Thursday, April 29, 2010

A New "Friend"

I receive a text from a good buddy of mine, that's been here plenty for dinner parties,

"I have a new "friend" that is coming to town this weekend and I'm cooking dinner, any suggestions?"

I'm thinking light, just in case it leads to something more than dinner. But, still impressive enough that it lets her know that she's special.

"Grilled steak au poivre with roasted veggies."

What was the best meal that anyone has ever made for you? One of my first dates made me steak with broccoli and maitre d' butter. I still remember her for that!

Image credit and for a great recipe: Choos and Chews

Tuesday, April 27, 2010



Another guest post by Dana


I read a lot of blogs, written by a variety of people, on diverse topics, but I'd have missed Tim Wise's "Imagine If The Tea Party Was Black" if it weren't for a Facebook tirade initiated by a dear friend linking to a blog that re-posted Wise's piece.

The closing paragraph really made me think:

And this, my friends, is what white privilege is all about. The ability to threaten others, to engage in violent and incendiary rhetoric without consequence, to be viewed as patriotic and normal no matter what you do, and never to be feared and despised as people of color would be, if they tried to get away with half the shit we do, on a daily basis.

I respect Wise's opinion, but I think he sees just one side of this. White privilege.

I hate that term ... probably because I'm white ... and privileged, yet I take offense to the underlying implications; that I am responsible for the privilege.

I benefit from college education privilege, but I don't try to keep others from improving their education. I benefit from tall privilege (I know that sounds odd, but as a 6' tall female, I command more authority professionally) yet I don't try to keep short people out of management. I benefit from straight privilege (by perception only), yet support LGBT rights actively. I do benefit from white privilege, but I don't hold others down to maintain that privilege.

Maybe the term "white privilege" stings a little more because I have a dog in this fight. My bi-racial son will likely not benefit from white privilege, in fact, I've had to raise him to do better than everyone else to insure he has (hopefully) equal privilege.

If I could take white privilege away, I would, and in my own life I do at every opportunity. I continually point out concerns when decisions are not made from a perspective of inclusion. I am always aware of my posture in social situations and how that might present itself in a negative light depending on the environment. I hold people accountable for their blatant (and sometimes covert) racism.

I have a great appreciation for Wise's perspective and his right to speak it, but I often wonder if this button-pushing approach does more harm than good. Tell me what I need to do to (without compromising my own heritage) to minimize the effects of white privilege. Give me the tools to help and I will. I don't know what the "other side" needs unless the "other side" tells me what they need, and presuming I do only exasperates the problem.

It doesn't have to be "Game over" as Wise states, unless one side refuses to play.


Friday, April 23, 2010

When You Pray for Opportunity and a Challenge....

be very careful. You just might get it.

I'll be working all day Saturday and Sunday. My Love has been at the beach on vacation all week and unfortunately, I won't be able to welcome her home properly. I'll be being all grown up and corporate and stuff.

Don't get me wrong, I am NOT complaining. I'm just always floored with the opportunities and challenges that I pray for that end up in a big pile for me.

And yes, I am grateful for every one of them.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Abuse of Power


"Many psychologists and psychiatrists have demonstrated that there is no relation between celibacy and pedophilia. But many others have demonstrated, I have been told recently, that there is a relation between homosexuality and pedophilia. That is true. That is the problem."
~ Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone


When I read this statement by Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone, the Vatican's secretary of state, I was beyond outraged. His statement, that the sex scandals haunting the Roman Catholic Church are linked to homosexuality and not celibacy among priests, is nothing more than the latest perverse strategy by the Vatican to shirk its ethical and legal responsibility.

I am exploring employment within my church - an administrative staff position. The single issue I've spent the most time considering is my responsibility to the church. Becoming a staff member of any religious organization requires constant vigilance - not just within the work place, but in every aspect of one's life. There is an expectation from the church body that those on staff are held to a higher standard. The church body looks to all staff members - not just pastors - for leadership and accountability.

Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone, the Vatican's second-highest authority, has a great deal of responsibility and power. Millions of people look to him for guidance. When Cardinal Bertone says that homosexuality, not celibacy, is the cause of pedophilia issues throughout the Roman Catholic church, he is abusing that responsibility and power.

