Friday, July 24, 2009

My First Girlfriend's Father

He looked just like that. Just uglier. Meaner. And bigger.

He hated me.

I was 16. I had met his daughter, Lisa at our place of work. She befriended me and showed me the ropes.

Lisa pursued me.
She knew that I was straight, but I was what she wanted. She drove me around in her jeep. Made me laugh. She swept me off of my 16 year old feet. Easy to do. I'd only been out with boys up until then.

I kissed her one night when we had a sleep over at my house. I felt like I discovered the wheel. I wrote her a letter, but I never mailed it. I hid it under my bed in a box of stationery. Sifted it into the blank pages.

My mother, the snoop, found it. After which, she immediately blew a gasket and called the other set of parents.

That's why he hated me. Because I made his daughter gay. He wanted to kill me. He told me. He was violent towards his daughter. He hit her. Bruised her. Hurt her the night he found out. Threw her around the house like a ragdoll.

I hated him right back.

Until today. I walked into the post office and waited in line. When I reached the counter, he stepped out from the back where he was working to talk to the lady helping me. He waited for a chance to ask her a question.

He is probably around 65 years old. And you know what? He's only about 5'10". The booming voice that scared the living hell out of me still resides in him. But today, he looked like just an old man.

I'm no longer afraid of him. I choose to forgive him.

28 comments:

Mike Golch said...

Good for you!

cctjt said...

great blog - and good for you to notice two things:
1. He was simply a mean old man. who probably has no relationship with his daughter
2. Forgiveness doesn't depend on the other person asking for it.
Love this post - a lot.

Dawg said...

My colleg gf, the one I lost to kidney disease, her parents hated me. The bullshit antics they pulled at the funeral was inexcusable ... but I was the better person. So while everyone was giving them their condolences, I said I forgave them, and walked away.

Fuckin' people eh?

Dawg said...

Btw - Fabulous new pic!

Jaimey said...

very healing to forgive, even someone who probably barely registers as a blip on your radar now.

rage said...

I love how he blames you for his daughter being a lesbian. That's just great. NOT!

Jay said...

You're a better person than me. I would still be looking for opportunities to get payback.

Grant said...

You should have grabbed the lady helping you and, right in front of him, gotten gay all over her.

James said...

That was a great post. I enjoyed reading it. Forgiveness is great. I hope his daughter forgives him too.

annie kelleher said...

wonderful post... very timely as it happens... something i needed to hear about... thank you :)

Dana said...

Most times, we make the monsters much larger, and much scaryer, than they really are. We give them the power to win.

It's too bad it often takes us far too long to realize that forgiveness makes us larger than the monster.

Camlin said...

When I was a teenager, my mother taught me something valuable. I learned never to look under my daughter's bed. It was completely humiliating when she found the magazines under there.

I'm glad you were able to forgive him.

Gary Rith Pottery Blog said...

pfffbt....not everything is forgiveable, although I would have forgiven YOU for accidentally kicking him in the nuts in the PO

Lynette said...

forgiving heals the soul
gald that you had that chance for your own self
i know it is not always easy
but it is is important

Akelamalu said...

Forgiveness makes you the better person. x

Palm Springs Savant said...

funny how our minds work, isn't it? I've had a few like that and then when you see it in a different light it all just melts away

Scarlet said...

What a sad and interesting story, and I'm glad you were able to get past what happened and forgive the old man. He can do no harm to anyone now.

Southern Sage said...

you are a better person than me!

Vodka Mom said...

forgiveness is freeing.

Beth said...

good for you...and I always say that forgiveness is more for YOu than the other person.

and gurrrrrl, I am LOVING your new picture!!!!!

Bond said...

I presume he did not recognize you and you and he did not interact...

I think your not doing anything is the most Christian thing to do...though I would have struggled to follow your example.

Eternally Distracted said...

It's funny how people become less scary when we are big grown-ups! My father hated my first girlfriend, but at the time I hated my Dad's girlfriend ... So for revenge I figured it was only right to move her mine into the house - Oh, that went down soooo well ;0)

Dragon said...

Awesome! Sometimes it is better to just forgive and move on.

Little T said...

Powerful stuff, RLL. Good for you to forgive.

Emerald Yomi said...

Good on you for being the bigger person. I can't help but wonder what his relationship is like with is daughter today...has she left him to rot alone, or has she too shown she is the bigger of the two of them and forgiven him, despite the fact that I probably wouldn't forgive that man in a fit if he were my father...I'm thinking lots of naughty swear words right now...

Laura said...

hmmm, had a similar experience with my ex g/f's Mom. She HATED me for what "I" did to her daughter. It was ALL my fault! (right, cause we know that relationships only go one way) - threatened to have me KILLED! Ahhh, she was such a nice christian woman! LOL NOT!

Rex Venom said...

Time changes everything.
(and, as a big D&D nerd, I like the pic!)
Rock on!

Zip n Tizzy said...

Oh life.

I hope they've had some healing too, but sometimes in our own families the forgiveness takes longer.