Sunday, January 4, 2009

Don't Beat Around The Bush


My best friend just called. She has a dilemma with her new girlfriend. One that has left me speechless. Since I have no idea what to tell her, I'm going to ask YOU. I need your opinion.

This is serious. She hasn't had a girlfriend that I've liked in oh....almost three years. She's finally met a good girl. Educated. Funny. Great Job. Normal.

Last night, they were fooling around and well, her hand wandered down there. It was furry. Very furry. As in never seen a razor.

My best friend is kinda funny about this. She likes 'em shaved or at the very least neatly groomed to a landing strip.

She can't un-know about the bush. She can't casually bring up about how she likes 'em shaved. Because the hand knows. There is no backtracking about the bush.

How does she get this woman, who is otherwise perfect to shave that thing?

80 comments:

Crys said...

hooooooooo, that's a hard one. i think the easiest way is to state her preference generally, in an innocuous setting. the woman in question might put two and two together and realize it's about her and do something about it. alternatively, just be straight up. I DON'T LIKE ALL THE HAIR OMG.

like that. ;)

Marinka said...

We all have personal preferences, but at some point, it's the person and not the hair, you know? Sorry, I have little sympathy for your friend. If it's a deal breaker for her, she should tell her girlfriend that. And let the hair fall where it may.

Gary Rith Pottery Blog said...

holy cats!

LSL said...

Is it completely naive to think she could tell her about her preference for something, um, less? I just think whatever my preferences are, I usually don't mind making small changes for someone else if it float their boat. You think?

nitebyrd said...

She could always have her read my story about how sexy shaving is! LOL Works for a man or woman.

Maybe your friend could look at some magazines with her girl and make some off-hand comments about how sexy she finds a well landscaped pube area.

Grant said...

Just leave notes around the house signed by Jesus and various historical figures like Abraham Lincoln telling her to shave.

SkylersDad said...

Perhaps she could offer to trim it down for her, letting her know that she thinks it's nicer that way while having fun with it.

SkylersDad said...

Keep offering to shave it until she can't feel any stubble with her tongue?

I am just full of good advice, aren't I? ;^)

phd in yogurtry said...

Advice to your friend: Get to know her better, eventually talk about preferences, or better, phrase it as a request, "I'd love to see your bush nekkid" or what have you.

I'm a trimmer, but I have a big issue with bald, or landing strip, personally. I'd feel affronted if someone asked me to shave. I don't want the itch, the hassle, the red rash. I have enough trouble trying to stay comfortable with a bikini line.

So yeah, I believe your friend needs to tread very carefully and diplomatically.

Dana said...

Well, being that I am no good at passive/aggressive behavior (OK, maybe once in a while) I feel the direct approach is best. Of course, not while they are making out, nekkid in bed or anything - just a civil discussion in an nonthreatening environment should do the trick!

Palm Springs Savant said...

yikes. that can be hairy. I mean sticky. I mean sensitive. Hmm let me dive in to what I want to say:
I always think honest is the best policy. She should start by asking her friend if she has grooms herself. Then suggest they groom each other one time. Perhaps set up a whole night, with candles in the bathroom, etc..

Scarlet said...

How about if your friend walks in and says, "How do you like my new haircut?" and shows her HER haircut. Then she could say, "Okay, now it's your turn" and break out with a razor.

That's what I would do if I were in that situation.

Gary Rith Pottery Blog said...

let's just be honest here and put it bluntly:
"honey, me and my tongue like it smooth, and I wanna make you SQUIRM and SQUEAL!"

Vodka Mom said...

oh scarlet- that was brilliant!!

Although, I wouldn't let a razor near my personal space for a MILLION dollars. (Let's just say there was a bad experience in my wild and crazy days. scarred for life- so to speak...)

13messages said...

Offering via pillow talk to shave/trim her herself sounds like a sexy way to bring up the topic. Good luck to your friend.

Cap'n Ergo "XL" Jinglebollocks said...

switch her shampoo with Nair. It's the only thing I can think of...

