Monday, May 12, 2008

Fear


I'm afraid that you're going to be like my parents and give me away. I'm afraid that you'll decide to go and at the last minute tell me. I'm afraid that I'm not the one that knows your secrets. I'm afraid that if I change, you won't love me. I'm afraid that I won't lose weight. I'm afraid that I will lose weight. I'm afraid that you'll see underneath my tough exterior and know that I'm a fraud. I'm afraid that I'll never get to do what I want to do. I'm afraid that you'll leave. I'm afraid that I'll end up alone and old. I'm afraid that you'll know how afraid I am and find that unattractive.

Today, I just feel afraid.

50 comments:

kateanon said...

Fear is a terrible thing. *hugs*

Real Live Lesbian said...

Kate: Thanks. Boy, when you de-lurk...you really de-lurk! ;) Glad you're out and about with us.

g-man said...

Bummer babe. {offering hand to hold}

...

I hope that you feel not so afraid soon.

tt said...

I feel ya sister! My brain knows it's actually silly to think this but my heart sometimes isn't sure.
{{{{squeezing the fear out of you}}}..............
Ahhh....feel better now? Now, go put on that fabulous red lipstick...the one from your picture....now..... go look in the mirror......Oh wow!!!.....Look at THAT hottie!! ..who could resist that gorgeous,pouty-mouthed babe with the lucious curves????

;)

Real Live Lesbian said...

G-man: Ohmagah! You're back! Yay! Thanks for the hand. ;) It's appreciated.

tt: I, too know how silly it is. I was hoping that getting all of that out would help. And it did a little. Now I think I need a good massage...WITH my red lipstick on! Thanks. You're just too sweet!

Diva said...

Hey girl! Some days I'm afraid to get out from under the safety of my own bed. Some day are just made to challenge us.

I hope you are feeling better... And I agree red lipstick and a massage will do wonders!

Fortune Cookies said...

fear is our worst enemy. sending some courage your way.

Dash said...

Still here... not going anywhere no matter how afraid you get.

Dash x

Talisman said...

*hugs* I know all of those fears too well.

Anndi said...

Fear is the one thing that hangs around uninvited... if you figure out how to give it the bum's rush let me know. In the meantime, maybe we can hold each other's hand and sing a happy song (it worked for Julie Andrews...).

Raven said...

Red lipstick, massage...a bath, some bits of chocolate and champagne.
Or go shopping. I found that was wonderful therapy this past weekend.
***hug***

Dana said...

Have you run out of hands yet? I have a free one - it's the one you've held many times over the past few months. It's still warm and willing!

Lu' said...

This post just makes you seem more beautiful.

Ginormous Boobs said...

Me too.

Nyx said...

Every word of that made perfect sense to me... especially being afraid of not losing weight and of losing it. I've been lucky enough to learn in the past year that those who love you won't find the fear unattractive. They'll find you even more attractive than someone who could do everything you do without having been afraid to begin with. Strength and courage tend to be very beautiful, and fear is often a prerequisite for them. :)

coopernicus said...

Fear ruled my life for a long time but I've been able to get by it. Now, please don't take this the wrong way..I'm not a born-again anything, I don't subscribe to any religion...
BUT, reading Dr. Norman Vincent Peale's works - especially The Power of Positive Thinking helped me enormously. It may not do anything for you and that's fine. I just wanted to pass along my experience...
Here's a link to a Peale video clip where he talks about fear if you are interested...
Peale Sermon

KellyKline said...

I think what nyx said was very wise.

As far as the massage is concerned, my fave place is Therapeutic Effects in Hermitage - Michael is incredible! He's been my masseuse for over 10 years.

Tall Man Molly said...

It's how you use that fear that defines you. You can let it beat you and submit, or fight it off and overcome it's grasp.

Or..............

You can be like me and take Lexapro....hehe.

buffalodickdy said...

Fear is anticipation of what might happen. It isn't always what will happen... Think of the worst thing that could happen, and then ask yourself- is it really that bad?

Odat said...

I always use these acronyms for fear:

F uck
E verything
A nd
R un

OR

F ace
E everything
A nd
R ecover

Peace....and Hugssssssssss!

Leighann said...

::big hugs::

Hang in there doll.

BostonPobble said...

I think, just maybe, that these are fears we all share. If we could get past the fear that I'm wrong, maybe we wouldn't have to be so afraid. I wish I didn't understand this post as well as I do. You're not alone.

Akelamalu said...

We're all afraid at some time, the secret is not to let it take over. x

Alice said...

thanks for the comments on my photos!

this is a really touching post. i know how you feel. *internet hugs*

Spiky Zora Jones said...

