Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Bullies

Will not be tolerated. ***you'll have to read the comments in the last post to catch up

If you don't like what I write, perhaps you shouldn't read my blog. I didn't ask you to come here. You and Vicki can stop with the made up blog identities, so that you can comment with an identical opinion like you do on other blogs. I have a statistics program and even if I didn't, you lived with me. I know your tactics, because you told me about them. About how you stalk your ex and use his information to break into his private emails and his match.com. I understand what lengths you will go to.

The reason that my ex doesn't paint me in a negative light is because I didn't abuse her. How is THAT for a simple answer?

She hit me in the face so hard that I slammed against the door frame and slid to the floor. On my birthday. Can you name what I have done that matches this?

I am rid of the bully that I refer to as my ex-the-redneck (whose name I did not post, you did) and have new people in my life, I know what real friends feel like. They aren't petty and hateful. They don't run behind your back and talk about you.

I have a lot of real life friends. I know exactly how lucky I am to have such a full life, so I'm fortunate in that I can choose who I let into my life.

I have a lot of virtual friends. You can count them in my numbers of readers, commenters and page visits. I have no idea why they find me so interesting and continue to read and be kind. But I'm glad they do. I love them all. I feel like I know them. Like they know me.

I know that you've told my ex about my blog, so that once again she can stalk me (again with the technical ISP stuff). This is my private blog. You both knew that. I consider what you've done to be a betrayal. And no, I won't stop. I'll talk about who I want, when I want.

You are nothing but a bully and I won't play your games.

70 comments:

Citizen Kinkster said...

Excellent blog. I just yours to my list of recommended blogs.

Tina-cious.com said...

PHUCK YEAH! LOL

Rock on sista... silence = death.

Where were these "friends" when you were getting smacked around?

The fact that they remained friends w/ an abusive ex is proof they don't love you at all.

Speak on it -- it's your history ... and it's the road you took to be the person you are...

Tell your ex to start a blog if she wants.

Ugh... drama.

Lu' said...

Drama. I'm sorry it reared it's ugly head in your direction once again. It gives me shivers. I can feel it in your writing. What a f*&^ing bummer. Write about it. Let it go. Leave them to wallow.

Peace :)

J said...

Hell yeah, RLL. Tell 'em!

Scarlet said...

I just reread some of those comments that led you to post this. Unbelievable. When does it really end?

Matt-Man said...

I have always had a "thing" for bullies. I used to be a "bully-stopper" in High School. Hate 'em.

But just remember, bullies are usually nothing but sad, little cowards.

Oh and by the way, Big Congrats to you two. Cheers!!

Dana said...

You shouldn't have had to write this post, but you did a mighty fine job.

And remember, if you ever need a trained killer, I just happen to know one!

tt said...

Fuckin' right on sister!!!!!!!
Bullies are cowards. Period.
I love you awful!!!!!!!

Ashmystir said...

Give em hell girl!

We readers love ya!

Gary Rith Pottery Blog said...

I went through all those comments and was impressed with how many nice people supported you, then things took a turn. You know, it is remarkable how different your readers are (mine too): different lives, outlooks, places, but they all seem, as you say, kind, but also funny and respectful.
Personally? I say we fill a few bags with dog sh!t (there's plenty behind my back yard) and set them afire upon redneck's front step. Maybe a little TP flung through the trees for good measure.
I am grateful that I know you RLL and best wishes....

Maxine Dangerous said...

I agree with the dog poo and TP flinging. Make sure you spray the TP with a hose once it's in the trees so that it'll be harder to clean up. Bullies suck ass.

Vixen said...

Oooo....very well written post!

I seriously fail to understand people like you are describing. I had a falling out with a large group of women on the internet several years ago (some I knew IRL) and no matter how hard I tried to walk away and start new they chose to follow me and 'try' to make my life miserable. They got great joy out of doing it and really it was just very, very pathetic.

But GOOD FOR YOU. I love the last line of this post. :)

ghost of keywork said...

Angry Baby hates bullies. And hampsters.

Knight said...

I just went back to read the comments. What kind of an idiot sticks up for a person that abuses the people they love? She hit you. End of story.

Cap'n Ergo "Carthage" Jinglebollocks said...

allow me to quote The Major from "101 Dalmations":

"Blast 'em, Tibbs! Give 'em the what-for!!

SkylersDad said...

I concur with Dana, and I am accurate out to 1000 meters.

Nah, just foolin around, let them go get their own blog if they want to write!

AirmanMom said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rage Angel said...

Amen sister! You don't have to put up with that.

Micky-T said...