Biscuit said...

Golly, there's nothing worse than hacking on a pube. Okay, maybe flossing with one...

I'd be up front, too. She can say that she finds it sexy, and that it makes oral sex easier for her.

kimber p said...

all great suggestions here..(well, except the Nair one) I think I'd handle it with a question asked to the new gf such as "what are your thoughts about shaving monkeys?" If she expresses horror and starts to rant about animal testing, then I'd say you probably better just get her in the shower and let her watch you shave and then give her a wink as you suggestively leer at her hoo-hoo....
yeah....love a smooth hoo-hoo here :P

vixen kitten said...

Wow, some great suggestions here!

I have to say, I side with your friend. It's a deal breaker for me too. If I want to sleep with furry, I'd cuddle with my dog.

*shuddering at the very thought of sleeping with a chia pet*

i am the diva said...

They could do some Erotic Couple's Shaving, and just trim it... then the next time, trim some more... and so on... every time commenting how beautiful and smooth it is and tasty etc etc... she needs to be enthusiastic but not overly so her gf won't think she didn't like her BEFORE.

~Deb said...

Depending on your friend's personality and comfortability, she has to be honest. If her preference is completely shaven (which to me is just cleaner and softer), then she needs to state that. The visual itself is unattractive, to most at least. Or at least, trimmed to the point where it's not a fiasco venturing to the south pole.

HONESTY. It works.

RiverPoet said...

Oh honey, haven't you heard that the bush is back? Viva la fauna!

Many of us just don't like to shave anymore, but for the right person? I would. Chances are good that her girlfriend would, too.

If it were me (and if things like that were important to me), I might approach it like this - "Hey, I couldn't help but notice that you have a lovely, full bush. But I have issues with getting hair in my mouth. Would you might if I trimmed you up?"

That way, it's a team effort.

Peace - D

meno said...

I have NO IDEA what to say.

I am also wondering how anyone shaves there without the awful itching. I mean, it's not so sexy when i'm clawing at my privates because they are driving me nuts.

So i just trim.

Mind of MadMan said...

WOW..
Suprisingly easy one for the ManWhore I was...
I offer to shave her.. with trimmers and play the whole time. I always told them it turned me on, and it did.. I hated seeing Angela Davies staring back at me with one eyes and a crooked smile.
Shave that thang and find your long lost puppy.

CheekyMonkey said...

Oh my god, I just shot wine out my nose... geezus...

Um, well I guess I would do what my husband did YEARS ago and ask to "play"...Please, this will be sooo fun, you just lay back and let me take care of you... yumm..

worked for me. :)

Good god that's funny. I just picture her face as her hand approached the forest. **Snort***

Karen said...

Hey! We all have different styles. I am sort of offended that she feels that she must change this "otherwise" great girl.

It is just a "cosmetic" choice. Not everyone needs to be a porn star down there.

Jay said...

Well .. uh .. hmmm ... That's a tough one.

I guess she should try to find a way to bring it up without being rude about it. Just throw it out there as an idea. Or your friend could be talking on the phone with this new girl and say "Hey, I gotta go so I can shave my hoo-hoo. Talk to ya later, okay?" And see how the girl reacts. ;-)

Laura said...

wow!

Reading this sitting in my office......I just "undid" my scrubs to take a peek and check things out ....(lol)

Im not sure how to approach the situation...thankfully Ive never had to have it!

But being well groomed is a MUST!

I think I would just have to put it right out there and get it over with!

Tina-cious.com said...

Ummm... I'm a believer that you don't really love someone until you love them "the way they come" -- letting their own preferences be their guide.

Besides, humans aren't hairless.

Babies have nekkid pussies.

Not adults.

Akelamalu said...

If your friend can't bring herself to ask the girl to shave she'll just have to put up with it I guess. :(

Don't forget to come over and collect the 'little something' I have for you. :)

Rage Angel said...

I think you just have to be honest about it and then live with whatever happens.