For the record, there is not a single, reputable study that links homosexuality and pedophilia. THAT is true.


Sunday, April 18, 2010

Deserving Of The Karma

I was 21 and just out of my first relationship with a girl. We'd been together for 5 years on and off. Mostly off. Dramatic. Angst-ridden. Heart wrenching.

I'd finally gotten past her enough to go out with friends. I'd hang out. Goof off. NEVER dated. But this one night, we were at a bar. A cute, sporty butch girl was dancing and caught my eye. I caught her's, too.

As I was sitting on the step of the stage resting, she came up. It was extremely late and almost everyone had gone home from the most popular gay dance bar.

Cecilia was there with her ball team and invited me and my two friends to join them. We laughed, flirted and drank. It became later and later.

"Do you mind giving me a ride home? I rode with friends."

My heart leapt.

"Not at all."

She lived an hour from where I did, but I wasn't about to pass up this opportunity.

We pulled in her drive. Made out against the car.

Went inside. Made out in the kitchen grabbing something to drink.

Sat on the couch. Made out sitting up. Made out lying down. Made out against the arm of the...

""Shhh....did you hear that? I'll be right back. I think my girlfriend woke up!"

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Totally Stoked

For the past two weeks, I've been trying to get a visa for the group of us that is going to China in five weeks.

I received an email yesterday from the expediting service stating that the Chinese Embassy wouldn't accept any visa applications until the beginning of the month that you leave. That means, we'd have to wait until May 1st to apply.

We've already bought tickets. We're going.

And now they wanna tell us to stay home?

They say it's due to the Shanghai Expo, which opens May 1st. They're expecting 70 million visitors. If it's anything like what they propose on the website, it will be beyond fantastic!

We have GOT to go. Here's a link to all of the pavilions. I've never been to a World Expo. My excitement has grown to an entirely new level. I am beyond stoked!!!

P.S. I just received word that we're getting our visas. They're shipping them back to us on Monday! YAY!

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Size STILL Matters


*Waves at all of Lynn's readers*

Hopefully y'all will still come visit on Tuesdays even after you find out that I am going to be a permanent, semi-permanent, dry-erase figure here. Lynn is one of my first blog friends and it seemed like the least I could do was help her out a bit. You know - all of the demands of her new job - little time for blogging - significant life demands. But I think I may have been duped! Seems Lynn may have just nabbed me in her intricate web, to be consumed (so to speak) later.

So, what's a girl to do? Well, I'd say punt but I never could get that dang oblong pigskin to cooperate, so instead I give you Tara Lynn.

Tara Lynn is a GORGEOUS, 27-year old, bi-lingual (French and English), plus-sized (an honest to goodness size 16) model. She earned herself the latest "real woman" photo spread (20 pages) in French Elle.

There have been a few of these fat girl tributes in the media as of late (for those of you who don't know me, I am a fat girl so I have authority to use that phrase) - from the "real women" of Dove to V’s Size Issue (both of which I blogged about HERE and HERE). I have some issues with these tributes, for instance ...

What is this "leaping across the page, singing tra-la-la in the ugliest pair of shoes I think I've ever seen" shot?

And why must there be an obligatory nude shot? Not that she doesn't look fabulous, but I can't help but wonder if this isn't done to to quell the curious "But what does she look like without clothes on?" nay-sayers. And really, don't you think that wicker chair is seriously poking her in the butt?? Couldn't they give her a fluffy white rug to sit on?

And what about this black and white, artsy-fartsy ... oh hell! Who am I trying to kid?? Tara Lynn is just plain HAWT! So what's my point?

Well ... do you think the current flow of plus-sized models into fashion pages is a fad or is it for real? Would using women (curvy) rather than girls (stick-figure) as models be more impressive if they were ... well ... just commonplace fashion spreads rather than part of a huge fanfare of self-serving PR?

Does it matter?


Sunday, April 11, 2010


For the first time ever, I shared my suicide story with someone that

I know in real life. That was scary.

When I found out what happened to her, I grabbed her and hugged her hard.
She fell apart on my shoulder.

