Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Intolerance

Image thieved from Keeper of the Sanity


Butch: Slang. a lesbian, esp. one notably masculine in manner or appearance.

Lesbians are divided into many categories both by straight people and by us. I'm a Lipstick Lesbian. I'm girly, sleep with women and I wear lipstick. That's just about all the definition that you'll need.

We are comprised of the athletic types, the androgynous ones who fall in the middle of the butch-femme continuum, the granola-eating, women-identified ones that wear birkenstocks and let their leg hair grow long, butches with long hair, short hair, stone butches, soft butches and many, many more.


Often, I hear, "If I'm going to be with someone that looks like a man, I might as well BE with a man."

Really, you think so? You think that being with a woman that wears her hair short or who doesn't wear make-up is the same as being with a man? How shallow.

This type of divisiveness bothers me. As if we need to be divided from within. I hear it from a certain group of people that I know. It's down-putting to the women who happen to be my polar opposite. And yeah, I like 'em that way.

I find that their butchness has very little to do with their femininity. How's that for a mind-fuck? They cry, they're soft, they miss their parents, cook fabulous meals, and frankly do everything that I do as a "lipstick lesbian." But because they look different and might not be what you find attractive, you classify them as what you consider to be the worst insult...a man.

It bothers me for two reasons. Men are nice. They just aren't who I want to go for a romp in the hay with. They aren't bad. They're just different.

Secondly, do we really need to hate our own kind? Isn't there enough of that in the world?


37 comments:

Cap'n Ergo Jinglebollocks said...

what's a "stone" lesbian?? I've not heard that one before.

I myself am actually kinda genderfuck (shocking, I know) which is why I need to be careful when I drink around attractive people: I just get all squishy and touchy-luvvy and what plumbing ya gots ain't all that important to me. I also like short hair on women and long hair on guys and glasses on both and GREAT BIG BRAINS. I'm willing to look past a LOT for great big, squeezable, smart brains...

i am the diva said...

this was an excellent post. i find i always end up being attracted to the person, regardless of what they look like, and what kind of equipment they have. Give me someone who adores me and stimulates me intellectually and sexually - and it's on baby.

you label me, you negate me... thank you Wayne's World.

Dana said...

I think intolerance, especially when it comes from your own "people" (for lack of a better phrase) is often the most disturbing. On a similar note, my hubs often says to me, "That is such a CHICK thing" or "That is real CHICK logic" which I find equally disturbing and in the same realm as comparing a woman to a man based entirely on appearance.

buffalodickdy said...

Labels are for products. People are individuals. Unique- whether you like it or not.

Aunt Jackie said...

RLL... I totally agree. Intolerance is the only thing that we seem to be able to set our watches by these days.

People should take swift looks in the mirror before they even think about judging the next person.

Some people are just asses though, and don't care about anyone but themselves.

Hammer said...

It's human nature to compartmentalize (is that a word) their likes dislikes and predjudices.

I think people do it to feel better about themselves. Not that it makes name calling any less hurtful.

KellyKline said...

Amen, Sister! You know that old saying - "A butch on the streets but a femme in the sheets!" And butch girls moan and scream LIKE ANY OTHER GIRL. Now THAT'S hot!

People are always surprised when they find out that I'm a lesbian. I get all kinds of responses, like "You're too pretty to be a lesbian," or "You just haven't been with the right guy," or (my favorite that I love to hate) "Well, you just need a good man like ME and I'll change your mind!"

Ummmmm ... no thanks.

I love my girl. I love her curves. I love her softness. I love her smell. I love her touch. I love her sweet, sweet kisses. I love her cooking. I love that she actually helps me around the house. I love that we share similar goals and dreams, which are oriented around each other. I love that I am important to her. I love that I'm the center of her world.

Just what I always wanted.

Em said...

Goodness... I would not think sleeping with a "masculine" woman would be the same as sleeping with a man. Not at all. Why? Because she isn't a man, she's a woman. Duh. :-)

Eric said...

It is the same in our world here to. I am a "Princess" because my butt wiggles and I talk with my hands. I am "Shock Jock" because I like to watch football, work out, and work on my car. Then I am the ever famous "Queen" because I keep a clean house and am anal retentive when it comes to cleanliness. Whatever people, I am just queer, simple as that, stop trying to fancy it up!