Fu Manchu Dad said...

I think she oughta give it a go and then if she still can't deal, she should tell her girl, "I really love being down there for you, but it wouldn't it be even more fun if you shaved/trimmed?" then she should offer to do it for her, incorporating it into the fun. I don't think it would really be right to insist or demand in any way. And if she really won't, and she's really the great lady she seems to be, your friend may just have to make a concession on that one. If shes really the great girl y'all think she is, she'll most likely do it for your friend because she cares.
I would.
If I were a lesbian woman that is.
FMD

Knight said...

This is easy. The friend wants her girlfriend to clean it up so she should break out the razor and show her how.

Kate said...

I have no idea.
I say accept her just as she is.
but that's just me.

Fortune Cookies said...

Oh wow! That's quite a hairy situation! Let me tell you, I am like your friend, with a preference for the trimmed, or at least well groomed landing strips. My ex was an all-natural kind of gal. It was one of our biggest issues. I would gently bring up topics like how I disliked getting hair in my mouth, she would retort with comments pertaining to not wanting to subscribe to a pre-pubescent model of beauty.
It was a constant battle.
I say if the chick is great and your friend really likes her, get past the hair, it's just not worth it.

Ashleigh said...

To each his or her own.

ha. ha.

Trimmed is by far better.

Lu' said...

She could use this new romance as an opportunity to be up front about her likes and dislikes. Just tell her the preferance and ask if she wouldn't mind getting a trim.

Monogram Queen said...

Um she is just going to have to come right out and tell her in a non-judgemental way. Tricky!

Bond said...

I guess the question is...how serious are they?

I see no reason why your friend can not say...you know I dig you and want our sex to be fantastic...how about we take a bath and then let me shave you some and you can do me

Knight said...

I've got another idea. She could show up with a revved up weed whacker in the bedroom and maybe the girlfriend will get the hint.

Spiky Zora Jones said...

oh...I guess going the honest route is always the best...say what you like and hope she understands enough to give it at least a try.

Seriously.

Ciao honey.

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Or buy her a very very small bikini... I'm sure she will get out the razor, ready to impress. hehehe. :D

later.

random moments said...

I believe J and I found out about our likes and dislikes through a Playboy magazine. He pointed out what he liked and I said "it goes both ways Mister. I prefer well groomed too!" Happily ever after.

Maybe your friend should, err, buy a Playboy? *sheepish grin*

Good luck to your friend, touchy subject!

CrystalChick said...

Wow, what a topic! I've sure missed coming by your page while my computer was down.
But what to say... what to say???

I guess because you said this girl is otherwise really great that some fur doesn't seem like a bad thing. If theres a casual way she can bring up that she generally prefers a smooth shave there then I think she should mention it but if the girl is not receptive to the idea of shaving I don't think I'd give up on what seems like could be a really good relationship.
But I say this knowing that hubby really doesn't care about what I do there. We both do a very minimal amount of shaving/trimming and it's never been an issue. The itching and upkeep would be more bothersome to me I think.

Butch Boo said...

Deep breath and go for it!!

BB
X

Gin said...

Throw a naughty shaving party and invite all your friends. Make it known that you are all going to have a gang-shave. If this gal shows up, you'll know she's willing. You can make the cocktails and hors d'oeuvres appropriate to the situation... Chihuahua Chimichangas (hairless)...Bald cheese balls...bare berry tarts...Baldy Marys...shorn shots . And you can have strategic photos of kitty cats coughing up hairballs around.

Okay, so that may be going too far. How about just asking her?

Mik said...

Using visual aids like the following cartoon:

http://www.johnandjohn.nl/write/jaj528.gif

I Smile 2 Much said...
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I Smile 2 Much said...
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I Smile 2 Much said...
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I Smile 2 Much said...

Holyhell- this is a tough one.

I luv what everyone's said.

Hmmm~ If I were in your best friend's position; I'd wanna somehow, someway find out delicately what can be done.