I'm too afraid of being afraid to be afraid. :D

Ciao babes.

Meg said...

I think that sometimes a sweet platitude can be a calming thought in the face of a woman's daily battle with fear. It stops the hands from wringing, if only for a moment. And when it goes, it leaves a little hope footprint and it's to such things a frightened woman clings when nothing else is there.

:)

Em said...

hang in there.

elizabeth said...

Yep. Me too. Let's drink.

Jo said...

I have days like this too...not that I'm ever without fear really, but days when it's weighing on me & I'm feeling a bazillion miles from courage.

It makes you human. Well, I think fear also makes us aware of what we value.

You work through it & somehow end up being more of yourself...that's the light at the end of the tunnel--your inner warrior will overcome.

TheBirdman33 said...

Wow, I'm sorry you felt like this.

I hope you are feeling better, you have a lot of people here that love you!

Sassy Mama Bear said...

Fear my sweet is a vicious beast, but remember you are never alone. We are here.
It is good to do this, let the fears free so you can find comfort.
Big mama bear hugs for you, and hope you are doing mch better.

Cap'n Ergo Jinglebollocks said...

that sux. I'm having moments like that myself an' so are a few friends of mine. Something must be in the water.

Hang tough, chickie! Oh, and this "fear would be impossible"?? Bullshit. Makes for good poetry but bad life. LIFE is feeling the fear WHILE you're still walking. Saying that an emotion is impossible just because someone (probably Jesus, ::sigh::) is besides you is ridiculous an, in my case, makes me feel guilty for feeling what I'm feeling.

But that's just me. Hang in there, toots!!

Cap'n Ergo Jinglebollocks said...

that sux. I'm having moments like that myself an' so are a few friends of mine. Something must be in the water.

Hang tough, chickie! Oh, and this "fear would be impossible"?? Bullshit. Makes for good poetry but bad life. LIFE is feeling the fear WHILE you're still walking. Saying that an emotion is impossible just because someone (probably Jesus, ::sigh::) is besides you is ridiculous an, in my case, makes me feel guilty for feeling what I'm feeling.

But that's just me. Hang in there, toots!!

Tequila Mockingbird said...

awe!

*hugs*

Jen said...

Hopefully, tomorrow you won't be.

Travis said...

Admitting the fear is the first step in facing, then conquering it.

Or you could just leave a light on...that always works for me.

Cheers!

Fu Manchu Dad said...

I was really hoping that was just a poem. I get those moments myself usually from a whole other direction, but, I feel ya' I try to manage my fears by remembering that I can't fix everything and all the afraid in the world won't change that. I just try to buckle down and make the best of what I can. It's all that I can do. I hope it can work for you. Keep on keepin' on sweetie!

Melissa said...

I saw your comment at Alice's site and came here because I love the name of your blog! :)

This post made my cry. I've felt all those things, and I'm not even with someone.

doggybloggy said...

me too!

Micky-T said...

I too have had fears these last few days. Some real, some not. Money ,Love, Future.
I know I'll get past them, and I sure hope you get past yours.
Be as strong as you can,
and you will.

Beth said...

oh sweetie...I'm not going anywhere!!! how strong youa re to admit your fears....takes a strong woman to do that....

elizabeth said...

Now come back and blog to us would you....?

Seraphine said...

I hate feeling afraid. Sometimes fear is rational, most of the time it's just a feeling. It's great that you can verbalize your fear, because that's a great way to compartmentalize it. If you know where it is, you can avoid it better. Hugs.

The Mistress of the Dark said...

Just dropping by with some (((HUGS))) since it sounds like you could use them.

I totally understand your feelings of fear though. They are too often a part of my life.

Jeff B said...

Finally finding some time to make the rounds. Hope your fears are subsiding and that all is well with you.

Dana said...

Just checking back in - hoping some of that fear has faded ...

Karen said...

I am sorry you are feeling that way. Fear is a terrible emotion.

Preposterous Ponderings said...

Trust me I know what fear is all about.I am fighting it myself right now.

Love and hugs to you girl!

tt said...

{{{I'm sending you subliminal messages to blog...}}}
You ok??

Kimmie said...

I know how you feel, I am in that same place right now. Know that you are never alone. Many people love and care about you. And as you well know...Our Lord is with you always. He will never leave you or forsake you. Let him wrap his loving arms around you like a warm cozy quilt and hold you in his arms until you feel better again. He will always take care of his little lost lambs until they are able to walk on their own again.
Warm Hugs,
Kimmie