There is a whole gaggle of comments in my head about petty things in relationships that are none of my buisness so I'll agree with Knight, the day you got hit....end of story.

Real Live Lesbian said...

Airmanmom: As I've said before, we turned what should have been a one night stand into a relationship. I never said she didn't have good qualities. She does. It's just that oftentimes, the abuse takes center stage in my memories.

Monogram Queen said...

WAY TO GO - I hate a bully too and don't let them get to you. Standing up works every time because they are cowards at heart.
I'm really glad I found your blog. Do I have your permission to add you to my blogroll?

Marinka said...

I am new to your blog--love the blog name! I have to catch up on everything, but damn right about the bullies!

Bina said...

Wow! I read your last post, and the comment from the "person".

First of all, how in the hell does she know what happened behind closed doors? Those who abuse are experts at it and MAKE SURE no one else knows, and does the victim.

Don't let her ruffle your feathers. She doesn't know what she is talking about. It was your relationship, not hers.

And I'm damn glad you are out of that hell hole.

Dr Zibbs said...

Stupid jerk bully! (and thanks for stopping by my blog). I'll be back.

Bond said...

New guy to the party and having read the comments from yesterday and now your reply may I say HOOOORAH!

This is YOUR home...if people want to visit, have some respect damn it.

I have never been in that situation you described, but I did lose friends because my ex did not enjoy spending time with them and I changed to try and make our relationship work. In the end the relationship ended and now I am working to get back into the good graces of those friendships I let slide.

I have linked you on The Couch because I like what I find here.

Queen-Size funny bone said...

It is so easy for outsides to judge. Obviously that commenter does not realize this is not her battle to fight. I'm sure your ex is a big girl and can defend herself if she feels she needs to.

goooooood girl said...

Well well well......

ambergail77 said...

Having made it out of an abusive relationship, I can say that many abusers are not the same to their friends as they are to the person they are abusing. I can honestly say that to the friends, my abusive botfriend was funny, polite, fun to be around, and an all around nice guy. He just happened to choose what I wore, what I drank, what I was allowed to see, do and experience. But that was usually done in the privacy of the house before people came over, or in the car on the way to a party, etc.
I can totally understand how your ex has friends who don't see that same side of her that you see. But black eyes see things very differently than the eyes of friendship.

Craze said...

Amen sistah! You are the better person for not stooping to their level. You don't have to explain anything to anyone. You know the truth.

Brad said...

"they tend to be a little sycophantic"

Judgemental much Rant?


I 'HEART' you baby.

This might be personal, but I can't find anything here indicating how you replied to the big question last week. Did you say yes???

TerriRainer said...

Is it aways this interesting here?

I commented on the last post, so I won't go there again.

Hang in there, looks like you've got oodles of suuport!

:) Terri

PS I'd go with the dog poo and TP idea.

doggybloggy said...

bull(y) dyke....I just had to say it...you are way better off now and you shouldnt even let it bother you let alone think about it....its a page from your past and thats where it stays...in the past...

tt said...

Hang in there babe....you've got all of us as loyal supporters....and that, along with your sweet partner and IRL friends...should get you through the rough spots!
Don't let the pissy people get you down. It's said; people who anger you control you.....so don't let her have anymore control. Take your power and let shine through your bright beautiful face.
xoxo

Princess Pointful said...

I like to pretend that blogs are a little sacred, that we have a place to express ourselves to those who listen and care. It always bothers me so much to realize others don't feel the same way, that they will impinge upon it and attack with so little thought.
Stay strong!!

My Husband Calls Me Weird said...

Hell yeah. Stand up for yourself. Don't take anybody's shit. They are not worth it.

nikki

Akelamalu said...

I learnt at a very early age there's only one way to deal with bullies and that's to stand up to them. That's exactly what you've done and I applaud you. Bullies are mealymouthed cowards when the chips are down and a punch on the nose usually has them running for cover. Good for you m'dear. x

Mo said...

I am sorry you are going through this. Pettiness, mean actions, and betrayal are the signs of an unhappy and desperate person in my opinion.

Keep on being you and holding your head high.

Jay said...

Way to tell the haters to Eff-Off! Don't take any crap off these small, cowardly people.

coffeypot said...

Bully for you, darling. I'm glad you have control over your life now, and that you have a good, positive support group to lean on. I think you are pretty cool. And the post was excellent.

buffalodick said...

The fact that you are where you are and not back where you were, is answer enough. Questions and judgements like that aren't worth comment..

Nolens Volens said...

