Wednesday, May 28, 2008


My girl has had her house on the market for a few months. It's in Bumblefuck, Ga, so we had no idea when it would sell. She's had offers. Low-ballers, mostly and folks that were trying to get a great buy during hard times. But fortunately, she wasn't desperate.

Today, she's gotten an offer that's close to full price. Just $5,000 lower than her asking price, they'll pay for all of the closing costs and they aren't asking for anything.

That means that it's my turn to put my home on the market so that we can find one together. As most of you know, Fear has been walking beside me lately. I'm scared of damn near everything. What ifs rule my thoughts.

I'm going through a mid-life crisis at 42. I'm not where I want to be with my career and my body. My family is great. My girlfriend seriously rocks and stands beside me with hugs at the ready when I act like a crazy bitch. I need to get myself in order.

Now that her house is close to selling, I have to get my shit in order. Oh shit! I need to have a yard sale. I need to ebay half of my crap. I am a mess underneath the closet doors.

And that's kind of how I feel about me. I have a good exterior. I look like I have it together. Nice home, nice car, great girlfriend. But underneath, there's a mess of shit that you couldn't imagine.

I guess that makes me human.


Matt-Man said...

I think we all have a mess of shit goin' on. But you have something really good, as do I.

I, like you, have someone who loves me very much, and as I am sure you know, that helps alot. Cheers Real!!

Jay said...

Change can be scary, but this all sounds like good change!

Leighann said...

I think that these are the kind of changes that most people can only hope for. Good luck to you sweetheart, you deserve this happiness!

Akelamalu said...

Change is scary but sometimes it's the only way to go. I'm sure it will turn out just hunky dory! :)

Seamus said...

Change does have a way of making us face things about ourselves that we usually like to ignore. It can be a good thing!

i am the diva said...

Awww, it's completely natural to have those feelings. Luckily your girl is going to be there for you while you sort them out!! welcome to human life!! hugs!

i am the diva said...

Awww, it's completely natural to have those feelings. Luckily your girl is going to be there for you while you sort them out!! welcome to human life!! hugs!

g-man said...

Well {raising glass} here's to getting your shit together and all of us who are a mess underneath.

You can have a blog yard sale. Take pictures of a few things and we can "bid" on them :) Could be fun.

Hang in there, change is scary, but often it is for the better.

Dana said...

Hah! Not only are you human, you're just like me *wink*

Diva said...

Human indeed, Lil Mama.

I really think turmoil is a ruler at some point, or in my case, many points in one's life.

Changes are scary, and leading up to changes, well that's scary too.

Have faith, Sister.

Anonymous said...

I feel like that too. Must be something to do with the 40s!

Micky-T said...

Sounds all to familiar. Once you get started it always seems to fall into place, after the beginning decisions are made.

buffalodickdy said...

Life is a series of choices, all strung together to make it look like it flows... Of course it doesn't flow, it lurches!

Karen said...

I feel like a mess underneath all the time - like if anyone really knew what was going on below the surface, they would reject me.

I think that human though.

Good Luck with getting things in order to sell the house. It is a daunting task, but just take it a little at a time.

RockDog said...

Yeah, I'm about to eBay my life too! real reason though.

Good luck with the house selling thing. :)

Sassy Mama Bear said...

Facing our humanity is difficult isn't it? act is though change is a part of life that we must face. Think of all the opportunities this will bring when you have a home that is yours together.
You will survive. I know you will.

The Mistress of the Dark said...

It will all work out and don't worry we all are that way. Like you said it's what makes you human.


Em said...

It certainly does.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like you got a great lady that loves you much, some errands to keep you busy for awhile, and some options as to your future and some new digs to shop for. Time things right, and a quick trip to California at the right time, maybe a wedding to plan if that's what you want. Doesn't sound like too shitty a deal to me. Your glass is half full dear lady. Now go drink!!!

Matthew 6:31-34

Palm Springs Savant said...

ole reality has set in huh? that's a rough one to deal with, I can't even imagine having to move. yikes. gang in there

Lu' said...

It's the shit behind the door that makes us who we are. Just keep in mind ALL THINGS are do-able one step at a time. As I like to say, don't forget to BREATHE :)

Wondering, don't you two like either of the houses you have? Why not bank the sale money and do a booty whoop remodel on your house making it then both of yours. You could always add her to the deed couldn't you. The remodel might be a lot more fun than looking for a new place.

Beth said...

ya, it makes you MORE than makes you REAL, and that's what I love about bullshit going on, just "realness"

you can do it..change can be good

Tall Man Molly said...

You said

Fortune Cookies said...

change is always scary, but there's something cleansing about purging your belongings and starting anew in a fresh home. I may be weird, but I kinda like moving. shhhhhh! that's just between us. ;)

Fortune Cookies said...

Oh, and we all have that shit beneath the surface, if not, we'd be plastic, or android. it's the shit beneath the surface that festers from time to time that reminds of where we come from, who we are, and how we came to be us. it's what makes us strong, whole, and unique. embrace it.

Mike said...

Why doesn't she just move in??

Or do you have to completely relocate?

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Hum...Hey, I think david felt the same when he wrote.

I still don't know what I was waiting for

And my time was runnin wild

A million dead-end streets

Every time I thought I'd got it made.

It seemed the tastes was not so sweet

So I turned myself to me

But I never caught a glimpse

of how the others must see the faker in me

I'm much too fast to take the test

(turn and face the stain)

Babes...when you are eat the food.

when you are drink the water.

when you want the take the woman...(My fave)

when you want a 'Change' just do it! YOU JUST DO IT!

You will feel wonderful...I promise. Eben if it's n ot what you still makes you feel so alive.

Anonymous said...

I am in a world of shit myself at the moment. I just keep telling myself things will get better.

You need to do the same.

One day things will cool down a bit.

Doc said...

I wish you nothing but the best !!

Jeff B said...

Good ole' baggage. We all have it, and it's usually is some of that old nasty hard sideded crap from the seventies that we keep lugging around.

Hope you're able to purge yourself from it's grip on you.

As another 42 year old, I can totally relate to not being quite where I'd like to be, but at least like you, I have someone who loves me, and believe me that makes a huge difference.

BarnGoddess said...

do not let the 'what ifs' win!

doggybloggy said...

you must be channeling me.....except I dont have a nice house or a nice car

tt said...

just remember to breathe.
....and a wee bit of wine wouldn't hurt either. :)

Anndi said...

You and I should start a support group.

Want to be there to kick each other's butts should we look like either of us is chickening out?

jennifer said...

ACK! Too much bad stuff happening in my closets too. My lack of "got it togetherness" leaves me feeling too often defeated.

BUT.. I wanted to tell you that your visit to Prayerfully Yours made my day. That video about Amazing Grace truly had my bawling. I'm glad that you were touched too.

Take care.


Kimmie said...

I have something for you Real...

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
Proverbs 3:5,6

It will be okay, change is hard, the unknown is scary, but you will be fine. :-)

Anonymous said...

Damn...and I was looking for something in East Bumblefuck...