the coughing, but I can't stay awake because of the cough syrup. I don't even feel like taking a shower today. Whoever is hitting me with a hammer has made sure of that.

I'll be back, soon. If you need a laugh...you should stop by and look at my hair. Even the dogs are giggling! ;)

If You Pray....

Please send one up for my friend, KC. He was in a bad car accident a few weeks ago. He was thrown from the vehicle breaking bones in his back and injuring his neck.

He's paralyzed from the chest down. But he had feeling and the use of his arms and hands.

Today, he lost that. The doctor's don't know yet what happened to cause this.

If you pray or think positive thoughts or send vibes....

I'd like to ask you to send some his way.

Cheap Ass

Although I'm one of the lucky ones that still has a job, it's crossed my mind that I could become amongst the jobless. I work in construction and right now, in TN...it sucks. Our company has one meager project and nothing on the books after that.

Which is why lately, I've been trying to cut back. Find ways to save and make a few extra bucks.

I've been cruising the coupon sites. And finding some mighty cool stuff....

There's a free RoastBurger from Arby's (you've gotta buy a drink)!
A buy one, get one free sundae from Baskin Robbins. Click here.
The spend $25, get $5 off from Rite Aid. Click here.
There's a free fry and drink coupon for Jack In The Box.

Sadly, none of these are helping my ass get smaller.

My latest obsession is Swag Bucks. It's a search engine powered by google, but every time you search you can win 1, 2, 5, or up to 100 Swag Bucks and then trade them in on tons of cool prizes . I've been using it for about two weeks and am well on my way to a $5 Amazon.com gift card. Not much....but I don't have to do anything different and I like getting something for nothing.

You can search for Swag Bucks on their blog or on their Facebook page. And I may have done that on my breaks about a zillion times.

If you're so inclined, check it out here: Swagbucks.com


Yeah, they give you a little referral bonus. How's that for being upfront? If you wanna try it and don't want to give me a referral, no biggie. I just think it's fun to use their search feature and get free stuff for doing what I do anyway.

Do you know of any cool free stuff? Cuz I'm just. that. cheap!

The Best Ice Cream In The World

These last few days, I've been reminiscing about my trip to South America last March. This is the one story that will never leave me. I may forget the dried llama fetuses and chewing coca leaves to scare off my headache, but I will never forget this ice cream.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Our last day, in Santa Cruz de la Sierra, Bolivia is Palm Sunday. We are waiting in the grand courtyard in front of a Catholic Church with palms laid on the front of it. It's 10am and our plane leaves at 11pm. We have an entire day to sit in the courtyard and people watch.



My aunt Kathy wants an ice cream. Just like she does every day. I walk with her through the palm trees in the park where hundreds of people gather to spend Palm Sunday afternoon. It is 70 degrees and sunny and a breeze makes it a perfect day.

We hear music in the corner building on our way to the ice cream shop. Obviously, a child's party is going on. Balloons are everywhere. Arches of balloons. A live band. Food and drink.

We walk past the noise coming from the open windows beneath gorgeous architecture. On the sidewalk sits a beggar woman on a blanket. A little girl accompanies her playing shoeless in a blue velvet dress that is almost too small. It's a special day and she has dressed her in her best. She holds out her hand, and I place my coins inside the brown wrinkling of her hand.
I wait on my Aunt Kathy amidst dozens of people getting ice cream on the warm day. People shuffle around me and no one notices her. She has two balloon remnants from the party that she's not invited to and is filling them from a drain tube coming down the side of the dirty wall.

Normally it would drain onto the ground, but she's thirsty. She fills the balloon and drinks. I feel myself staring.

Aunt Kathy asks me again if I'd like some ice cream. I'm not hungry. I don't want any ice cream. I can't believe all of these people are oblivious to this little girl.

I say, "Yes, I do. A child's portion."

The guys behind the counter are laughing and having a great time. Asking me in broken English what I want mixed into my ice cream. My throat closes and tears well up in my eyes. "It doesn't matter."

They laugh and ask me again. Surely I want some thing mixed in!

Strawberries? Chocolate syrup? Oreos?

"Si, oreos. por favor."

He hands me a huge portion of ice cream with a middle layer of oreos with a tiny spoon and napkin.

She's still filling her balloons. I squat beside her and peck her velvet covered shoulder. Her eyes light up. She takes the ice cream and sits on the blanket.

Her mother looks at me, smiles, touches her brown hand to her heart and points at me.

That was the best ice cream that I've ever had.

Traveling Without Certainty

Last year, on this very day I was planning to leave on my trip to South America. I was completely discombobulated. Leaving on a plane tomorrow. I hadn't had the luxury of planning for six months as I usually do.

There was no losing 30 pounds. No knowing exactly where we are going. I don't understand altitude sickness and the lack of air.

No certainties. No plans. No expectations.

I miss it. I love the getting ready of it all. The little tubes of toothpaste and what to put in my backpack for the plane. What treats to take for the children. Balloons? Candy? Chocolates?

We're going to Vegas this summer with a gaggle of other lesbians for three birthdays. My Love's, my best friend's and my best friend's sister's girlfriend.

I'm excited about that trip, but what I really hunger for is another trip with my uncles and aunt. I'd love to take my girlfriend so that she could experience another culture without plans. Tasting quinoa soup with Godknowswhat floating around in it. Local wines. Smiling at people who don't understand me hoping that they can feel the love in my heart. I want all of that for the woman I love. I want her to experience what I love about travelling with my family.

We will go with them. Maybe next year. But not this one. Everybody's cutting back this year. Including us. But next year...it might be China. Or Morocco, Spain and Portugal. Or Africa....like my aunt wants.

My question for you is....if you could go anywhere, where would you go? and why?

The Boob Tube....Actual Photo

This is it. A dimly lit hallway. Lesbians on each side.
Just waiting for some unsuspecting female to need to "go."

After the hockey game on Saturday night, we make our way to the Lipstick Lounge for a libation. After standing in the middle of the dance floor for five minutes, I head for the hallway near the bathroom. There are never any tables or standing room left by the time we get there. I'm annoyed.

Soon, everyone gathers in the hallway after saying their hellos and grabbing something from the bar.

Without Becky, my Boob Tube partner from last time, I relax back against the wall. Until someone that remembers us comes through and requests to be boobed. Imagine women lining a hallway and shimmy-ing their boobs against you as you walk through. Heaven, I know.

And so it began. Again.

THEN, the cutest little femme came up to me. I immediately recognized her as Kelly from The Keeper of the Sanity. (And yes Kelly, you DO need to blog more. )

After reading her blog for over a year, I finally get to meet her. What a sweetheart! She either loves the Boob Tube or she has a horrible bladder control problem. I'm thinking the former. She must have tubed ten or twelve times.

But we never turn down a victim or new friend as the case may be.

I'm The One In The Middle

After the Preds had sufficiently smeared Detroit's ass in hockey Saturday night, we decided to walk down and get a calendar of the smokin' hot Predator's Ice Girls. As lucky would have it, we ran into them. Of course, they asked for a pic with me. Who am I to turn down a couple of hot chicks with gold pom-poms?

There's lots more to tell about that night. Lots more. Including more Boobie-Toob adventures and the meeting of another local blogger.

Come back later.... and I'll tell you ALL about it! ;)