I'm glad that you're holding your ground, no matter what. I really DO know what that is like - my mother stood up to my father when he wouldn't let up on expressing his bitterness over her coming out of the closet. Yes, she's a lesbian and she's a happier person for that. Because of her, I stood up to him years later and I was able to move on with my life...without him.

Thanks for commenting on my HNT post. :)

Spiky Zora Jones said...

sweetie:I think that they are bullies. They hide behind the net and try to cause trouble. The thing is babe...I feel sorry for them if that's their life...I feel sorry forthe, yeah they are ass-wipes.
I've a had few like that...they are cowards...I'll meet anyone of them face to face. Then they aren't so tuff!

Sorry you had to even go through a relationship like that. She was a bitch! Who treats someone they are supposed to love like that...I'm glad you left the hag...and honestly I would love to meet up with her...I don't like anyone being mean to my friends. And I consider you one.

GRRRR...

Ciao babe.

Michael Knight Rambo said...

Good for you.
Bullies/psychos/stalkers need a hug- and then a shove into traffic when their guard is down!
Nutcases!!!

Dianne said...

ambergail77 said it best, and she is spot on! Everybody LOVED my ex. I was the crazy bitch that was trying to destroy his life!! It is part of the abuse and it is part of their issues. Most abusive people are charming.

Since ambergail77 was so calm and reasonable and polite I will balance it out.

MFers PLEASE!! You have such a need to be heard get your own fucking blog.

vixen kitten said...

Why is it some people's mama never taught them it's impolite to show up to a party they weren't invited to?

Mind of MadMan said...

Hey Beautiful,
Just caught up and I tell you what you already know. It was handled like the pro you are. But may I add?? OK Thanks!!!
Jealousy is a dangerous thing and apparently they still are. My sister's normal comments where, "Dude cannot handle it whet I hit that thang just right!" So the same for you (except remove dude and insert proper phonation).
Never have in been in my blood to hit y mate nor the oppisite sex for that matter, that is a preferance that I have chosen.. Even though the Army, and Chicago had trained me to not have mercy. This is a matter where that non-mercy would be expected and enforced.
Growing up (and some say I still am) I was the Bullies bully. For the shear enjoyment and pleasure that my loins would experiance, gladly i would take these fools to a predicribed place, and teach them about the real meaning of pain.

ETK said...

Don't give in to a bully. Effe them.

Gnightgirl said...

I had to go back and read through the comments too. My take is posted there.

We got your back. I hope you can keep posting with the same guts and honesty, with no concern about who's reading, and who might comment. You make differences--REAL differences--in people's lives with your words. Hard to come by in blogworld.

Moderate your comments if you have to; I have a hateful "troll" whose identity I do not know. I roll my eyes and reject his/her comments once a week; he is a mere ant at my picnic.

rock on.

Travis said...

I admire you for answering those comments with dignity and respect.

Take care.

Marilyn said...

I admire you for not deleting them and actually speaking to them. This is your personal blog and therefore your universe. You get to control what happens here. Anyway, that's how I feel about it. I've never deleted a non spam comment but I've never had abusive comments either.

I'm glad you found a partner you can trust and that you are able to speak the truth about your past. It's hard to do sometimes.

Fu Manchu Dad said...

It's your blog, we just live here. I love ya. The haters are just bumps in the road baby!

FMD

phd in yogurtry said...

wow, nothing like jumping in with both feet here. Ambergail makes a very good point. Noone knows what goes on behind closed doors but the two parties involved.

Karen said...

I love your strength. Awesome!!

Grant said...

Try this recipe. It's like crack, except that it's completely legal and not make of cocaine and you don't smoke it. Come to think of it, it's nothing like crack, but it is really good.

This post kind of reminds me of my last one. Like the blog, or move on.

Southern Sage said...

go girl!!

Crys said...

i read your last post Grant and i have to say, it's hard to pick which one i identified with more or enjoyed more. catharsis is good for the soul. bullies? bad for the soul. also? EVERYWHERE.

new subscriber, RLL.

g-man said...

And we love you too, that's why we come back and read!
Sorry that those that were once close to you find it necessary to make negative comments instead of just walking away. Really it would never occur to me to go and read their blogs or whatever based on reading what they wrote here. If they are trying to garner support then they are barking up the wrong tree.

Admittedly she doesn't know all the facts, so really what she had to say carries no weight with me.

I'll be walking away from them now.

nitebyrd said...

You bet your ass we love you and find you interesting! You ROCK!

Why should your ex and her friends care what you say on an anonymous blog? I'm only interested in how/what YOU are doing, not someone that made your life miserable.

Anndi said...

We love you too sweetie. I applaud you for standing up for yourself.

