Monday, February 16, 2009

You KNOW I Don't Do This

But Sage asked me and he's got some kind of weird control over the ladies.

Rules to Isabella's Naughty Meme of Firsts:
1. Please post these at the beginning of your meme.
2. Please include a link to
Sex Talk For Men.
3. Please include as many sordid details in your answers as possible -- if you haven't got any, make them up!
4. Tag 3 people. (Yeah, there's anyone left that hasn't done this meme.)

1. First French kiss?
I was *such* a late bloomer. I didn't kiss a boy...for real...until I was 15. It was Cameron, I'm sure, but I can't tell you more than that because I honestly don't remember anything other than he was a good kisser. When I was dating boys for that brief year, I was mostly trying to figure out what was missing. Now, I know. It was boobs.

My first girl kiss was with my first girlfriend. At the first sleep-over at my house.

Me: I'm going to do something to you that you've never had done before.
Her: Ok.
Me: Kisses her passionately.
Her: Are you gay?!
Me: No, are you?
Me: No
Us: Continue kissing.

2. First boyfriend/girlfriend.

Do you really want to know about my first boyfriend? He sang bass in the church choir and my mother LOVED him. Thought he was the perfect gentleman and he was. He would always say "Yes ma'am" and "Thank You" to my mother as we were on our way out the door to go screw ourselves silly in the back of the car or on the picnic table at the park.

My first girlfriend was Michele when I was 16. She was my first friend at my first job. I wore lots of silk dresses and she wore chinos with white shirts. We'd go for rides in her jeep and talk for hours on end. My boyfriend at the time said, "I don't like you hanging out with that butch-girl, Michele."

I promptly dumped him.

3. First type.
Butch girls with jeeps and bandanas tied around their heads. Give me a break, it was the 80s! Or just butch girls. As a matter of fact...that's still my type!

4. First time you had sex.
Gary was a star on the basketball team and damn he was built! Tall, muscular, dark, handsome. My parents went to a hockey game and we did it on the couch. Clumsy and ok, clumsy just about sums it up. WTF was I thinking having sex on the living room couch KNOWING my parents would be coming home SOMETIME.

5. First celebrity crush.
David Cassidy or any other boy with long hair that looked like a girl. Then came Kristy McNichol. *swoon*

6. First sexual fantasy.
Kristy McNichol chooses me to play on her softball team. Then we have a sleepover. Just me and her. That still kinda gets me going!

7. First person you fell in love with.
My first girlfriend. I still have one of her red bandanas with cowboy hats and boots on it.

8. First proper sex toy.
My....oh let me count....fourth girlfriend and I ordered a vibrating strap-on from Good Vibrations back in the early 90s. That was the only time I've gotten to be on the boy side of the strap-on. That was FUN! It's straps were made out of elastic. Yes, the white stuff. Tres sexy!

9. First porn video.
I worked for a management consulting firm when I got out of college and everyone knew I was a lesbian. The financial consulting guy and I were good friends since we travelled together a lot. He asked if I would buy him a "real" lesbian porn video. He knew that the women with long red nails and pink mirabo pumps waiting for the repairman weren't legit. I gave it to him and the very next day he brought it back. It totally destroyed his lesbian fantasy, because those women would kick his ass and go right back to what they were doing!

10. First sexy lingerie item/sexy briefs owned.
I had a black lace teddie that my first girlfriend bought me. Snaps at the crotch are very convenient!

11. First time giving oral.
I don't even remember. How bad is that?

12. First time getting oral.
I was 15 years old and on a fishing tournament trip with my parents, who were apparently horrible judges of character when it came to guys. The guy in the cabin next to us kept flirting with me while I was out on the deck. I went for a hike and found a nice place to read in the woods. He just "happened" to be hiking on the same trail and invited me to go down to the marina with him later and hang out. My parents agreed to let me go play video games with him. He was about 25 and I knew he wasn't wanting to play Ms. Pacman.

We walked upon the hill overlooking the marina. He laid out a big blanket under the stars and promptly went where no one had gone before. Right then, I gained an appreciation for older men.

13. First orgasm given by someone else.
Sadly, not any of the guys that I had sex with. My first girlfriend got that pleasure. Over and over and over...

