Happy New Year!

I just think that picture says it all! Here's to a wonderful and prosperous 2010!

I Actually Said, "NO WAY!"

Out loud when I saw the headline.

Judge: Birth Mom Must Give Child to Ex-Partner

Stories like this give me hope that someday we'll all be considered equal.

I Wondered Where That Was....

I'm going to miss everyone. Apparently, too much pot smoking while I was in college has finally caught up with me. 

I think I killed my last brain cell Saturday night.

I wonder if the measuring cup is in the fridge?

Is It Ever Too Late?

Kylie says it's not. And I agree.

Tomorrow, I'm going to my aunt's house for lunch. My mother just stopped by and we were going over what we're taking. She said, "Just a few of us" at one point and then later said there would be 25 people. Confused, I asked her who WAS going to be there.

She said her sister had told her that just about everyone was going to be there, but never mentioned my favorite cousin's new girlfriend. He's 54 and recently divorced. Bitterly. As in, the ex got almost everything.

I really like his new girlfriend. She's really sweet, seems to adore HIM, and she's friendly. But my aunt thinks that he's had enough bad luck with women and should leave them alone.

And yet, my girlfriend was welcome and actually invited. What an odd double standard.

Merry Quiet Christmas Eve

Most of you that know me, know that I'm an only child. With a catastrophic case of "only child syndrome." There's always the threat of being alone. No brothers or sisters mean no nieces or nephews. If I live long enough, I'll watch all of my family that I love so much go to the other side.

Driving around this morning, I started thinking about being without my Love this weekend. And I was a bit blue. Thinking of her and her big family. Eating crowded around the table. Tons of people and plenty of presents. I had a minor pity party.

Then suddenly, something inside me said, "Wait to see what these five days will bring before you discount them. Just wait. You might be surprised."

Later, I took My Love to the airport and she's on her way WAY up North. I picked up dinner for me and my parents and went to their house. The home that I grew up in. It was just the three of us. And it was just perfect.

What A Gift!

My Love is going home for Christmas. Without me. We can't drive 11 hours through a blizzard with out two fur-children, so last week we bought her a ticket. She's leaving today, Christmas Eve at 3pm and will be gone for five long days.

Since she won't be around for opening gifts tonight and tomorrow, we had our Christmas present opening with my parents yesterday afternoon. I'm drinking coffee this morning from the Starbucks Moose Mug that I've had my eye on for some time!

Like a lot of people, our Christmas was much leaner this year. But honestly, I didn't notice. We spent less. Big deal.

What was a big deal? Having dinner with my parents and all of us talking. Including my Daddy. He talks to My Love. TO her.

He's always been distant with my girlfriends. I know it's hard for him. He doesn't know what to do and what not to do, so sometimes, he's quiet and it seems that he's aloof.

But not yesterday. Yesterday, we ALL laughed and talked. And I realized again how very similar me and my Dad are.

It Wasn't Like You See On TV

I arrive at his front door and was quickly directed to his basement. Walk around his pool table that has long since been abandoned, to a side room. Concrete floor. Without heat, so it was in the 50 degree range. A bare incandescent bulb dangles from the ceiling. I am freezing.

He had gotten the roaster and the mill earlier in the day and told me to be there as soon as possible. His friend had given him cacao beans the week before and we are going to play with them.

We are going to make chocolate of some sort.

We pour a double handful into the roaster and push one of the programs. About 16 minutes go by and I smell it. That heavenly chocolate smell. A smell that the raw beans didn't have when we put them in. And similarly to my keen sense of *knowing* when brownies are done, I knew when the cocoa beans had roasted long enough.

After running them through the mill to crack them into nibs, we walk outside with my blow drier. It's around 40 degrees and very dark outside. He blows and I run my hands through the nibs to sift and blow out the husks. I'm covered in debris, but we have nibs.


After damn near killing his new BlendTec blender, we have finely ground nibs mixed with dried milk and sugar....

and a perfect cup of hot cocoa that I can't even drink.

I did take a tiny taste and it was delicious! A tad gritty, but wonderful. After a little research, it turns out we need a Champion Juicer. I'll let you know if we get one. And if we do, I'm making some sugar free cocoa from scratch!

Still, One of My Favorites

When I first started blogging....nobody came. Nobody commented. Until Dana did. And then nobody else came around for a long time. It was just a few of us. Blogging.