Ann said...

I spoke my mind in the last post, but let me say again this is YOUR blog - and you should be able to speak your mind. I cannot believe that others have an issue with you speaking YOUR TRUTH. That is beyond words.

Biscuit said...

Love you girlie. Love your response.

The Daily Rant said...

Lynn,

I’d like to respond to your post, section by section:

“Bullies. Will not be tolerated. ***you'll have to read the comments in the last post to catch up”

Bless your heart, but I’m not sure you or your readers understand what the definition of the word “bully” is. Let me help y’all out:

Bully
1. A sweetheart or a fine chap
2. A blustering browbeating person, one habitually cruel to others who are weaker
3. A hired ruffian

By these definitions, I believe the only one I fit is #1 – a Sweetheart. I did not browbeat you, nor am I habitually cruel to others (which would mean, if I were, that you would have to be the “weaker” person here, so if the shoe fits…), and no one paid me to make my comment. So, based on that, I’m not quite sure why you feel “bullied” by me.

“If you don't like what I write, perhaps you shouldn't read my blog. I didn't ask you to come here. You and Vicki can stop with the made up blog identities, so that you can comment with an identical opinion like you do on other blogs. I have a statistics program and even if I didn't, you lived with me. I know your tactics, because you told me about them. About how you stalk your ex and use his information to break into his private emails and his match.com. I understand what lengths you will go to.”

My comment has nothing to do with not liking what you write in your blog, it had to do with how I felt about that one particular post. And yes, as a matter of fact, you did ask for me to come here - when you said “Hey – I started a blog” and then gave me your blog address so I could read it. I have commented many times on your posts, in a supportive and kind manner. I have complimented you on your artistic talents, your new home, your vacations and several other issues. But I guess I am only welcome if I comment in a way which is in line with how you think. Any opposing view won’t be tolerated (lest I be called a bully) or will be met with a retort along the lines of telling me I’m just not welcome altogether.

Regarding the “made up blog identity”, I’m not sure where you get that either, since I not only posted my comment with my real blog identity, but also with my PHOTO. Your statistics program means nothing to me either. What are you trying to say, you know who “visits” your blog? Since I did not conceal who I was, I don’t know how the threat of “tracking” me holds any weight. And let’s not bring up what one has done regarding finding information on an ex – I lived with you too, remember? My list will undoubtedly be longer than yours.

“The reason that my ex doesn't paint me in a negative light is because I didn't abuse her. How is THAT for a simple answer? She hit me in the face so hard that I slammed against the door frame and slid to the floor. On my birthday. Can you name what I have done that matches this?”

I have expressed my empathy for you regarding this when you first told me of it, and you know that. But I’m sure you also know that abuse comes in many forms, not just physical, so don’t project yourself as an innocent bystander.

“I am rid of the bully that I refer to as my ex-the-redneck (whose name I did not post, you did) and have new people in my life, I know what real friends feel like. They aren't petty and hateful. They don't run behind your back and talk about you. I have a lot of real life friends. I know exactly how lucky I am to have such a full life, so I'm fortunate in that I can choose who I let into my life. I have a lot of virtual friends. You can count them in my numbers of readers, commenters and page visits. I have no idea why they find me so interesting and continue to read and be kind. But I'm glad they do. I love them all. I feel like I know them. Like they know me.”

You are very insecure and it shows in your need for accolades from people who don’t even know you. It shows in the way you fish for compliments and sympathy and readers. These people do not KNOW you, they only know the image you PORTRAY of yourself. They are exactly what you say they are - virtual friends - counted only in comments and page views. They can say what they want in defense of you in this comment section, but they are not people who actually know you. Vicki and I do. When any of your commenters can claim they know you for the 10 years Vicki does, then they might be able to stand up and defend who you really are.

And that was exactly why I felt the need to defend Nikki; just as I know who she is in the time I’ve been friends with her, I also know a bit about you and who YOU are. If you were as “over” her as you claim to be, calling her names and referring to her in a negative way would not have been necessary.

And instead of writing a blog post entirely dedicated to my comment, you might have just said something in the comments section like, “Nikki did have a lot of good qualities and I can understand why you and Vicki would come to her defense, but there were a lot of things you didn’t know, things I kept secret from others because I was embarrassed (or whatever) and that couldn’t talk about it at the time…” That would have been a bit more honest.

Instead, you’d rather portray yourself as a victim, as someone who couldn’t get away from the big bad abuser. As someone who is being bullied by A comment. By ONE opinion. Well, one could see how your readers would take your side. How they would say we stood by and did nothing, staying friends with someone who abused you. Well why don’t you TELL your readers that WE DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT IT because you didn’t TELL anyone?

