Thursday, November 20, 2008

You've Been Had



Talking about one of her exes, my girl says, "Why is it that you always think that he wants to sleep with me?"

"Because that's the way men are."

Or at least that's what I've been told by my men friends. After one of my relationships (how's that for vague? I've had 7 long term ones), my ex was loitering about ALL the damn time. I couldn't seem to get rid of her. When I brought it up to the guys at the gym, they said that she's just like a guy.

"What does that mean?" Honestly, it's been a long time since I've had any guy experience. Twenty seven years to be exact.

They explained:
Once a guy has well, "had" you, they think they can always have you. It's like you've been marked by them. They figure since they've done it once, they can find their way back in. By hanging around. By just being at the right place at the right time. By being convenient.

Trust me, I know women can be this way, too.

And so, I'm wondering what you think?

Guys, is it true?

Girls, what's your experience?

45 comments:

Dr Zibbs said...

That's the truth

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~Deb said...

I personally think it's a matter of "possibilities". Maybe she thinks it's possible you two can rekindle. You said "ex", so I'm assuming that you two had a relationship...not just a fling. Women have more of an emotional connection, so the sex is totally a bonus, but women have more of an underlying "fondness" - even if it's just sex. Men are different species, love them, but they're just different.

I say she wants to see where it can go, even if you're in a new relationship. You liked her once, so why not still? Or again?

Hrmm.

We're so messed up, right? (hehe)
I'll just speak for myself, thanks.

Mind of MadMan said...

IF the guy has any game yep they sure can.
I screwed ex1 well into her 2nd marriage (over a year) I broke it off. And I could name several others with the same model.
But you have to have satisfied that person VERY WELL because if the person that is now attempting to toggle and tongue and do not do it properly, you win the prize, again, and with much LESS restrictions.

Tiggerlane said...

OMG...now, you have me thinking that I'm a guy.

Dude.

Burfica said...

My experience has not been that they think they can have you at any time. But that they think they have ruined you for anyone else. And whoever else you find will be much more of a "loser" than they were.

I can tell you, I have never traded down. I've always traded up.

I really would love to see some of my ex's now and rub it in their face of who I ended up with.

Bond said...

See, I never really did that...when the relationship ended..I moved on...For many many years it was the thrill of the hunt...so if the relationship ended, another hunt could begin.

Queen-Size funny bone said...

I think Men think they can always revisit because its easy to go back to what is familiar and some women just let them.

Jormengrund said...

Tell you what RLL:

Let me hang around your place for a week or two, and if it works, then you'll know for sure, now won't ya? *wink*

Seriously:

I don't know if it's true or not, because most of this depends on the personality of the person doing it.

True, "most" guys are looking for the quick and easy way to get into someone's pants, and they figure that if they've been able to get in there before, there's gotta be a way to get back in again.

However, there are those who are starved for affection as well, and are just there to be noticed.

Now these both are unhealthy reactions, but the really sad one is the second one, because it usually develops into something bad very quickly.

Mainly this is because the person initiating the action looks for the attention regardless of the outcome.

A negative reaction is still a reaction, and it gives attention. Thus, the need is fed, and the habit continues.

My suggestion is to try to cut off all potential for this, and let the separation wounds heal.

Of course, that's just my take!

Knight said...

I'm like a guy. I feel like I mark my territory too.

Scarlet said...

I've never had guys linger like that...probably because they're afraid I'm going to kick their *sses if they try anything.

There's a REASON they're EX-boyfriends.

Another thing, why not try something new where there's a better potential for sex (if that's all they're after)?

I don't get it.

Jay said...

I'm sure there are lots of guys like that. But, if somebody tells me to get lost I do.

SkylersDad said...

Just as a purely scientific test, you should let me "have you" once, just to see if I hang around.

You know, for the science...

RockDog said...

Word! I agree with the others...once you've tapped that ass...and if it was good...the door to tap again always seems to be open. :D

Gary Rith Pottery Blog said...

holy cats, what kind of a guy am I?????? I don't give a sh!t about any exes at all!!!

rantingdiva said...

My past long time lover never goes away. He's always lurking about. Sending emails, shooting a txt, running into me at the store....

He figures eventually I'll cave.

King of New York Hacks said...

True on both sides period. The King has spoken. I am curious of who is more successful though?

Dana said...

I just piss them off to a point where they run far, far away! Problem solved!

Dawg said...

They don't even have to be ex's to think this way .. I have women stalking me who I had a one night fling with ..

Bee said...

Yeah, I've had guys try but if they screw me over once, they're gone with no take backs! ;o)

CRUSTYBEEF said...

