Country Girl

Barefoot. Bareback. On a pony named Skipper. Need I say more?

Desperate and Loving It!

I need to watch more TV. Dana Delany has been flipping my skirt up since China Beach.

If She Comes To The Door....

We have an agreement. My Love has to leave. For the night. I'm Pink's for just a little while. I'm sure she's wanted me for some time now, and she can have me. I'll wear whatever damn shoes she wants me to.

In my next life, I want an ass like that. God, are you listening? Screw the dimples and sparkling personality.

Who's yours? Who would you want just one night with?

I totally stole this from Solo Homo. If you want to see the video without Oprah, go here.

My Blog Roll

Sucks.

Should I kill it? Fix it? Not care?

Time flies by and it gets outdated. I mean, Slyde isn't even on there.... after I kinda cry-babied that I wasn't on his. (and I was)

I'm going to update it. If you wanna be there, just comment.

Spread Her Legs

Last night, I had a phone conversation with the chick I work with. Here's what my Love overheard.

Me: You've got to do it. Spread her legs.

Straight Girl I work with: Like..... by her thighs?

Me: YES!!!!

Her: Now what?

Me: Do you see the hole?

Her: There's not one.

Me: Yes, there is. Poke your finger around between there. I promise you, there is a hole.

My Love in the background: She doesn't have a girlfriend, does she?

Her: Ew.

Me: Just do it.

Her: Ok, I'm in and there's nothing in there.

Me: Good!!!! You didn't cook the giblets and the neck. Now, put that chicken on a plate and serve her up!

Easy Slaw

Lesson for the day:

Do not put cabbage down the garbage disposal. It turns into slaw and you have to get your girlfriend to fix the damn thing.

And afterwards, she's not a happy camper.

You Ask. I Answer.

How are the girls at the new place are getting along with me?

They love me.

The guys? I don't know. They're harder to read. Plus, they're Christian men. Christian women, they get it. Christian men? I think I scare them.

But one of them asked how Linda and I met and how long we'd been together a few days ago. That's a start.

The oddest thing that happened this week...

we went to Buffalo Wild Wings for lunch. Directly across from me, eating alone was the dude that asked about the lesbo "menage a trois" with me and my Love.

I know he'd rather have me for lunch!

I Have A Card

And some candy. That's all. I need some ideas. I'm stressed and slam-damn busy and frankly, I need ideas RIGHT NOW.

What are you doing for your love for Valentine's Day? Maybe I can copy-cat and she'll never know that I didn't think of it myself!

Tell me what you have up your sleeve....or tell me the best Valentine's Day surprise that has happened to you.

Just help me!!!!!

Swamped

For the last three weeks, I've been helping another company. Plus, doing my regular work at an astonishing pace to have time to help them.

That's why you're not seeing me around. I'll be back. As soon as they're done with me.

I've missed you all!!!

What Do You Want?

I love having fresh flowers in the house. LOVE IT! And a lot of the time, I do, thanks to My Love..

But those flowers up there? The ones that are going to cost $100 next weekend....I don't want those. Too expensive.

I'd rather have six bunches of mixed flowers than one of those Valentine's bouquets. Because the entire world isn't telling her to get them for me.

Have You Ever?

Tried to help someone, but ended up doing exactly the opposite? That's what I did today. And I feel horrible about it.

Creep

When it looks like this:

and I walk outside and see this...

I know that someone uninvited has been creeping around my house. I found these tracks Sunday morning after no tracks were there Saturday. The snow was perfect, so I knew that I'd been visited.

Today, someone broke into a neighbor's house. We live in a tiny subdivision. Tonight, we all had dinner together. Now, we all know each other. We have everyone's phone number and know what each other drives.

Watch out, mutherfucka'.