Thursday, March 18, 2010

Has It Been TWO Years, Jay?

Long, long ago, I asked if anyone had any questions. And Jay had one. He asked:

Seems like more and more women are claiming to be bi these days. Do you think they really are, or do you think most of them are just "fashionably bi?" Hell, do you even believe that any person really is bi or do you believe we are either straight or gay?

That prompted the Fashionably Bi post.

My opinions are waffling all over the place now. I still believe that most of us fall on the scale somewhere, but pop culture has skewed that scale.

Last Saturday night, My Love and I headed out for a birthday party at the local lesbian bar. After the party, as I was sitting downstairs listening to the band, I took a look around.

My gaydar barely blipped.

Straight girls all over the place. Kissing on other straight girls. Breaking hearts of poor, little butch girls that can't see through the big hair and makeup.

Invading what used to be our sanctuary.

I just don't know what to think.


MommyLovesStilettos said...

I think you are one or the other. I really really do. And my girlfriends that play the "bi card" really piss me off. Because they truly are leading people on and it's bullshit. Pick one. Chicks or dicks. ;)

Melissa said...

They wouldn't be kissing each other if they didn't enjoy it, unless of course, they are completely shallow little pop culture twits.

Melissa XX

Jay said...

Two years later and there still isn't any real answer. I don't have an answer to that question either.

Is just being willing to have sex with both men and women all it takes to be bi-sexual? Or does there have to be some emotional connection?

This is probably all MTV's fault. ;-)

Mike said...

Is this post about Jay day? I missed it.

J.J. said...

A (former) male friend told me he was bi because "I kissed a guy while hammered at a party."

I asked, "Did you enjoy it?"

He immediately replied, "No."

I said, "Sorry to disappoint you, but you're not bi."

I think he just wanted to belong because he lives in San Francisco. lol!

Lu' said...

I think they are wrong to invade your space.

Epskee said...

I identify as Bi.

But most people who do, piss me the hell off, and I do them!

For those who think kissing a girl makes you bi, I just nod and move on. For those who do it because (and this is something I REALLY heard be said) "the only way you can get a man nowadays is to f**k a woman" well, I say no wonder YOU cant, if that's how you think! (and I also wonder about the calibre of man they are trying to get)

Personally, I love my (male) partner to death. But if I wasnt able to have women too, well, I dont think we would last. And my last serious relationship was the total reverse, with my partner being female.

Ive dated both sexes, but neither one to the complete exclusion of the other (after a certain length of time).

Unlike the "fashionable" so-called bi girls, I dont flaunt it. I dont kiss girls for male attention. I dont have my male partner there when I am with a woman (well, sometimes I do if truth be told - but not usually)

It would be a far better world if we all stopped pretending for the sake of others, and trying to label everything and make it fit into these perfect little boxes.

I both love, and make love, to men AND women. Whatever that makes me (besides very happy!)

Teri and the cats of Furrydance said...

females...what's not to like? They are soft, smell good and make sweet sounds when aroused (at least the one's I've been with). Just because all my long term relationships have been with men...well, the right woman was not around at the time...I feel I am bi

vixen kitten said...

I identify myself as bisexual. I date both men and women. Actually, I was in a relationship with a pre-op transexual woman too. I just don't rule a relationship out with someone based on their sex, or if they started life as a man, and decided their heart was female. If the chemistry is there I explore the possibilities.

I've been in more relationships with women than men. I am also more attracted to women. I'm attracted to maybe 10% of the men I meet. That has to do with the fact that I can't stand the ego most guys tote around.

I've never had a threesome with a man and another woman. If a guy I'm dating suggests it when they find out I'm bisexual, I usually dump them fairly quickly. Prolly because I never really learned to share too well in kindergarten. *snort* I don't's just not my thang.

So, what is it I should call myself? I don't think I'm a lesbian, because there are men I lust for. I'm not straight. I'm also not confused! I could easily see myself settled down *cough* one day to either sex. OK, not in the too near future...but one day!

I'm open to the beautiful hearts that some people have, to the unique things they can teach me, to the amazing experiences we can share together. Why would I ever want to rule out those possibilities with 50% of the population!

Just my honest and humble opinion.


13messages said...

This is such an interesting post. If I'm thinking of the same club, it's extra tough since they advertise a bit more broadly than just for a certain "type." I love going because it's such a friendly place and the karaoke is so fun, but I still feel self-conscious since I'm a straight male.

My wife loves going, too. Although she is very curious, we don't hit on anyone or expect to be hit on since we respect the friendly vibe of the place so much.