Why don’t you tell your readers the truth? Or at least both sides of the story…

Who were the ones who got all Nikki’s stuff out of your attic (when it was a 100 friggin’ degrees up there) because you weren’t emotionally strong enough to do it yourself?
Who had to confront her when she came home rippin’ mad, pissed to see her stuff on the front lawn?
Who stood in your defense when she directed the anger she had for you, towards us?
Who sat and listened to you when you were upset?
Who went to the mall and movies, etc. with you to distract you from the breakup?
Who encouraged you and told you everything would be fine when you were so devastated?
Who went out to the gay bar with you to “get you back into the game”?
Who pointed out all your good qualities and made you feel better about yourself when you didn’t know your own self-worth?

WE DID. Not these ass kissing strangers in your comments section.

Instead, you’d rather they think that we sided with a “monster” over you. For your information, if someone said things about YOU like you said about Nikki, I would come to your defense just as quickly and just as strongly.

“I know that you've told my ex about my blog, so that once again she can stalk me (again with the technical ISP stuff). This is my private blog. You both knew that. I consider what you've done to be a betrayal. And no, I won't stop. I'll talk about who I want, when I want.”

I absolutely DID NOT tell your ex about your blog, but you must have a lot of time on your hands to constantly be checking up on her with your “technical ISP stuff”. As for your blog being private? You have it POSTED ON THE INTERNET. Um, not so private, ya think?

Since your perception is so that you consider our comments a betrayal, the only conclusion I can come to is that the only friends (or commenters) you are interested in are ones who blindly agree with you and don’t speak up with an opposing view. And as I mentioned in my original comment, you already have plenty of those.

It seems to me based on this information, and I know Vicki feels the same way, NOT being your friend isn’t going to be much of a loss.

“You are nothing but a bully and I won't play your games.”

You already did.

~Jobthingy~ said...

wow..RLL i want to ask you if this is a girl from your local high school with all this drama.. but i see that it isnt.. sad really.

darlin, having been on that side of the relationship i get it.

and as for how people see the ex, sure they see her as wonderful.. she doesnt live with them

good on you for calling this shit out.

*hugs*

♥, another ass kissing stranger

*snickers*

Monogram Queen said...

Honey I definitely don't think i'd bother with the Daily Rant IRL anymore... that chick has issues LOL (oh yeah *kiss* *kiss* - aimed squarely at your ass)

Bond said...

It is incredible that some people can not just move on...

Daily Rant, you are over and done.

CheekyMonkey said...

Hi. Ass kissing stranger here. How are ya? Mwwahh.. Just puckering up, could you bend over for me a little..mkaythx.

Anyway, I'd just like to say, that while I've never really kissed your ass... I fancy myself as an ass kissing acquaintance. Seems so much more friendly.

This isn't any of my business, but since I'm an ass kisser, I figured I'd chime in. Sounds like miss fancy pants over there misses you. Why else would you bust out the high school attitude like that? Sucks when your friends divorce and you get stuck with the sucky one.

Love,

Asskissingacquaintance. Mwwahhh!

Anndi said...

I've had "friends" like that... I moved on too.

You don't need to have someone who doesn't believe in you in your life. Now direct that ass this way so I can smooch it!

KellyKline said...

Wow ... just ... wow.

You and I live in the same town. The lesbian community is small. You and I have conversed a good deal over the internet, and while we haven't actually met in person, we know a lot of the same people. And anyone that I know that knows you has told me what a GREAT person you are. Call me an ass-kissin' stranger, but I believe them.

But here's what's funny - I read your blogs and I've never really put much thought into who your ex is because, to me, the blog is about YOU. What you've gone through, how you've dealt with things, what you've learned, how much stronger you are because of the struggles you've had. But NOW? I have not just one name, but two names stuck in my head. Let's go back to the whole lesbian-small-community thing. Ahhhh! I think I may know who they are!

And, if I'm right, I can totally guess which one is which! So, the next time I see them at Lipstick Lounge, and they're sitting all by themselves at a table, you'd better believe that I'll be curious to see what's going on. Will #1 let #2 sing karaoke this time? If *I* sing the song #2 likes to sing, will #1 glare at me for it, like she always does? Will #1 not let #2 talk to anyone, as usual? Hmmmm ... interesting twist on things.

Like I said ... wow.

Christie said...

Right on!!!!!!!!!! I don't believe you should have had to write this either, but I did, too, when it happened to me. I felt better, and it stopped.

Good job and keep it coming!

Diva said...

Amen, girl!