Tuesday, June 30, 2009

The Loop

I couldn't resist introducing you to Bar Refaeli.

Perhaps I'm out of the loop, but I think that calling a 13 year-old a "little bitch" is out of line.

It's not going to happen in my home again. I don't think it's one bit funny or cute. And I promise that I'm going to stand up for her if it ever happens again in my presence.

I defended her over and over these past few days. I complimented her. Told her that she was a perfect house guest. We sat on the bed upstairs chatting and laughing. She's a lovely teenager and caused not the first problem while she stayed with us.

I hope she doesn't know that her grandmother calls her that.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Do You Have "Gays"

Catrinel Menghia has nothing to do with this post.

This morning one of my favorite "private" bloggers, CheekyMonkey was talking about a friend of hers that was hanging out with "her gays" over the weekend.

Uh oh.

I don't think I belong to anyone.

I'm no one's "gay."

And I was up for grabs for just a few minutes until CheekyMonkey scooped me up and made me her gay.

Do you have any gays in your life?

P.S. No, I will not two time her. I'm all hers!

Friday, June 26, 2009

Fake Lesbians

I don't know whether to blame the models or the person taking the picture. Maybe it's the person who originally thought up this piece of crap that deserves the blame.

If the chick in the yellow bikini isn't careful, she's going to actually touch that girl trying desperately to straddle her without making contact.

And that's what has irritated me for the past 20 years. Chicks who poorly *pretend* to be lesbians. There's no way you're going to get an acting gig with pics like this floating around.

The Soundtrack of My Youth

I find it sad that the same media that tried to crucify Michael Jackson and portray him as a pedophile is now raising him up as the King of Pop.

For some reason, that just makes me hate the media even more.

I never believed the rumors that he was a pedophile. Perhaps he had me fooled, but he always seemed to me like a child trapped in a man's body. And that child just wanted to hang out with other children. Odd? Yes, but not criminal.

I'm about 7 years younger than Michael Jackson. His music was the soundtrack of my youth. He was a mega-star during my high school days. Every song stirs a memory. I had no idea until this morning, when I was walking and watching his videos on MTV, how much his music ran along side my life. Song after song after song. He truly was an amazing talent.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Good Morning Isabeli!


She was born the year I graduated high school. Ah, forget that part.

Let's all move to Brazil and be cowboys. Who's in?

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Let's Clean Out My Phone

I don't even remember where we were, but we got SUCH a big kick out of this guy/girl's pompador! You *know* Aqua Net was involved.


Ooh, and here I am getting my oil changed by "Brandi" at my local Valvoline. I took this picture to show one of my best friends WHY I needed to cut our phone call short. She totally got it...and then asked for the address of the place.

Awww...that's the view from my desk of my bird-girl. She's a Mourning Dove. She and her brother were raised in the little tree outside my office door and are incredibly friendly. They routinely walk by my window to say "good morning!"


And this guy scared the crap out of me yesterday morning. I am walking out to my car and hear "BLOOOP!" Something jumps into the pool. I walk over onto the deck and see this gigantic bullfrog. I doubted that I could catch him, but gave a valiant effort and won!!! I flopped him out into the yard where he croaked at me and hopped off.

Does that make up for the snake we murdered?

Monday, June 22, 2009

Read The Story....Then Name My Margarita!

Saturday afternoon, we decide to stay home and enjoy the pool by ourselves. No one to entertain. No cooking to be done. Nothing. Just My Love and I floating in the pool.

I'm completely relaxed. I need nothing.

But she does, "You know what would be good? One of your famous margaritas!"

I keep floating, hoping that she'll dart into the house and make us one. No such luck. She keeps on with the, "You make them so much better than I do," crap.

In the house, I gather up the liquors and think, "I don't wanna get back up. I'll just make us a couple of doubles."

I'm a lightweight and I have absolutely no control when it comes to this margarita. None. I drink 'em like water and then slur my words the rest of the afternoon.

I vaguely recall laughing while My Love spins me around the pool in circles on my float. Oddly, I love that spinning feeling and damn if a double spin (one on the float and one in my head) isn't the best feeling ever!

Feeling tired and hungry, I head in to take a shower. Apparently, she came upstairs and I mentioned something about the fact that no one has ever shaved me.

Sad, isn't it. Poor, poor me.

Icy cold water in a bowl. A very sharp razor. Shaving gel that smelled like Watermelon Now & Later candy. One thick, fluffy towel. And me lying on the bed being very, very still.