I "met" Jay, Matt-Man, G-man and a few others. I had no idea what I was doing. I still don't. I have no "theme." No reason really to blog. Except that I hope when I'm 80, I can look back and remember.

I'm reminiscing because I came across this pic. Dana sent me this ornament a few years ago and I still love it! She made it. It just looks so happy to me. And I hope all of that happiness finds it's way back to her soon.

What Do YOU

want for Christmas?

Me? I'd like a concrete driveway. Think big! Whaddya want?

Besides her. She's just a picture from Lover's Lane Intimates.

And I Said

"No, not really." I quickly changed the subject back to the lights in the parking lot.

But I was thinking, "Are you kidding me? My Love would SHOOT you!"

When I emailed My Love later...thinking she'd get a laugh, she emailed back:

HELLLLL NO! Who is he? I will kick his ass!!

So, she really didn't see the humor in it. Later, we're chatting about it and she said, "They're always wanting to watch." If she believes that, I have some beach front property in East TN that she might like.

I Swear, I Did NOT Ask For THAT

I've been slack-jawed most of the morning. And still am quite.... well, flattered I supposed. Among other things. Apparently, I still have it "going on."

You see, I was sitting here. Minding my own business. Working. And one of the guys that works around here came in. He's a great looking guy. In his 40s. Available. I've always thought he was really attractive. Nice car. Dresses well. Always very put together.

I'd like to add that I look pretty cute today. ::winks::

We're talking about well, stuff. The lights in the parking lot. How lucky I am to have found the woman of my dreams. Christmas. What we're doing for New Year's. This. That. The other.

Then he says, "Would you two ever consider....you know, having a guy join you."

I'm afraid he may have seen my jaw hit the floor.

Growwwlllll

On Saturday, I eliminated sugar...refined sugar, that is...from my diet. Again.

Currently, I am a growling, grumpy-assed bitch. When I'm at my VERY best.

How Can Two People Be SO Different?

You see, I'm a #4 in color and a #2 in size. I like 'em BIG. BIG, BIG, BIG!!!!

The bigger the better! But my Love, she like's 'em little....like a #7 or even smaller. But riper than my perfect #4.

I swear, she has no idea what a good banana is like!

WHY would you want a little bitty banana? I will never understand her.

If You

are just going through the motions. If you're stuck in a rut. If you want something more.

Do it. Do it right now!

This is not a dress rehearsal. It's the only shot you have.

Laugh until you cry. Love. Be the bigger person. Give. Share. Be who you are meant to be. Don't settle for anything less than what you deserve.

No Thanks...I'll Pass

Monday morning, I went downstairs to have coffee with the love of my life. Things are a tad tighter around our house. We don't grocery shop as often and some of the luxuries are gone from the fridge.

But still, life's fantastic. I would never complain.

Me, pulling out the coffee pot: We're out of cream, aren't we?

Her, relaxing on the couch in front of the fire: No, I found some in the behind the wine.

Me: Good!

Her: If you pour it really slowly, the clumps don't come out. It tastes okay, too!

Just the word *clump* was enough for me.

Ugly

My mother used to say, "you're acting ugly." She meant that I was being not nice, mean, vindictive, hateful.

Ugly.

Lately, I've been ugly. Very, very ugly.

I'm ashamed of myself. I know better. And I'm going to do better. Be better.

Someone in my life isn't nice to me. Doesn't love me. Thinks little of me. Treats me poorly. And no, it's not someone that I can avoid. That's my usual tactic.

When someone treats me that way, I can turn. I try to kill them with kindness, but that does get old. Sometimes I don't think they deserve my niceness.

I turn ugly. I am clever and quick, so if you put me down, I'll put you down harder, but in a backhanded way that will occur to you later. If you hate something about me, I'll flip it on you before you even know what hit you.

It takes a lot to get me to go "ugly." But when I do, I am relentless. And I have been for the last week. Even though this person is gone, the ugliness harbors inside of me.

Today, I want it gone. I'm going to let it go and try a little harder to not be ugly. Because it is directly affecting the one person that I love the most. Me.

If You're Going To Put Your Finger In My

Well, my "backdoor"....I'd like a little notice.

Yesterday, I had my annual girl visit with the doctor. She's chit chatting asking if I'd been on any vacations this year and WOW, I wasn't expecting THAT.

My eyebrows are still up at my hairline!