Monday, March 29, 2010

Saturday, March 27, 2010

A Man Between My Legs

It's been a LONG time, since there's been a man between my legs. Until today, when I went for a ride with a friend of mine. My newest neighbor buddy.

I receive a text telling me to get ready. He is headed over to pick me up. I'm freshly showered and my hair is still wet, but I hustled to get myself looking as close as I could to a biker chick.

We pull off and I lean in laughing, "It's been a long time since I've had a man this close!"

Him: "There's another maneuver that is even more fun. We head down to the lake, park the bike and you're in front. You'll be facing me, naked!"

If I end up pregnant, you'll know I tried it.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

I Found Your Panties

Last Saturday night, we celebrated with friends. Met new people. Partied hard.

When we got home, things turned steamy and a bit wild. It was fantastic!!!!

The next morning, My Love says, "I've lost my panties that I had on last night." We KNEW when and where they came off, but they seemed to disappear.

This morning, as I was cleaning I found them. Tucked way down at the bottom of the sheets. Bunched up in a wad. Hiding and obviously terrified to come out.

Here's hoping you lose your panties this weekend!

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Life After 40

I recently told someone that life after 40 is so much better.... on her 40th birthday, only to have one of her friends question me.

What could possibly be GOOD about getting older?

I can think of about 1,000 things.

I don't put up with much bullshit any more.

I don't care if you're a millionaire. I care if you can carry on a conversation. I care if you are kind.

If you're a mean girl, get the hell away from me. I have no time for you and your two-faced, backstabbing BFFs. There are too many wonderful women in the world for me to bother with you.

Other 40 year olds *get* you.

Sex is so. much. more. amazing!

For those of you over 40, do you agree/ disagree and why? This is an essay question.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

I Do Not Like Them

Crickets. Grasshoppers. Anything that hops at me, sticks to my face and tries to kill me.

This morning, we had a meeting about our China trip. My uncle wants to see the fighting crickets. Yeah, I know. Talk about an obscure sport.

They have little houses for them. With beds. And all of the comforts that a cricket could want.

I cannot promise that I won't provide the comfort of the bottom of my shoe.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Has It Been TWO Years, Jay?

Long, long ago, I asked if anyone had any questions. And Jay had one. He asked:

Seems like more and more women are claiming to be bi these days. Do you think they really are, or do you think most of them are just "fashionably bi?" Hell, do you even believe that any person really is bi or do you believe we are either straight or gay?

That prompted the Fashionably Bi post.

My opinions are waffling all over the place now. I still believe that most of us fall on the scale somewhere, but pop culture has skewed that scale.

Last Saturday night, My Love and I headed out for a birthday party at the local lesbian bar. After the party, as I was sitting downstairs listening to the band, I took a look around.

My gaydar barely blipped.

Straight girls all over the place. Kissing on other straight girls. Breaking hearts of poor, little butch girls that can't see through the big hair and makeup.

Invading what used to be our sanctuary.

I just don't know what to think.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Keep Gays Out of the Classroom

Just in case they might MAKE children gay.

Next time I hear this, I'd like to introduce "them" to my parents.

My straight parents. Who are conservative. Who raised me well. Taught me right from wrong. Expected me to get good grades. Who didn't even KNOW any homosexuals.

And yet, THEY couldn't make ME straight.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

What The Hell....

Last night, I was in the master bath getting ready for bed, when my Love starts yelling my name. "GET IN HERE!!! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!!!!!!!"

I open the door and it sounds like a mongoose is in my bedside table trying to get out. As I get closer, I realize what it *might* be. The second drawer down is reserved for items with batteries.

Opening the drawer, I pull out the culprit and throw it on my Love.

"What the hell is going on. When did you last use this?"


"Well, yesterday I tried, but the batteries were dead."

Do batteries regenerate?

Monday, March 15, 2010


A while back, my Love and I, along with our two dogs went to Jamestown, TN to our family's little cabin in the woods for a little R&R. I told my mom and my best buddy where we were going. That's it. Nobody else.

