Saturday night, we were invited to a birthday dinner. We arrived to Red Pepper Hummus with Pita Chips, Shrimp with Chimichurri, and a hot Spinach Dip. Dinner promised to be an incredible spread.
The hostess poured us Grey Goose L'Orange Vodka with Fresca. I became tipsier and tipsier as we inched closer to dinner. I knew that the evening would lead to a tangled, mess of sheets.
With a linen napkin in my lap, I was passed the Pork Tenderloin, Herb Roasted Potatoes and oh no...not that.
Asparagus.
I was sitting right next to the hostess. I couldn't get out of eating it. I knew as I took the first bite, the evening's ending of hot, girl sex had just bitten the dust.
When we arrived home, she reached around me, kissing my neck from behind.
"Nope."
"Nope?"
"Babe, we both had asparagus. You know it's coming. That smell!"
"So?"
"So nothing's happening."
"I don't mind."
"I don't care."
And right then and there, two perfectly willing lesbians went to sleep.
Thank goodness the Right Wing, Anti-Gay movement doesn't know about the crippling effects of asparagus!
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Asparagus, You Little Stinker!
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42 comments:
You should taste what it does to semen.
Oh and FIRST!!
*blink* *blink*
;)
Asparagus does that? :0
I never noticed! Wow. What the hell have I been doing all these years?!
OK RLL I would sacrifice my services just to see if it is really THAT distasteful...
no I would not enjoy it, but it is for the greater good.
Lesbian Kriptonite? Say it aint so! Some people cant smell it at all. I have since lost the ability. My wife on the other hand can whiff it a mile away.
I guess it would have been a bit cool for sex under the stars -
the things you learn....I thought you would say it makes you pee green, but anyway....
I did not know that...learn something new every day
BOO for no tangled mess of sheets
OMG, I don't know if I would have had the courage to tell that story. Your telling all of the lesbian hush-hush stuff! LOL
Now I know you're asking for trouble!
Heh. Next time you get snarky on me, I'll threaten you with a bushel of asparagus!
*insert evil chuckle here*
I dont like asparagus!
*phew*
However, working in the medical field.....I know EXACTLY what you are talking about.....
Asparagus- the lesbian kryptonite. who'd a thought???
Next time smile and say I am sorry I'm allergic.
Asparagus? Really?
Well. I'll. Be. Damned.
Ok, Asparagus is bad. Gotta remember that.
What does it do?! What does it do?! I know about the guy thing, but what the heck with girls?
Does Bearnaise sauce counteract it? I really like to drown mine in Bearnaise.
I had no clue. I will definitely keep that in mind for the future.
Would celery have balanced it out?
Must remember to serve that to all the women in the room I dont want to sleep with therefore the women who don't eat it will have to settle with me !! Asparagus , good stocking stuffer to mess with peoples minds this year thanks !!
This is SO true, isn't it? Someone needs to invent a new asparagus...
omg....i LMFAO! whenever my mom serves asparagus, my gf and i give each other the 'not tonight' look and laugh! no one, of course, gets it.
is it really THAT bad that you have to pass on sex???
Huh!
Wow... truer words were never spoken about Asparagus. I don't eat the stuff myself. I try to keep it sweet down there--hehe
And I thought it was just pee that it tainted. Hmm...guess not. *wink*
hmmm i just learned something very new! lol but hey at least you get to have sex... we are in a bit of a drought... and it's driving me frigging bonkers!
Let's hope Rush doesn't find out and let everyone know about the asparagus curse.
Asparagus? Really? Now I know why my heterosexual parents were so adamant about me eating my veggies!
The things you learn on this blog. :)
LMAO you both should have passed on the asparagus.... just sayin'!!
OMG! That's friggin' hilarious! Asparagus kills many a lesbians' romps, I'd imagine.
LMAO! That is so fucking funny! And so true...there are some other foods that do the same...isn't it terrible?!?!
I feel better informed now! I'm ashamed to say I did not know of the dangers of asparagus
Speak it sister. Makes everything smell and taste funny but it's soooo good to eat from time to time.
I didn't know that about asparagus! I knew it about shrimp...but not asparagus!
You should have had it AFTER you had sex! It could have been dessert!
P.S. Just so you know, I spewed diet pepsi all over my monitor!! This is just too freakin' funny!
What thu. . . ? Am I sheltered? I have no friggin' clue as to what is going on here? I feel like a dolt. . .
;) i think only 46% of the population experience that. That's hilarious. I guess I never really thought about it.. or never had to!!!
ooooh, "Grey Goose L'Orange Vodka"
I just lubs me some orange flavored vodka. Haven't tried it with Fresca, tho I just got back from store with a 12-pk of it this very afternoon. I do recommend a dash of cranberry anytime orange vodka is involved.
really? asparagus causes bad ... odor?? i did not know that??!!
LOL! you should have told the hostess you were allergic or something.
or fed it to a roaming dog
I thought it just made the PEE smell. OMG...I eat asparagus twice a month at least, and never noticed anything foul. And I'm damn hygenic.
Huh. Okay. Now I need a list of foods to abstain from. Pronto.
Um....
REALLY?! I've heard other things about Asparagus but..... Really?!?!
Ok then. (damnit)
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