Friday, January 29, 2010

Girls, I Have A Question

Last weekend, I had to run into a store to buy some "essentials" and some new work clothes. As I'm picking out new undies, the salesperson says, "Do you have a bra to match that?"


Now, am I just totally untogether? I might make a minor effort to wear blue panties with my blue bra, but if it's not clean and well, on top of the stack, I just pick up the next pair.

Today, I have on a periwinkle blue bra with lavender panties.

What are you wearing? Are you a Matchy McMatchington or a whatever's on top girl like me?

Curvy Brides is where you can buy the above set!

Thursday, January 28, 2010

All Is Well

Just wanted to say thanks for all of the kind thoughts. My Love is home and resting comfortably, while I'm running around in my nurse's outfit! Only difference is, I don't have my belly button pierced. Well, that and a few other things....

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Prayers and Happy Thoughts

Tomorrow morning, the love of my life goes into surgery to have her knee cartilage fixed and a cyst removed. So, if you have an extra prayer or happy thought, send it up for me.

It shouldn't be a major ordeal, I'm just a supreme worry wart.

I suppose I should iron my nurse's uniform....

Monday, January 25, 2010

RERUN: Jump, I Mean JUMP!!!!

It's 1982, my Mustang is white and looks just like this one. Down to the pin stripes and red interior. I'm a Junior and allowed to drive my own car to school. But I can't seem to remember to turn off my lights when I get there. I am constantly walking out to find my battery is almost dead. I blame it on the hormones of being 16.

On a warm March afternoon, it happened again. Except this time, my battery is dead.

I'm in 2nd Period Photography class with a bunch of football types and I know they're still around for practice, so I head for the gym. I see James, a 350 pound friend and I know that he'll help me.

"James! Hey, I need some help. I left my lights on and now my battery's dead. Can you jack me off?"

I never will forget that day. A guy left his lights on in the parking lot last week and came in looking for jumper cables. I just keep my mouth shut during these times. Because I *know* that I'll say JACK when I mean JUMP! And that ain't EVER happening again! ;)

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Sexy Tat Saturday

Skyler's Dad is always cracking me up on Bad Tat Tuesday, so when I saw THIS, I just had to have a Sexy Tat Saturday.

If you haven't been to SkyDad's House, you're missing out!

Friday, January 22, 2010

Both of The Girls Know

I had to tell the other one as soon as she was off of the phone. I hate to be left out and I just don't do it to other people. And since the office manager had 1,000 was only fair to let her in.

We all three get along so wonderfully! We laugh and work and laugh and work.... all day long.

Last Friday, I was just going to help them for a few days. I'm still there. I share a desk with a 34 year old brunette. Seriously. We BOTH sit behind it side by side. It's kinda cute.

The owner walks up today and says, "I think I need to get you two a love seat!"

I think my Love might have a tiny problem with that!

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Off And Running

I'm helping out one of the neighbors in our business complex this week. Just doing office grunt work. Basically, whatever they need done. And since it was only going to be for a few days, I decided to not wear my lesbian love slave ring. That way, there would be no questions. No awkward tellings.

I prefer people to get to know me before I "come out."

Day 1:
Her: Do you have any kids?
Me: No, but I do have two dogs that are my fur-children.
Her: Are you married?
Me: Nope, not yet!
Her: Do you have a significant other?
The phone rang and off she whisked.

Day 2:
I forgot. I wore my ring. It's habit at this point. I feel naked without it and since nobody at MY office asks any questions...

Her, looking at my ring and whispering because the other girl is on the phone: So, do you have a husband?
Me, whispering: No.
Her: A boyfriend?
Me: No
She's looking puzzled at this point. Long silence.
Her: Oooh, do you have a girlfriend?

"Off and running!" Name that movie!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010


I'm standing there at the mammogram machine with my boob hanging out and the tech said, "Awesome!"

Me: "Thank you."

She sees a lot of boobs and well, if *she* thinks so, who am I to argue?

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

The Demons

On Saturday, December 12th, I gave up sugar. No more desserts. No diet yogurts. No cereals. And God help me, no ice cream.

I have been having a fairly easy time of saying "NO" to sugar. Until today. Today I want to reach for anything sweet. For comfort. To ease that craving that's driving me out of my mind.

I know it's not heroin and it may not seem important to you. But for me, it's fuckin' tough. I feel like a junkie that needs a fix.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

We're Here, We're Queer, Get Used To It!

Yesterday morning, my favorite neighbor called to ask if I wanted to go for a walk. He left a message and said that he had big news.

"Of course. What time, where are we going and what's the news?"

"Now, here and the chick on the corner's a lesbian, too!"

We walked around the neighborhood and stopped by to see if she was home. Just to say hi and to introduce ourselves. She wasn't. We finished our walk and as we were walking up his driveway, I said, "Does she drive a red sports car?"

He wolf whistled. She didn't hear him, so he called her as she was walking in her door. She hustled over to meet us with a huge smile on her face. We watched the Kentucky basketball game and got acquainted.

If you are straight and live in my neighborhood, you're currently the minority!

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Lemme See You

I missed it last year. But this year, I'm holding you to it. De-effin'-lurk!

Throw open your trench coat and say hello! Let me see you and allow me to get to know you. That's the best thing about blogging...the wonderful people that I've met here!

Go ahead. Do it!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

The New Male Neighbor That Became My Friend

Bond says it might be WHY I dream of bananas. I just thought I might need a good, BIG banana.

When I took over the little goodie bag to his house, I knew that we'd be friends. When he came over to thank me and I met him, I knew that I was right. He brought over a casserole and told me that he was gay and I liked him a little more.

We sat on the porch and rocked and he quietly told me that he had a partner of 13 years. A blue Mustang drove up and a long, tall drink of water of a man stepped out that I like just as much as my new neighbor.

We have movie nights. They make soup and they bring it over to eat in front of the fire. We spy on each other. We drink gin and tonics. We share recipes. If we're out for a walk, we stop in for a beer and never finish the walk (and sometimes have to be driven back around the corner.)
We call if we're going into "town" even though it's only 5 minutes away. We hug and kiss each other hello and goodbye.

I feel like I have found a part of my family that I didn't know existed.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

I Dream Of...

the strangest things, sometimes. So, I recreated my dream in hopes of figuring it out. But nothing. My Love and I just don't get it. The chocolate one really does my dream more justice than the Heath Bar Crunch one. You've just got to love that glistening top!

Any ideas?

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Vodka Mom's Gonna HATE Me...

but something HAD to be done. Antifreeze isn't an option, because the dogs might drink it. You see, we have a fence with a gate. The gate has a post that goes into the ground to hold it in place. The post has a...

(I don't know why she ate the fly...perhaps she'll die!)

pipe that it goes down into. And the pipe has water in it. Why? I dunno. But it always does.

This past week, it's been effin' cold here. The water froze in the pipe and we're stuck inside. The gate can't open without us...well her, shaking it and unsticking it from the ice.

Last night, I see her walking outside with the vodka bottle and pouring Real Live Vodka down into the hole.

Vodka Mom's probably out there right now with a straw! ;)

P.S. It just occurred to my how ODD it is that she used Rain Vodka for this!

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

I'm Close To Being Done

“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.” ~ Mark Twain

P.S. It's not the love of my life. :)

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Yes, She Did

Just when I thought that they had forgotten my birthday. Perhaps Trixie could use a thesaurus for HER birthday?

Notice the last line of the letter.