Thursday, July 9, 2009

Party Time Baby!

Hola bitches! Jay the Cynical_Bastard here. When my good friend the Real Live Lesbian asked me to guest post here I immediately said yes. Cause that’s just the kind of giving, helpful kind of guy I am. Then she told me that I was going to be the first guest poster while she’s in Vegas. Well, needless to say I quickly started feeling the pressure. The pucker factor is pretty high for the lead off guy, yanno.

Of course, honesty compels me to admit that one of the reasons I agreed so quickly is because RLL gets LOTS more traffic than my rapidly decaying blog. But, I also agreed, and was probably asked, because of my legendary support for lesbians. I think anyone who knows me knows that I support lesbians more than just about anyone. Hell, I even support fake lesbians like Lindsay Lohan. Anyone notice I stopped make fun of her when she switched teams? Hell, if Sarah Palin wants me to stop mocking her, all she has to do is announce that she is in a relationship with another woman. Like maybe her fellow Alaskan, Jewel …
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I’m just making suggestions here. It’s totally up to Sarah, but Jewel would obviously be a great choice.

I also totally support bad TV shows and movies that are desperate for ratings and “buzz” by going with some girl-on-girl action. Shows like, oh IDK, Heroes maybe? Yeah, Claire Bennett (Hayden Panettiere) getting busy with another chick? Like maybe with new cast member and soon to be Claire’s roommate Rachel Melvin?...
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Okay, I think I’ve pretty much established my ridiculous amount of support for lesbians. So, I’ll move on to something more interesting. Wait? Did I just write that? There’s NOTHING more interesting than lesbians! What am I saying?


Anyway, as I said RLL is in Vegas this week. And did she invite us? Oh hell no! While we’re all living in our crappy little towns in dry counties, RLL is whooping it up in Sin city.

What’s that? Yes, I really do live in a dry county. In fact, just last weekend my brother in law and I went to a BMW motorcycle rally held here in town. No, I don’t ride a motorcycle, why do you ask? Anyway, hanging right there on the wall was a map of where to find the beer…
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Yeah, that’s how we do things around here. Redneckville, Arkansas: You can’t buy beer here, but we will show you where you can!

Anyway, I thought I would tell you a little story about what I’m doing while I’m NOT in Vegas with RLL:

So I’m sitting in line at the drive through at the bank today and I look over and there is a very nice lady driving an older Toyota 4x4 waiting in the other line smoking a cigarette. Now, I’m not one of these people who thinks that all smoking in public should be banned. Far from it. In fact, I’m pretty much opposed to most anti-smoking ordinances as unnecessary and outrageous infringements on a person’s right to run his/her own business as he/she sees fit by the government. But, that’s a rant for another day.

This doesn’t mean that I would let you smoke in my car. Hell I wouldn’t even let President Obama smoke in my car.
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Anyway I looked over at this woman and she did something that does piss me off about smokers. Instead of putting her cigarette out in the ashtray in her truck she just tossed it on the ground. But wait, there’s more! (Honoring the memory of Billy Mays there). She didn’t take the cig and just toss it or flick it away like most people do. Oh hell no. This lady, without touching the cancer stick at all, took one last drag on it, blew a puff of smoke out her nose and then just opened her mouth and nudged the cigarette out with her tongue. That was almost as impressive as it was really, really gross.

Now tell me that wasn’t hundreds of times more awesome than hanging out in Las Vegas!

Well, that’s all I’ve got. Thanks to RLL for inviting me to guest post here for here. I hope I didn’t make a mess of her awesome blog. In fact, you know what I’m going to do? I’m going to catch a plane this morning for Vegas and go find her. Then, we’re both going to go to a sleepover at The Pussycat Doll’s house.
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Yeah, now THAT’S Vegas Baby!

21 comments:

Scarlet said...

I almost thought I was in the wrong blog for a min here and then thought you and lesbians? That'll work! :)

Cute pics (except for The Smoking Obama)and I hope you do make it to Vegas and party like a lesbian. Sounds like you could use a little sin city after this post.

Great job, Jay! :)

kcinnova said...

Last year at Summerfest, I took a picture of a guy with a T-shirt that read, "I *heart* Lesbians". I think you need one of those, Jay! He had a beer in his hand at the time. ;)

Oh, and Jewel is an excellent choice.