I'd try to be as sensitive to the bushy gal as best I could; before just TELLING her as though it was the only way. Hmmm.

Maybe I'd reverse it to see what the bushy girl says (Gawd, I'm so sorry to call her that, I truly mean no offense by that)

And say, "Hey I was thinking it'd be really sexy & fun if you wanted to shave me...." just to see her response and go from there~

And then that way it would open it up to her in a very NON-threatening way so she can say one way or the other what she thinks and why, etc.

It kinda inadvertenly bring it up nicely into discussion. That way if the bushy girl has STRONG opinions one way or the other- it can be known at that time.

And hurt feelings can be avoided if the bushy girl is someone who'd be offended by that kinda thing~

Thats just me though.

It would really depend on how comfortable and open everything is with us. (If it were me, I mean)

If I knew the bushy girl wasnt the type to be offended by anything- I could just bring it up in conversation ... the topic of different waxing and shaving trends, etc. In a casual, subtle way.

Would definitely depend on the person's personality and her sensitivity level and all of that.

Sooooooo sorry I ramble so dang much. :(

Makes me think about how I'd handle it.

My apologies for the rambling words from me, the bare & hair-less type. ;)

I wish your best friend much luck~

a pot, a thought & a smidgen of dirt said...

LOL OMG this is to funny, sorry. Well I say be honest, or take her on a all day beauty and have someone wax it as part of the beauty day.

g-man said...

I think if she frames it like "You know what really turns me on? Shaving my partner." Then that may be the way to break the ice so to speak.

Holy Crappers said...

I say just come right out and tell her or as one poster stated....bring in the weed whacker!!! LOL

P.S. Love your blog....found you via the Beer DOC :)

peace
#2

Brad said...

Be more subtle. Have her talk about gardening and landscaping, and how she wishes everything in her life was as neatly trimmed as her backyard azaleas.

Or maybe I should just stop drinking.

Ve said...

Tell your friend I said . . . .

Invite Bush-girl into the shower.

Pick up razor and soap yourself as if to give her a shave show.

Fein a fall where you land with the razor having CAREFULLY cut a plug out of her posse of pubes.

Suggest that you finish the job so it won't look stupid, and then rave about how sexy it is.

Problem solved.

Tasty said...

give her a roofie & shave that thang! i dont play well.

Jormengrund said...

If she can't be open and honest with this new interest about a small thing like hair, then why worry about the relationship??

Seriously. Shaving or no is a simple and small thing compared to other things in a relationship. If she can't muster up the courage to be honest about her feelings on the matter, then there's really no reason to go on with the relationship as it is.

Be honest about yourself and who you are. If the other person can't understand or adapt to this, then it's better to not have deceived yourself into a relationship that could devastate your self esteem.

Say it like you mean it, because honesty really is the best policy.

Christie said...

She could offer to do it for her. Maybe start with a shower and offer to help "clean things up".

Spooky said...

Hi,

I wandered over here from Cap'n Jinglebollock's site. I hope you don't mind my two cents.

Lots of these suggestions might work, but speaking as a sensitive person, if I had a boyfriend who either came right out and said what he wanted or offered to shave me, I would feel very put off. I would question if his attraction to me was sincere.

My suggestion to your friend would be to ask her new girlfriend how SHE likes it. Then your friend could explain why she grooms herself the way she does. When your friend points out that she likes to groom herself because she feels both cleeaner and smoother as well as more attractive, I think this might plant a seed in the girlfriend's mind.

I think the girlfriend might feel better about it if she feels that she is doing it for herself as well as for your friend. It might prevent feelings of insecurity.

Jess said...

Muhahahaha! Oh I love it! I know it is serious and I shouldn't laugh, but I once again jump into my 12 year old self and giggle. I am just one of those really forward people myself and I would just make a direct comment, usually in a fairly playful manner to let her know it needs a little yard work. If this is the biggest obstacle they have, they will have a wonderful, long relationship!

