Friday, December 4, 2009

Ugly

My mother used to say, "you're acting ugly." She meant that I was being not nice, mean, vindictive, hateful.

Ugly.

Lately, I've been ugly. Very, very ugly.

I'm ashamed of myself. I know better. And I'm going to do better. Be better.

Someone in my life isn't nice to me. Doesn't love me. Thinks little of me. Treats me poorly. And no, it's not someone that I can avoid. That's my usual tactic.

When someone treats me that way, I can turn. I try to kill them with kindness, but that does get old. Sometimes I don't think they deserve my niceness.

I turn ugly. I am clever and quick, so if you put me down, I'll put you down harder, but in a backhanded way that will occur to you later. If you hate something about me, I'll flip it on you before you even know what hit you.

It takes a lot to get me to go "ugly." But when I do, I am relentless. And I have been for the last week. Even though this person is gone, the ugliness harbors inside of me.

Today, I want it gone. I'm going to let it go and try a little harder to not be ugly. Because it is directly affecting the one person that I love the most. Me.

26 comments:

Poindexter said...

agreed, best to let it go. Let it GO. Your serenity matters so much more. That person's nastiness has, after all, nothing to do with you really. It's inside them. So let them keep it.
-Diane

Gwen said...

We are very similar in this. Try dancing it out to your favorite rump-shakin' song and thinking about puppies. PUPPIES!

If all else fails, try bourbon.

ShellSpann said...

Funny, my mother ALWAYS used that term..."ugly". And now as an adult I find myself saying that too.

I could have written this entry. I'm a sweet person until you cross me....and then I can cut you like a knife with my words. Sometimes I wish I had more control over that.

SkylersDad said...

Gwen and I have similar tactics for dealing with the Uglies, except I lick bourbon off of puppies.

Wait, that didn't come out quite right...

Akelamalu said...

I hate it when I act 'ugly', it's not me and it's not nice. Put that ugly behind you. x

Little T said...

I.feel.you.

I have a need to put down some baggage myself. Do what makes you happy and that feeling will fade.

Micky-T said...

I don't believe it! Not for one minute.

Queen-Size funny bone said...

do your best, thats all anyone can ask.

J.J. in L.A. said...

When someone is particularly "not nice" to me, I do the same thing as you. But I've even gone so far as to cause temporary bodily harm (I aimed for, and hit, Mr. Happy and the twins with a metal crutch - twice), after someone kept harrassing me. I don't like that side of me but it sure felt good in the moment. ; )

nitebyrd said...

I'm sorry you can't avoid the person that brings out the "ugly" in you. Apparently that person has no damn sense and doesn't appreciate your beauty!

It'd be nice if you could just smack 'em upside the head, wouldn't it?

Evil Twin's Wife said...

I think if someone is disrespectful to you, they don't deserve anything other than ugly. My mom used that saying all the time and also, "That's not very becoming" and I use the same phrases with my two rugrats.

Indigo said...

It is the other person that obviously has issues with 'themselves' so they take it out on other people to compensate for their stupidy. Tell 'em how it is... tell 'em to go fuck 'em selves... in other words FUCK OFF!! They should hopefully get the message, I've just been there, they get the message eventually, you deserve way more nice you.. ditch the bitch!!

James said...

I cannot imagine you getting "ugly"...this person must have really got under your skin.
Do what you gotta do then let it go..

Dana said...

I think you conquered UGLY *wink*

Thank you!

Ily said...

I hate that...people we can't avoid that bring out the worst in us. I'm glad that person is no longer around you (for now) and I hope you're able to let go and go back to being beautiful you. :)

Lynette said...

it is so hard to let go of that anger, hate, ugly....but your right

it only hurts ourselves

Fiesty Charlie said...

Found your blog through Twitter and am ever so glad I did! You totally rock with your honesty.

Keep writing, as it is a pure joy to read!!

shellys said...

People who are ugly bring out the ugly in me too.

Sometimes there are people in this world who are nice in public but ugly behind the scenes to manipulate people. When people meddle in my business or talk trash about me, it brings out my ugly side.

On the other hand, there is a lady I know who works at an ugly bar who is quite beautiful. She just has a bunch of people using her who sometimes bring out the ugly in her too.

The key to removing the ugly in oneself is removing all the manipulators and liars from the picture.

I don't know about anybody else. This always makes me feel better!

Jaimey said...

I tend to be very similar. It takes a lot but when I go ugly- look out. :) Hang in there. hug yourself. they are NOT worth the effort.

Lu' said...

Just look in the mirror. Now don't you feel pretty :)

Laura said...

wow, do I understand!

Doc said...

Remind me to stay on your good side...

Ashleigh said...

I can relate. Good to move on.

Bond said...

I never heard the term until I moved South...

Trish said...

a few people have suggested I have an anger problem. the reality is, I manage my anger quite well, it's just when someone pushes, and pushes, and pushes, and pushes, and pushes,and pushes, and pushes, and I take it all those times, but they push once more and I finally have HAD IT UP TO HERE...it is ugly, frequently by that point I no longer care about someone else's feelings, because they've hurt me way past where I can take it anymore. Oh, right, but *I* have the anger issue...sigh.

And yes, there is someone whom is currently feeling my ugliness...and she can kiss my tush. I am not willing to let her drive my blood pressure up any longer, or ruin my life...she can go ruin her own thankyouverymuch.

Hope your ugly is moving on and brighter sunshine ahead.

Rachel Cotterill said...

I don't know whether to be relieved or disappointed that I completely lack those skills... but I certainly don't want to upset you!