PERFECT!
Btw, I wish I had that woman's body--wow! beautiful!
Anyhow, yes, a perfect and absolutely correct blog post RLL!
It's so true!

E~

Sabrae said...

Never had that problem with women!! hmmm but with men YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG they think that once they have had you in the sack then they can always have you in the sack day or night!!! Its fun trying to tell those half wits that they are a thing of the past!!! Even my soon to be ex hubby thinks that way!!! NOT

Sabrae said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
we're doomed said...

YES!!!

Micky-T said...

Taking me too long to figure out how to say what I think.
I think......not.
The hunt was more important.

Monogram Queen said...

I don't have any experience with women but I know it's true with guys. I've had guys call me AFTER I WAS MARRIED.

g-man said...

It mostly depends on the guy. I think that we are all horn dogs, but to the degree we pursue it is relative.

I'll just be standing over here in case you want to do me ;)

~Jobthingy~ said...

SO true. every time i am single my ex, speedys dad, starts hanging around like i am going to like him for that 5 seconds it takes to say im horny and get our sex on.. um.. no *gags*

Ashleigh said...

If you let it happen, it happens.

If you don't, it doesn't.

It takes two to tango!

:)

Grant said...

Anyone who makes the statement "All guys are the same" is guilty of narrow-minded bigotry and can't deal with people on an individual basis. I've been a guy my whole life and this is the first time I've ever heard of that concept. Besides, I prefer to mark my territory like a wolf.

Akelamalu said...

I had guys that thought they could just step back in time, but I wouldn't say all men are the same. Don't know about girls though.

CheekyMonkey said...

Yeah. THat's how the "friends with benefits" comes about with the exes. It isn't right and never works out, but it's true. It's like we've been peed on, and not in a gross "golden shower" sort of way. Marking their territory. Been there,done that, and can do it again if I want.

claudia said...

all i can say is that i am straight and i totally wanna do the girl in the picture?

does that make me a bad person?

claudia said...

on a more serious note i honestly believe that people are people - and we are territorial. and i think i suffer from exactly what you explained in this post... to some degree. it's a matter of feeling if youu have sexual power and i don't equate this to a male/female thing - i think it is anyone who sees themselves in this regard. so maybe one might rightly argue that men see themselves this way more than women - but not in my little universe. of course, i lead a very insulated life. thank god...

Lauren said...

It depends on the person. Generalizing all guys is like generalizing another group. Ya know?

I'm just sayin...

Ginni said...

In my experience,guys like to keep all their "exes" in the wings, waiting for them in case they need a quickie! Or in case they break up with their present-time woman...heaven forbid they have to be celibate for a few minutes!!

Sorry guys, I love you but you know it's true!

Chasity said...

My take on one half of this coin is that, stereotypically speaking now, the vast majority of lesbians find the kindness in their hearts to "stay friends" with ex's... even after very nasty break-ups.

To some this may be misleading. I could see that.

However, my ex of nearly 4 years (from a 5+yr relationship) is simply my best friend. We work so much better this way. Things just got too mucked up for us to be "together" and the breakup was BAD. After a few months apart, we were able to find the deep friendship we never realized we had missed out on. Neither one of us has even so much as hinted at booty-callin eachother between relationships.

Just after I lost my late girlfriend, she was at the end of her rope with an abuseive addict of a girlfriend. We were able to help eachother through some really really DARK times.

Tova Darling said...

Yeah, in my experience, that's true. I'd been broken up with my high school boyfriend for 5 years and I was dating the guy who is now my husband, and my ex started making comments like "I could have you if I wanted you back." Gross!

Karen said...

Oh no. I think I am that way too. Seriously.

Lu' said...

From a gal to a guy, it worked for me. I stayed around and he came back. Not together any longer and that is a good thing.

Beth said...

the responses from the guys are cracking me up!!!

I think it's true....once a guy "has" you, he thinks he owns you and can have you anytime he wants....at least the guys I've been with!!! and they don't like it when another guy comes around.....cuz you are HIS!!!

My Castle in Spain said...

so it seems everybody shares more or less the same experience...

i stopped being friend with my exes for precisely this reason !

dguzman said...

I've never known that to be true, but then when my relationships end, they fucking END. Whether by my hand or the ex's. I've never believed that second chances work, anyway--too much baggage and shit.

prissynotgirly said...

lordy!!! i've got list of them!! men and women!!

i am nacho girlfen any mo!!! damnit!!

A Cuban In London said...

True, especially of Scorpios. Trust me, I am one (both bloke and Scorpio).

Greetings from London.