Zed said...

why does the other woman have to be the one to change? Why can't your friend change?
I think it's terrible for someone to limit themselves.I for one could care less if it is shaved or bushy, as long as it's healthy.
I had this situation happen to me a couple years ago. I did shave for the woman who asked me to, and she did ask very nicely, but we broke up before my shave job got put to use, so I let it grow out again.
I trim. I also don't want the hassle or the irritation ... but I'll do it if I like the woman enough. Maybe. It depends on my mood.

Diva said...

Gift certificate for a full on bikini wax and spa day.

I'd get the hint.

I thought we all shaved it up... hmph. I must be sheltered.

Adamity_Bomb_Bomb said...

She should just flat-out ask her. Maybe, when things are getting a little heavier, they could have a mutual shaving party. I know *I'd* be down with that with my girl. And she could shave me, too--just not completely. Dudes completely shaved...not a good idea.

Turnbaby said...

I'm in the 'just talk about it' camp---not in the middle of anything but in a relaxing private time.

I shave (although I really want to find a talented waxer who can do a full Brazilian) and would NEVER go back to hair. It's NOT about being a 'porn star'---I didn't shave until two years ago. I love love love the feel so does Brad ;-)

Craze said...

She needs to just come out and tell her. Of course not when they are in bed together. Maybe she could offer to shave her for her as foreplay?

Beth said...

wow...so many suggestions!!! I guess I would just show her mine and then ask her if she would mind if I did hers too?....

Vodka Mom said...

christ, are we still talking about bushes over here????

Slyde said...

crys has the right of it, i think.

i'd make a casual observation of how i prefer shaving over a lot of hair, and see if they get the hint.

Sabrae Carter said...

Be honest. Just tell her the hair must go! lol

MA Fat Woman said...

Seriously, the newness of the relationship will soon wear off and the LBD will set in. Then it won't be an issue any longer. To shave or not to shave. Who cares, let's go to Target!

~*Jobthingy*~ said...

jebus. she needs to be direct about it and say that its her preference. its cleaner, funner to play with and well really.. 70s bush is SO passe

cats in the window said...

ditto on showing her yours and then offering to do the same..she can only say no thanks. :)

Brad said...

Forgive me, I just don't have it in me to slog thru 73 comments to see if anyone else said this - BUT! from my experience, shaving can also be foreplay!

Gin said...

I've got it!!!!!

Tell her that she has to shave before January 20th. After that ...wait for it....THERE'S NO MORE BUSH!!!

rage said...

I think she needs to be honest with her about it, although this IS a touchy subject. I have no clue as to how to start such a conversation...

Mmm said...

OK, I gotta ask a question, is it considered shaved if the top portion is but there's stubble and the lower portion is left long like a goat's beard? My wife says that shaving the bottom part os simply too painful and she says it's impossible to get the top portion smooth so will grow it all back out. She's not into oral anyway. So, just curious? Who else am i gonna ask?

Tiggerlane said...

OMG, I am late to this party - but just HAD to read all the comments.

Living in this rural area, I'm always amazed at how many women DON'T trim...just from hearing stories about people in the hospital from my nurse husband.

And I am SO LAUGHING at Mmm's comment...wow. I'm so glad I'm a landing strip gal.

Tina... said...

Lifes too short to play with a gross bush and honesty is the best policy. So she should get really drunk and tell her, or she could suggest a shower and she should offer to help with a trim....

Awake In Rochester said...

I guess I'm an old fashioned gal. I like the natural look. If I slept with a women and found out that she shaved, I'd be a bit shocked and turned off. I'd wonder if she was trying to look like a little girl. And WHY she wanted to look like a little girl. EK! A little trim in a certain area is fine. But I want my woman to look like a woman. LOL! I don't think it would be a deal breaker, but I would be creeped out at first. I don't think I'd shave for anyone. A little trim yes. Shave NO. Like I said I'm an old fashioned gal.

So she might want to decide if it's a deal breaker or not first. It's a hard topic to bring up especially in the beginning of a relationship.

Hey, did you do a follow up to this post? What happened???