Have a great weekend. Your blog is fantastic.

Doc said...

Ahh yes I remember this discussion well!

Evil Twin's Wife said...

I've always believed that there is a "sliding scale" of where people find their sexuality. It can be 100% gay, 75% gay or 50/50 all the way to the other end of 100% straight. Whatever each individual feels comfortable doing and as long as it's consenting legal aged adults, then I don't have a problem with it.

I consider myself straight, but bi-curious - I've been with women and enjoyed the experiences. I can't see myself in a long term relationship with a female, though.

Poindexter said...

no clear answers, are there. It's totally about the chemistry between two people, regardless of gender. For me, the teeter-totter tips on the female side. I'm here and stayin here. Tried that other thing, but that's a long story for another day.

Indigo said...

I myself have a different story, but I'm not out to be criticised so I'm not telling. I love women.. and there could be a strond debate here for anyone gender wise etc, but I'm not in the mood for discussion either, each to their own I say, but they sould not invade your privacy-having said that would you go into a straight bar n steal a quick snog off ya girlie? In which case you are pinching the 'straight' people's bar... ust one of many annoying opinions I might have ;)

Southern Sage said...

I commented on that post then but before I went and check if I had commented I had the same thoughts about predisposition.

What sucks is hat I haven't been with 2 hicks again!

Lynette said...

the bi that gets me right now is our married straight neighbor who is after my lesbian college girl. i wanna jump up and shout....leave her alone, your taken.
but a mom I have to sit and let it work out on its own.

twiddling thumbs and sharpening steak knives?????

Real Live Lesbian said...

Actually, it's a very open bar. It's not ONLY lesbian...although the owners are and that's where we tend to gather.

They let straight folks in.


Gina said...


Would it confuse me further if I told you that one of my female friends talked me into doing something today by promising me she'd make out with me the next time she saw me? (We've never made out, just constantly joke about it.)

And my response was that she better let me play with her boobs too?

I consider myself more on the straight side of the sexuality continuum, but the fact that I think there is a continuum should explain how I feel about this topic.

Queen-Size funny bone said...

most want to PLAY and don't want to SAY.....

Bizarro Aunt Jackie said...

I am on the side of the ones above who say it's possible to like both sexes, and I can see and understand that.

I Don't believe people should be made to "pick a side" if they honestly enjoy both, people should be able to be free and be themselves without judgment (you now that's never the case).

However, I also think that there is a select group of "trendy bi girls" that do go out just for the attention, and flaunt it. That's wrong... They are only doing it because they think it's the in thing.

Those people invading your space is unfair... truly.

pegbur7 said...

I have an award for you over on my blog!

微笑每一天 said...


Bond said...

That seems so strange..though I used to go club hopping to the gay bars in Manhattan with a few lady friends...after a while the regulars knew I was straight and didn't seem to mind

Little T said...

I took in a drag show this past weekend at my local lesbian bar. The hostess asked for applause from the gay men, lesbians, bi and straight alike. The straight girls by far outnumbered all of the rest. I am a straight gay lover and while I don't always go to the gay bar, I do prefer it. I don't try to fly bi;-) I am just a loving supporter of equality.

Charlene said...

It is my opinion that all uninhibited people are bi. That is if you want to put a label on them.

All flesh feels the same in the dark.

Laura said...

we are the "cool kids"! Everyone wants to try it! lol

AWJ said...

This is such an interesting topic. I think it all comes down to labels. I label myself because people want to put me in a category. (I'm gay.. not bi.).. but it's just a label. People want you to be one or the other.. you're this or that.. there's no in between, black or white. So.. the answer to this question doesn't really matter.. we just all strive for an answer because it's how our brains work.

I feel bad for the bi people sometimes. They're not accepted by the straight group.. and they're hardly accepted by the gay/lesbian group... rough. That being said, the bi girls that are doing this for the fad annoy the crap out of me. Every bi girl I've ever been friends with.. I always look at their gay relationships and know that they're really thinking.. husband, white-picket fence future. And I know not everyone is like that by any means.. but these ones are only in it for the fad.

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Hi honey. I'm a straight girl pretending to be lesbian. I'm pretty good at it. I've been doing it since I was 13 years old.

just saying. :)

Snooker said...

Pretty simply I identify as a lesbian because I really can't imagine a long-term, emotional relationship with a guy. That said, I can still look at a man and see interesting aspects.

My ex is bi. Her ideas on the topic were intriguing. She said that she fell in love with the person, not the equipment. How refreshing. She didn't really want a label, she just ended up with it.