Sometimes, you just have to hug somebody.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Bible Study is Gay

*NOTE* With permission I have hijacked RLL's blog today. Since she can't tell me "no" because she's too busy to even log on to her blog, I thought I'd share a little story of what I hope is a glimpse into the views of many of this country's youth ... and a sure sign that my 14-year old son has the capacity to learn that his belt should be used to hold his pants up ABOVE his butt.


I volunteer for our church's middle school ministry and recently, during the small group Bible study portion of our Wednesday night gathering, Cam - my 14-year old son - was sent out of his small group for being disruptive.

As a side note, I truly believe there is some sort of exponential mathematical equation inbred in all children that gives them the calculated ability to find those moments that will cause their parents the greatest amount of embarrassment ... and seize them!

In an attempt to save face look like a responsible parent, I walked over to where he was sitting and asked what had happened. He told me they were talking about gay marriage in his small group and his leader told them that homosexuals were sinners. GAHHHH!

I love my church - I really do. It's the first church I have felt comfortable attending since my own teen years (long, long, LONG ago). I know where they stand on abortion (they value life) and where they stand on serving the community (they are all about reaching outside of the walls of the church), but I realized, at that moment, that I was not aware of their stance on homosexuality and same-sex marriage.

It was quite naive on my part. I just assumed that the caring, concern and inclusion I saw so much of in my church extended to ALL people ... not just all heterosexual people. I wondered what the fear was that would cause a 20-something, youth group volunteer to tell a bunch of 13 and 14 year old boys that loving someone was a sin. I wondered how many of those same boys have grown up in homes where they were taught to love everyone just as God does, but to be sure to find out their sexual preference first so that they knew whether to love them as a fellow Christ-follower or as a sinner. I wondered how I was going to reconcile this moral conflict for myself and for my son.

And then Cam told me the rest of the story.

When the small group leader insisted that homosexuality was a sin, Cam spoke up saying, "Doesn't God love everyone?"

His small group leader confirmed that yes, God loves everyone but that didn't mean homosexuality was OK. Homosexuality was still a sin and never OK in the eyes of God.

Cam then asked, "Aren't stealing, lying and killing sins too? And haven't you told us that God loves us even if we hurt Him by stealing, lying and killing?"

His small group leader apparently became a little flustered at this point and tried to backtrack.

Cam then looked at him and said, "That's what I thought. The Bible doesn't say it's a sin to love. God loves all people and doesn't care who they love. In fact, he wants all people to love each other. THAT is what the Bible says."

At that point he was told to leave the small group for thinking logically being disruptive.

After hearing the story, I realized that I didn't need to resolve any moral conflict for my son - he had resolved it for both of us - and hopefully for at least a few of the other young men in his group.

That exponential mathematical equation inbred in all children that gives them some sort of calculated ability to find those moments that will cause their parents the greatest amount of embarrassment? It works in an even greater capacity when it comes to pride, and at that moment I couldn't have been any more proud of my son's "disruptive" behavior.


Tuesday, April 6, 2010

That Little Trick You Do With Your Pinkie

Last night, our neighbors had us over for a cookout, since I've been too tired to cook. I was bleary eyed and exhausted, so I mostly just listened and ate.

Over the weekend, the neighbor husband and My Love had been outside drinking and talking late into the night. During dinner, he made mention of the sex talk they had that night. She blushed. Hard. Red. Head down, blushed.

Tonight, I asked her what they talked about. Apparently he wanted some pointers from the lesbian. And she explained the role of the pinkie.

Monday, April 5, 2010

AWOL.... and I don't know for how long

I am fortunate. Just when work at my family business diminished to nothing, someone with piles of work approached me.

I've gone from knowing my job backwards and forwards to going in an hour early and staying two hours late to learn and keep halfway current. By the time I get home, I'm not worth much. I'm done. I'm tired. I have a thousand things to say and absolutely no energy to say them.

Tell me a bedtime story. Or better yet....offer to guest blog. Hell, just take over. Jay, SkyDad, Dana?

I am so grateful to be employed. I just hate not knowing what I'm doing.

Thursday, April 1, 2010


You're never too old to fall in love and you're never too old to be hurt.

A friend of mine is hurting and it's breaking my heart along with his.