Gary Rith Pottery Blog said...

Sounds like PREJUDICE to me, some people discriminate against beers and that is so totally unfair!

tommy said...

You do realize that just liking the concept of girl on girl doesn't technically make you an all out supporter--it makes you more of a voyeur. However, not trying to convert the girls does win you brownie points...

On a random note, I don't think Jewel and Palin would hit it off. I mean sure, the sex would probably rock and all, but I think Palin would need someone a little more "dominant" to balance out her potential power trippin' ways, ya know?

Hell, I'd do Palin and maybe afterwards we could cuddle and stare at Russia in the sunset, lol.

Jay said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jay said...

@Scarlet: I think we could all use a little Sin City every once in a while. ;-)

@kcinnova: I think I need that t-shirt. I hope he was drinking good beer though. ;-)

@Gary: Nobody should ever discriminate against beer. At least not really good beer.

@Tommy: Hey! Yeah, I was just being smart-assy about fake lesbians.

I think the big key for Palin/Jewel would be if the polling showed that Palin could expand her voting base by hooking up with Jewel. I'm pretty sure the only driving force for Sarah Palin is whatever gets her the most publicity.

And Palin doesn't seem like much of a cuddler to me. LOL ;-)

SkylersDad said...

Nice job Jay, but why must you set the bar so ridiculously high for the rest of us?

See you tomorrow...

Grant said...

I support lesbians as well - especially their porn. I think that's the key to getting them integrated into society. Just remind the people who want to ban gay marriage that without gays we would have no girl on girl sex scenes and watch their protests fade.

Matt-Man said...

I love you, Jay. I thank you for putting Jewel up there. She is HAWT. I have a thing for protruding eye teeth on a chick. (no, seriously, I do) Well...and big boobs. Cheers!!

Jay said...

@SkylersDad: I actually think I set the bar pretty low. But, that's okay, I'm used to doing that at all things in life. LOL

@Grant: LOL .. I do agree that most people would be very upset if we got rid of all lesbian porn. Good point.

@Matt-Man: I think that little imperfection makes her even more sexy. Mostly because the rest of her is so damn perfect. And don't forget her incredible legs! ;-)

Fortune Cookies said...

Jewel might be a bit too liberal for Palin, but then maybe it would help loosen her up a bit...

I'm so effin' jealous that RLL is in Vegas! And she didn't even ask if she could play the Roulette table for me!

On behalf of lesbians everywhere, I thank you for your enthusiastic support. ;)

Bond said...

Pictures of hot chicks and lots of cool things about Lesbians...are we sure this is just not RLL posting as Jay?

Kay said...

Good job Jay! Happy t read you here, there, or anywhere.

RLL is in Vegas with like 1/2 my friends right now... Damn TAM.

Jay said...

@Fortune Cookies: I think Palin would insist on a liberal girlfriend. It would be all about expanding her popularity. Besides, who on the right would she hook up with? Ann Coulter? Ewwwwwww ;-)

And my support is unconditional and absolute!

@Bond: I didn't want to get too far off track here.

@Kay: Maybe WE should go to Vegas? Let's do it!!!

Little T said...

Here in St. Louis you would be known as a Lesbro, Jay. Obviously an esteemed position as a lesbian brother. Kudos on your post! RLL will be so proud.

fiwa said...

Just showin' my support.

I think the PCDs have on way too much clothes in that pic.

Gina said...

Loved the guest post today! You even busted out (pun intended) some HOT pictures just the way RLL loves it. Way to go!

Jay said...

@Little T: I'm a LesBro? For reals? That is sooooo cool!

@Fiwa: You're support is greatly appreciated. ;-)

@Gine: I hope so! Thanks!

Micky-T said...

Jay...you do lesbians really well.

rage said...

I think you did a grand job Jay. My fav picture was Obama with the cig hanging out of his mouth. Priceless.

Lu' said...

Good post Jay. I enjoyed it. Whoah that woman and her cig' painted quite the visual. Not that my Mother encouraged smoking but when she realized there was no changing my mind she did impart some smoking etiquette and that was: a LADY NEVER leaves a cigarette in her mouth without her hand on the cigarette. Of course in later years I can picture Ma with a lit cig' hanging from her mouth and her hand was nowhere near it. her words rang in my head though and I made every attempt to act like a lady; at least when smoking.