Wednesday, February 13, 2008

I Want You Beside Me


Last night, I was at my parent's house shooting the breeze and keeping an eye on my Daddy who had taken a tumble onto his head yesterday. He refuses to go to the doctor. Stubborn assed old man.

Anyway, we were cutting up and joking about his demise in a typical Southern style. My mother blurts out that this will be the perfect time to "check on the plots." She wants to go to the cemetery where she bought our family four plots when I was a baby to make sure that they didn't bury my Dad's parents in our section. She thinks that they did.

She doesn't want to be beside my grandfather for all of eternity. Never you mind that she'll be dead. It's as if there's some grand dinner party after death and she'll be stuck by people that she doesn't want to chat with.

Me: "What do you want them to do if they did bury them in the wrong place, dig them up?"

Her: "Maybe. I don't want to be beside him."

He pissed her off when I was a baby by saying that my father was acting a fool over me. And why wouldn't he? I was adorable with big, blue eyes and dimples! Apparently, he wasn't impressed.

Forty two years later, she's still mad about it. I'm betting she'll be digging his ass up and moving him! Do not piss off a mother.



Geek Alert:
Matt-man just told me that he is getting a Delivery Failure Notification email that goes back to my email address. He's assuming it is being generated by my blog response process.

Anybody else having this problem? Know how to fix it?

32 comments:

Jen said...

"Forty two years later, she's still mad about it. I'm betting she'll be digging his ass up and moving him! Do not piss off a mother."

. .. THAT is fantastic! You have a great mom.

Leighann said...

I'm going to have to side with you mom on this one! LOL

Doc said...

Dig them up an move them.... To where? Better ask them who there "top 3" choices of being buried next to are.... LOL!

~Deb said...

I never understood why people fussed over where they wanted to be re: plots, etc.

Baffles me.

Hope your dad's head is ok!!!

Real Live Lesbian said...

Jen: Ain't she though!

Leighann: Bring your shovel!

Doc: To THEIR plot at the cemetery. Looks like they buried them on the wrong plot. So, now there are two plots and two plots instead of four together. How will she be between me and my dad this way?

Deb: Me either. I mean, we're dead, right? Thanks for the well wishes!

mackeydoodle said...

I'm sorry but I had to laugh. That is one hell of a grudge:)
I understand though....my MIL hated when I fussed over my kids as babies. I think the old cow was just jealous.

Seamus said...

I can just see THAT exhumation order!!!! ;)

Hot Lemon said...

I'm hoping that my graveyard will resemble the one in the Haunted Mansion ride at Disney. I wanna be the one holding up the bright blue or pink drink.

Dana said...

I've never quite understood the whole bury-me-in-a-pine-box-and-take-up-valuable-real-estate concept to begin with. Cremation and redistribution solves all of those concerns!

Did you get your temperment from your mom, or your dad??

Jay said...

I don't want to be buried next to somebody I can't stand either. In fact, I don't want to be buried. I want to be cremated and have my asses made into a body sponge used in the shower by Natalie Portman.

Real Live Lesbian said...

Mackey: Laugh away..it was just too funny not to share.

Seamus: I know, "Could you move him? I don't like him well enough to spend eternity by his side."

Hot Lemon: Too funny!

Dana: My Dad. Definitely, my Dad.

Jay: Oooh..now I want to be made into the suds!

The Mama Bear said...

Another reason I am going for cremation....no one to piss off when I am dead.
Hope your pa's noggin is fine.

Blissfully Wed said...

Wow. I used to have no opinion about what's done with my body when I die. But Jay makes a good point.

Scarlett Johannson would be a nice thought as well. ;)

katy said...

ouch your poor daddy, hope he is ok now.
a fall out that lasted how long?! I understand her I really do.
I will be cremated, but don't want to be put in a coffin, just in case I am not dead LOL burn me but don't suffercate me! strange me aren't I!

Spiky Zora Jones said...

ha...I like your mom. She is so feisty. I don't blame her...you were a beauty of a babe and fathers have that right.

this is why I like your mother. I once walked by my uncle as he sat on the couch and hit him on his head with my knuckles.

He said...OW! why did you do that?

Payback!

Twelve years earlier at the 4th of July family bar-b-q, he hit my noggin with his knuckles hard. I was 8 years old and he was eighteen. I told him then...I would get him back. Ha!

motherx said...

You sound like you have a fantastic mum.

Emmeline said...

Hey - I have seen you around the blogosphere, as I know we have several mutual "bloggie friends," but I've never taken the time to drag my cyber ass over here to check out your site. And now that I have . . . I have to say, I'm intrigued.

I've read your 2 most recent posts as well as the one about your coming out. I will be back later for sure (when I'm not at work!) to read more.

I loved your little tale here. Aren't mothers (and grandmothers, for that matter) so grandly ridiculous?!

Em

Hammer said...

That would be horrible to be parked next to someone who hate for all eternity. ;)

Raven said...

My hubby and I were talking one day about arrangements...he said he wasn't sure if he wanted to be cremated or not. I told him he did...he looks at me and says no, I'm not sure. I looked back and said, you are 17 years older than me...who do you think is going to go first? You are being cremated. He took that in stride.
My grandparent bought plots for them, their kids and spouses. They have a contest going, who dies last get's the plot by the tree.

Alli said...

OMG! That was hysterical!

Jahooni said...

People still want to be buried?
And then dug up?

Why not just splatter your ashes here and there and then you can be moved with the breezes...

j/k.

tt said...

My Dad is obsessed with their plot too. Why is that? He keeps wanting to go see it...as if it's moved or something. Fortunately his dementia keeps the subject coming up but we never quite get around to checking on it. I don't want to check on it. I'll be visiting it soon enough. Weird.

No More Empty Fortune Cookies said...

wow! now thats funny. but then, i guess if i really hated someone, i wouldn't want to spend eternity next to them either. good luck with it all!

TheBirdman33 said...

Wow your mother is hard core lol

I think you are adorable too though, so I can sympathize.

buffalodickdy said...

I've always believed when you ain't here no more, your spirit sure as hell ain't laying there...

Matt-Man said...

Hey, eternity is a long time, be careful who you spend it with. Cheers!!

Diva said...

Moms is right.
BUT
I'd not move him.
I'd spend eternity haunting him.

I'd lay there and put boogers in his food when he wasn't looking and fart real loud and stinky.

Diva said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
captain corky said...

Remind me to never piss off the following people: your mother, my mother, my wife, my mother in-law, and... God. I think that should cover it.

PS I mean again, with the exception of your mother and maybe my mother in-law. ;)

Anndi said...

I want to be cremated and have my asses made into a body sponge used in the shower by Natalie Portman

Bwahahahahahahahaha.. oh to be Freudian!

I'm siding with your mother over you grandfather on this... cause she's still alive and could kick my ass. ;)

Hope your Dad's ok!

Aunt Jackie said...

How old is your Dad?? This is odd as that's exactly what happened to MY DAD to land him in the hospital a couple of weeks ago.

He manipulated my Mom until she agreed to take him out in the pouring rain to Huddle House for breakfast (wouldn't let it rest), and then kaplowee he ended up in the ER before he could even have his breakfast.

His head bonk was a little more severe I guess, but given the chance he'd skip going to the doctor or hospital anyway. Why are they so stubborn?

cats in the window said...

watch out for those subdural hematomas...they will kill ya
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Subdural_hematoma.