J said...

Hi! I 'lurk' here often and I just wanted to say that I loved this post. I sent it along to a friend of mine who wrote on a similar topic recently. I hope that is ok!

Jay said...

Every group has people in it that wants everyone to conform to THEIR standards and specifications. I've never understood it. Just let people be who they are.

Nyx said...

I came over to your blog from a comment you left on one of Hammer's posts. After reading through some of your posts... Wow. You sound like someone I'd just love to give a big hug to! I love the way you sound like a gentle, caring woman while being totally blunt and calling it like you see it.

By the way, I showed my husband the post with the USMC body paint on the women. He was just discharged from the Marine Corps a year ago, and we both enjoyed those pictures. :)

Southern Sage said...

hate idiots and idiots suck.
Thats akin to blacks dividing by shade?!?! They say that is a real divide too.
I can't figure out why anyone cares?
hmm
good post.

coopernicus said...

Let's do away with all labels and let's all just be people...wait, that's a label isn't it? Hmmm....guess I need a new word..but then that would be a label too...

AHHHHHH...it's a Catch-22!!! (which is also a label)

I'll go with Popeye's sentiment - "I am what I am" and that's all anyone else needs to be as well...

TheBirdman33 said...

I have to get caught up on everybody, just wanted to let you know I'm alive and missed you!

I am glad you think me and my kind are nice (men)

=)

Sassy Mama Bear said...

These words are profound because they speak volumes on a subject that hits everywhere...intolerance and the need to categorize people. Sadly we see it in the homeschooling community far too often too.
So, be true to you and your higher power and that is what life should be all about.

Fortune Cookies said...

ah, the butch/femme continuum, arent we all a bit butch in some ways, a bit femme in some ways, and a bit ambigious as well? I think that the women (in our community specifically) who have such a hard time accepting the "butch" women into the niche are experiencing a touch of internalized homophobia, and a little bit of their own insecurity with identity. What difference does it make to me how another woman wants to dress and look? I had some friends who called my girlfriend of the time, "your boyfriend" (because she was quite butch). It was offsetting to me,hurtful to the girlfriend, and they are no longer my friends. I'm with buffalodickdy - labels are for products, not people.

tt said...

My sweet Sunshine girl is a 'lipstick' lesbian...and her partner is what everyone calls 'butch'...long hair, but no makeup and wears jeans and boots and a hat all day. I don't get why there has to be a label though. Kinda like..tall,short,fat,skinny,...why labels? Of course I was called a 'Tomboy' when I was young cuz I liked to skate and ride my bike and play in the mud. Hummm...I just don't understand why we have to attatch a label to people.
P.S.
I love that lipstick you have on in your pic...tres chic...**wink**

Beth said...

labels hurt...regardless of what it is. Labels are for ignorant people..I say, be who you are and screw everyone else.

Akelamalu said...

Live and let live I say, no-one should be labelled.

Turnbaby said...

I despise labels and feel that those who rely on them are lazy brained and sometimes afraid.

I like to get to know people as they are.

Preposterous Ponderings said...

People who label others aren't sure of themselves...

kateanon said...

People's ignorance leaves me startled sometimes. Some are so quick to assign a label, to try to define people - when no one fits into any one category. This happens more frequently when people feel threatened by their own ignorance.

I keep wishing for the day when I figure out how to eradicate that kind of hatred.

Fu Manchu Dad said...

As usural, my dear, your take is right on! People like to have little labels for people so that they can pin them into their own story easily. People are people and should simply be judged and dealt with on the basis of their actions and the relevance of those actions on each of us as individuals. All of us can experience and display the full gamut of emotions and attitudes available to the human race and so we are as flexible as we are identifiable in our own skins. It's less important that this pigeonholing comes from "within your own group" than it is that it exists at all. Those of us with half a brain, take folks as the individuals that they are. You lady, are one rare individual. Rock on, you individual you!!!

Tall Man Molly said...

