Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Being Goofy Will Get You Laid


Saturday night, after too many beers at a private party at the Flying Saucer, my love and I ended up having our only sober friend drive us to the local lesbian bar.

The Lipstick Lounge is apparently where everyone went last Saturday night, because when we walked in, the traffic stopped. The place was packed with women! There was no where to go... except the entrance hall to the restrooms. Every time someone had to "go," we would have to squish ourselves against the walls to let them barely slide through.

It's funny how people behave when they have to touch your body to get where they want to go. Some draw up. Some barrel on through. Some joke and enjoy the touch.

And that my friends, is how the Boobie Tube in the hallway began. The ones that enjoyed the encounter encouraged us. We stopped squishing back. Then someone we knew came through and Blaire and I shimmied them through with our boobies jiggling against them.

As the night wore on, our inhibitions loosened and soon we were shimmying everyone through except the folks that were obvious sticks in the mud. I should mention that we were both stone cold sober by this point, but we didn't let that stop us.

When the guy walked through, we assumed he was gay and pummeled him with our pleasure bags. Both ways.

He came back through about an hour later. Then again, saying his wife was afraid to use the restroom after hearing his tales. Uh oh. Perhaps he's been enjoying this a tad more than we thought! We promised not to attack her and left it at that.

Shortly after, a middle-aged woman in a white poofy sweater walks up looking incredibly timid. We gave her a free pass since she was so frightened.

You see, The Lipstick Lounge advertises itself as a bar for humans. Although it's an obviously lesbian bar, anybody is welcome. So, I wasn't surprised to see a couple of straight folks.

After enduring a couple of hours of karaoke, the dance floor opened up and we moved out of the Boobie Tube that we had created. We danced and danced and danced. As I was stepping down from the stage, Mr. Straight Guy was right there with his hand out to help me down. How sweet of him (or how naive of me)!

As he held my hand he said, "My wife is very interested!"

Me: Dumb look, then enlightenment set in. "Oh, sorry, my girlfriend doesn't let me play."

At that point, my girlfriend promptly yanked me forward, "No, I do not." She wasn't amused, but at least I know how to pick up the straight couples looking for a ménage a trois!

40 comments:

Ve said...

Fist!!

Ve said...

I meant fiRst.
First . . .

Bit freudian of me huh?

All This Trouble... said...

Who doesn't love boobs? I mean, really!?!

Glad you had fun. I miss goind out like that! Very small children can really cramp your style.

Jormengrund said...

Aww..

Sounds like you two had a great evening!

I bet that night was even better!

Great post RLL!

Akelamalu said...

Sounds like everyone had a great time!

Ashleigh said...

That is too funny. Glad you had fun flashing and squishing boobs.

Ann said...

Ooooo! Menage a naughty! Can ya blame him? :)

kimber p said...

your bar sounds very friendly..we have a similar one here called "Summit Station" and it's been awhile since we had date-night there, I think I'm going to have to plan one very soon :)

Knight said...

You had NO idea that married guy had his eye on you for a play date? Really?

Gary Rith Pottery Blog said...

I feel like I am visiting some alternative universe populated with aliens speaking a foreign language.... ;^)

meno said...

I'm with Gary, but i like it.

Ghost Writer said...

LOL The story was great but the Freudian "fist" delivered by VE cracked me up!

It feels like a challange now to be first commenter.........

Jules in Arizona - it 75 degrees here people!
http://jules11.squarespace.com/blog/

Kim said...

The Lipstick sounds like a super fun place!

Karen said...

How flattering for you. I love it.

~*Jobthingy*~ said...

LOL i love straight couples that try to pick up at gay bars and wonder why it doesnt work.. i go to the gay bar here and pick those couples out of the crowd. i love watching them try and make their move

Nolens Volens said...

Calling all lesbians for a FMF sandwich...anyone? Anyone? That killed me. I've been to a lesbian bar and I was lucky enough to learn the "etiquette" of being there as a straight male. Why was I there? My mom is gay. So you can see that I learned a lot. ;)

Merrily Down the Stream said...

Too much! Now I'll know what Gapetto is up to if he takes me to a lesbian bar...

Brad said...

Uptight people always make me scratch my head - what are you doing in a bar if you don't even now ow to have fun!?

I love the boobie tube - I wanna come partay with you gals!

Lu' said...

i've never been in a boob tube but I can't say I'd wait for the entry way to clear before heading to the lav' :)

Mrs. G. said...

I need to get out of the house more.

Dana said...

When I come to visit, can we do the boobie tube at the lipstick lounge? Please??

g-man said...

LOL @ Ve!!

That sounded like a lot of fun. I like me some boobies (as you may well know) and that would have been right up my alley.

Just out of curiosity, if you were single would you have taken the couple up on their offer?

Seamus said...

If you have to be in a crowd, best to enjoy the rubbing! :)

13messages said...

My wife and I love Lipstick Lounge. Without a doubt, it's the friendliest and coolest bar in town. Our motives are innocent enough as well: great karaoke, awesome drinks, and big laughs all night long.

Glad you had a blast! I'm reminded of back in the 90s, hanging with my lesbian best friend at The World's End so often. Good times and memories there.

tt said...

Bewbie squishes is how I've always greeted my friends.....with a hand squish or just plain ol bewb to bewb! Too funny....some of them now greet me with their hands over their chest! Seriously....life is short for bewbs sake....I say lighten up and have some fun...right? I know you agree ;)

And...she's interested?? really??? He said that??? guess you never know until you ask..flattering though...you are a hawttie.

Biscuit said...

OH, you know I do LOVES me some Lipstick Lounge! I once fell asleep on the potty there. :)

Slyde said...

i cant believe you just told the world my secret.

Being goofy has been getting me laid for years now...

Vixen said...

The Bobbie Tube.... hehe...

Now, that sounds like *MY* kind of a bar!!!

i am the diva said...

lol, pricesless. funny story - you minx, you

Scarlet said...

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun...but why do people assume you'll do ANYTHING just because you start a boobie tube??

CheekyMonkey said...

Ha, I'm jealous of your boobie tube!

ciara said...

hehe i prob would have enjoyed the boobie tube lol don't know if my husband would enjoy me enjoying the boobie tube though lol sometimes he's a bit jealous errrr uptight haha

Holy Crappers said...

That place sounds like a blast!!!!!



peace
#2

Tiggerlane said...

OMG...that place sounds like a lot of fun!!

I like the web site, too - I noticed the "humans" part right away!

myEYESwander said...

that sounded like a wonderfully fun night!

and that was also a great read that cheered me up immensely!

Kudos! : )

random moments said...

Omg, this is hilarious! You girls and your shennanigans. ;p

Fortune Cookies said...

Oh my god! I love the nights of being packed in the lipstick like sardines and being groped left and right and smooshing boobies with random strangers on the way to get a drink...those are the best!

Debbie said...

I came over from Merrily Down the Stream. You have a great sense of humor. I love the whole picture you painted of this bar. I'm thinking the guy's wife is having regrets about not making it down the tube.

C said...

in omaha, we have THE MAX. have you ever heard of it? my oldest son is gay, and he won mr. max last year! he has been doing fund raisers to assist kamp kendall here in omaha, ne. which is a summer camp for kids with HIV. very worthy cause. yep. i love brushing up against people and pretending i didnt mean it. I'm just a floozie anyways...
nah, jus kiddin. i'm a good girl.... ask diane...

C

Zed said...

Oh yes, I do miss that about waiting for the bathroom at large lesbo bars. Also I miss going to rock concerts where you practically have sex with strangers just trying to watch the show. Fun.