That was the closest shave I've ever had and of course, one thing led to another!

Here's the recipe. Now, what would *you* call this margarita?

Real Live Lesbian Margarita

1 oz. Patron Tequila
1.5 oz. Cointreau or Triple Sec
1 lime, squeeze it
Himala Salt: my favorite salt in the whole wide world

Chill your glass (if you have any forethought whatsoever) and fill with ice.
Generously measure the Tequila and Cointreau over the ice.
Squeeze the hell out of a lime.
Gently swirl all together.
Then top with just the tiniest sprinkling of Himala Salt
( they have no idea who I am, I just love their salt.)

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Ra Ra Ra!

Behold the lovely Joanna Cameron!

Every time, I drive through our local post office, I see this bumper sticker which says:

Isis * Isis
*Ra * Ra* Ra

It makes me smile.

What makes you smile?

Monday, June 15, 2009

One Thing Led To Another....

Link to story from image above.

Finish the sentence for me. Give me your best, true story.

Here's mine:

On the phone the day before, "I'll sleep on the couch or I'l get a room down the street." She was traveling from Georgia to meet me for the first time.

Dinner out at Mama Mia's.
Drinks at the bar at The Lipstick Lounge.

We arrived home, exhausted. I knew she wasn't going to sleep on the couch, but I didn't say anything.

I washed my face, brushed my teeth, dropped my clothes and climbed into my bed, smiling. Her overnight bag was in the floor and she headed to the other bathroom with her toothbrush.

When she came out, I said, "Hop under the covers and let's talk for a little while."

And one thing led to another.

Your turn....

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Like A Big Steamy Pile

That's how I've felt for the past week. I've had to force myself to do anything other than sit on the couch. I didn't even want to play in the pool.

Makes me wonder if it's leftover crap from that mono bug I had last year. Or if it's just me being 43 years old. Dammit, how'd *that* happen? How'd I get to be that old?

I feel 10,000 times better today, but all the softball girls are pissed that I didn't make it Tuesday night. And I hate it, too. They're such fabulous blog fodder!

P.S. Say hello to Emily Scott up there. Rowr!
Link to pic above:

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

How Could You Even Speak To Him?

I have an old friend and she has a new girlfriend of about a year. The new girlfriend invited us over when they first met and I met her brother. Lovely guy. Gay. Cute. Fabulous taste. And funny! We immediately clicked, but I never saw him again. He did however, hit me up on facebook. And occasionally we chat.

Unfortunately, my friend's new girl and her brother do not chat. They had some kind of monetary falling out and they just can't seem to get past it. My old friend, of course, stands by her girl.

Sunday, they came over for a cookout and I mentioned that I'd chatted with Matt online about the party.

"How could you even speak to him?"

Fortunately, lots of conversations were going on in the room and like an old lady, I just ignored it. That's one thing that I like about being in my 40s. I don't have to respond to everything. I don't have to answer every question. I don't have to explain myself.

Because frankly, he hasn't done anything to me. Why wouldn't I talk to him? I think what's going on between the siblings is just that. Between them.

And if you do take sides....and they make up....how do you make up with that person if you've blown them off for something that wasn't even done to you?

Thursday, June 4, 2009


On my way back from the bank and the post office, I popped in an old Pink CD. I know all of the words...and naturally started singing. A guy pulled up next to me and started laughing. I hope I made his day, but it didn't stop me from singing in the car.

Find a song you love and sing on the way home in the car. It's good for your soul.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

I Need A Man

A gay man, really. And I need him RIGHT NOW.

I'm an only child, so I am throwing my parents a 50th Wedding Anniversary Party. Long time, 50 years. Plus, 50 years ago they went to Ringgold, GA and were married by a Justice of the Peace. Nothing fancy.

Fast forward to now. I'm planning the party to make up for that simple wedding.

My mother picked out a cake with fuschia and orange flowers. But the party is going to be in September. So I *think* red and orange would be a more appropriate color scheme for my backyard where they just delivered an 8 foot white wrought iron scrolled archway. I'm planting the mandevilla on it this afternoon.

I know that I have four months, but I've never planned a wedding, um I mean Anniversary Party before. I'm stressed. I need a Cake Magician to replicate what my mother has picked out and flowers...I've GOT to have flowers....and decor.

Now you see why I need a gay man. Is the top picture too summery? I think so....but it could be damn hot in TN in September!

Gay men....HELP!!!!