In response to what Kelly had to say...It's very annoying to hear the guys that think they can 'convert' a lesbian. As if they hold the key to a woman's happiness in their hands everytime they take a leak. When I hear stupid crap like that...I usually tell them 'Dude, they like penis....just not the ones attached to a man'. (I actually stole that from a lady comic from about ten years ago. But, it does give the fellas pause.)

As for the main point of the post....Discrimination on any level is horrible.

captain corky said...

Men are ok if you're in to that sort of thing, but I'm like you, I prefer to romp in the hay with women. ;)

Jo said...

You have such a good heart...this was a great post.

I understand why people respond to our surfaces, but I'll never understand why anyone makes such personal assumptions based on it.

Well, and it's so much more disappointing when it comes from a group you identify as your own...b/c you expect them to know better.

The Mistress of the Dark said...

Amen to that sista! Amen to that!

Doc said...

I have to agree with you. I can't stand intolerance. Especially when it is born out of ignorance...

(and who knew there were so many "categories" of lesbians)??

Spiky Zora Jones said...

You know I think of it this way...you can't help who your heart chooses. If they make you feel like it's a fine time to be alive. Short hair...long hair, Woman...man, it doesn't matter, just as long as they are the one that makes your heart make flips.

For me it was her. I have been with her 15 years and she still holds my heart...hard to express without going into poetry.

I wear lipstick and I am an athletic girl. I play softball (second base), basketball, (point guard) and bach volley ball. I even ran track...But I love all the girlie things too. I don't like to put up fences...and those that do can't keep me out. My girl...is the girlie type too, but that doesn't mean a thing. I would have fallen in love with her if she had short hair and wore a tool belt...BTW I own three. Ahem. I fix things and when I can't I call someone to show me.

Anyway I own three tool belts, one is for those nights when she says she wants me to wear it...just it.

Leather tools belts...rock.

fab post honey.

Ciao babes. hehehe.

BostonPobble said...

Labels and stereotypes are coming up a lot these days, in my life, the lives of my friends, the lives of the bloggers I read and who read me. Thank you for calling it what it is: intolerance.

I've been away, too, so I'm just now learning you're back. But goodness, it's good to know!

Biscuit said...

I can't really say anything that hasn't been said. You nailed it, everyone who commented nailed it.

I swiped Kel's "I don't mind straight people as long as they act gay in public." button but I have no idea what I'm gonna do with it. I think I want a t-shirt...

KellyKline said...

Re-reading through the comments, I was reminded of ONNNNE more thing that reallllly irritates me. Let me know if this has happened to you -

Chelle and I were on vacation in Florida last year. These guys at the hotel's tiki bar were hitting on us and we told them we weren't interested - that we were together. Oh. My. Gawd. That just made it worse.

"My life-long fantasy is to be with two women."

"Sorry, not interested."

"Oh come on! At least let me WATCH!"

"No way!"

"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease?!"

"No! Would you let some stranger watch you and your WIFE having sex?"

"Absolutely not!"

"Well, it's the same thing!"

He just wouldn't/couldn't see it that way. Asshat.

Lu' said...

I like the no fluff of this post. So true. I think all "groups" bust on themselves as was said earlier, to feel better about themselves. Doesn't make it any less wrong. Possibley by doing that it makes one feel less outside the mainstream by shiming in to their way of thinking? I'm overweight, I have short butch hair, I love my husband and I'm a bitch LOL I'm sure I fit into any number of other catagories...

Diva said...

Well said.

Naughty Endevours said...

I think it's not really anybody elses place to put a label on anybody.

The crowd I run with is made up of such a culturally diverse bunch that I guess I am kind of spoiled.

PetLover said...

I love this post and thank you for being so honest. Why is it that so many people are unwilling to recognize the beauty in diversity? You rock hard! We became full on buds with this post because you out into words what I could not.

My husband is in the military (and thankfully he is not homophobic or racist or anything like that) so I am often in close contact with people who use unkind labels, make uneducated assumptions, and are quick to put others down who happen to fall into any minority. It is very difficult for me to hear and I can only imagine what it is like to actually be on the receiving end of such horrible ignorance.

Bless you for sharing this with all of us. We love you even more for it!

Blessings!
Lacy
www.razorfamilyfarms.com