14. First one night stand.
I was between girlfriends and shooting pool at a long gone lesbian bar downtown. Oh wait...I think that the 25 year old that I picked up on the fishing trip gets this honor! I keep forgetting about the boys.

15. First dirty book/dirty mag read.

In my cousin's closet were a slew of Playboys, Penthouses and Hustler magazines. I don't remember the first time. But every time I was left alone....I would head upstairs to that bedroom closet. Hours of fun!

And just in case your blog looks as lame as mine, you might be interested in THIS:

Rules for
Isabella Snow's February blog makeover contest! Entering is easy! Just copy and paste this blurb to your blog (make sure the links still work!) and then email Isabella a link to your blog post. The contest deadline is at midnight GMT Feb 28. One winner will be selected the following day by a drawing of names; the name will be posted here; and the winner will be emailed, as well. New blogs will be completed within two weeks of winning. One entry per blog. customization only, see the Blogbunnie Blog Design portfolio for options.


Anonymous said...

Excellent answers!!
dang none of the guys led you to the promised land???

Those kind give us a bad name.

Thanks for playing, I enjoyed reading your answers!

~*Jobthingy*~ said...

LOL! 25?! and your parents let you go? damn.. you had them wrapped around your finger LOL

Real Live Lesbian said...

Jobthingy: They thought I was a good girl! ;)

Vodka Mom said...

holy crap- I did the same stupid thing at my house with Tightwad. Hormones make you LOSE your DAMN mind

phd in yogurtry said...

My first was a basketball player and a shortstop. good hands, that boy!

phd in yogurtry said...

My first was a basketball player and a shortstop. good hands, that boy!

phd in yogurtry said...

My first was a basketball player and a shortstop. good hands, that boy!

phd in yogurtry said...

oh my, I was so excited thinking about basketball hands that I posted three times!

Isabella Snow said...

LOLOL at your first French kiss dialogue. How cute! Thanks for doing my meme! And thanks for entering the contest! Good luck!! :)

Gary Rith Pottery Blog said...

you're still a good girl RLL ;^)

Anonymous said...

Fantastic answers!! I love the first french kiss memory. That's awesome!!


Beth said...

ha! Love your answers!

I used to "amke out" with my girl of us would pretend to be the boy...and we were "practicing" kissing and stuff, for when we really had a boyfriend. No orgasms tho. :(

Jay said...

I've had the same softball then sleepover fantasy about Kristy McNichol.

Karen said...

Excellent! I answered each in my head, but I would be scared to post the answers on my blog.

Gina said...

I'm with Karen. Not only are you hilarious, but you're brave, too...

Anonymous said...

Damn RLL i think you have a bunch of sexy commentors I don't know!!!
Well other'n Jay! I like jay but he ain't my type!!!

Lu' said...

Great picture :) Nicely done post.

Anonymous said...

I remember really wanting to look like Kristy McNichols.

Love, love love her in the Pirate movie and Only When I laugh.

My oldest sister looks like her. Kind of.


Bond said...

I have to agree with both his comments! LOL

Sinnerviewer said...

I REALLY like this post. Why can't eveyone's blogs be full of such good, useful and stimulating information? Brava!

Amber said...

interesting to read a lesbian point of view on this meme. Thanks for playing!
I played too, if ya wanna peek :o)

Autumn said...

oh i am so glad i clicked over! great answers, so much fun to read.

CJ said...

This was a very fun read! And that picture... Nice little visual before I had off to bed (to sleep).

we're doomed said...

Dear RLL, looks like the only thing you left out was the spin the bottle game. What an enthusiastic start to your life of adventure.

Matt-Man said...

Ha. The dialogue in Number One is pretty funny. Cheers!!

Scrappy Doo said...

Scrappy here. Thanks for following my blog. Wow what a picture! I did that one in my early 20's Needless to say my husband loves that story.
Well, Welcome to my off balance kind of life.
Have a great day!

Scrappy Doo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Laura said...

OMG....I think Im blushing!

QuietCypher said...

Your a very good writer.

nitebyrd said...

Great answers. Very honest and direct. I'm so damn nosey, I just LOVE this meme! LOL

Ultra Princess said...

I would kill for either one of their bodies too!!!!

An Artist Exposed said...

Great answers - I still have to do this one...