Now this place is remote. Ten minutes off of the paved road remote and 30 minutes outside of a small town. Only one other house on the road and entirely too far to run to in case of horror movie type stuff happening.

We get up there. Jammie up. Watch movies. Eat dinner. Go to bed. Perfect.

My cell phone rings. It was LATE LATE LATE...1:45am. I was so deeply asleep that my Love had to wake me. I fumble in the complete blackness for my phone. Restricted number and I'm too late. Hmmm...probably a wrong number. We lie there for a few minutes trying to go back to dreaming.

Then the lodge phone rings. Now THIS number is hard to get. You pretty much have to be a member of the family or a past renter to have it. Again, in the blackness I run to the phone all the way in the kitchen.

Hello. Hello? Hello???

Nobody there. Then an odd fast busy signal.

We go through all the possibilities. Nobody has both of these numbers. Must be my parents. They're old and it can't be good. I call their house. Wake my Daddy up. Nope, everything's fine.

Must be the Best Buddy butt calling me from her phone. I call her. Freak HER out since I'm never up past 10pm! Not her either.

No one else knew we were there and so few people have both my cell and the lodge phone number. It's hard for me to believe that there were two wrong numbers on both phones. And both were restricted numbers.

I'm blaming it on my ghost.

P.S. Raise your hand if you knew it was a rerun! I had another odd experience last night, but I wanted to remind you of this one first.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

All You Can Do Is Ask

Sometimes, I ask for I did here. And they happen.

It totally blows my mind. Not only that these things happen, but that people like you actually care enough to send up a little prayer or a positive thought floats from your head into the universe. For me.

What I really wish is that my Love could go. That she would WANT to go. And experience the type of travel that is so different than going to Vegas. I call it Travel Without Certainty. In Vegas, it's safe. It's AMERICA. You can always go around the corner for a burger if you're hungry. You can read the signs. Life around you looks familiar.

But I crave the unfamiliar. I desire the unusual. I want to see things that look completely different from my every day life. I need an explosion occasionally.

I want to savor every moment of the next ten weeks, but I'm so excited that I can barely contain myself. As Phrankie says, "I'm ready to stir the pot!"

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

China....Here I COME!!!!

I'll be flying to Beijing on May 22nd. Beijing looks like this:

and flying out of Shanghai on June 6th. Shanghai is gorgeous:

Saying that my parents are fabulous is such an understatement. I couldn't afford a trip like this right now. This is probably my uncles' last trip to China, so they are sending me. Otherwise, I'd never even attempt to go to China. My Love doesn't want to go and people that want to fly 18 hours to see the other side of the world are few and far between.

I'm still in shock. I can't believe I'm going to China in 10 weeks!

Friday, March 5, 2010

Rhymes with Meter Lampton

Mr. Lampton needed another person for his tour and that's the ring that I threw my hat into. My Love is BESIDE herself. And I'm not sure if it's because I'd be gone for 12 weeks or that she's THAT into the guy!

Being on a rock tour might be fun, but I'd much rather have a steady gig here. I'm hearing through the grapevine that someone's considering me for a full-time position where I was consulting a few weeks ago.

Keep those fingers crossed!

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Hope and Despair

Over the last few weeks, the lack of anything happening in the construction industry has finally caught up with our bank account. And frankly, I'm the fat hog here. I know who's going to get slaughtered and it's only a matter of time.

Since I know what's coming.....I've told everyone that I need work.

I've prayed for opportunities. I've visualized working where I want to.

And then I vacillate to total despair. But honestly, I'm trying to keep my chin up.

Yesterday, after praying for cellphone buzzed. It was a really, REALLY cool opportunity. REALLY. Short lived. Just a few months. But I'd be talking about it when I'm 80.

I threw my hat in the ring.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Happy Birthday, Dr. Seuss!

Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you.


You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself, any direction you choose.
~ Dr. Seuss

Both of those, I really needed to read today.