It's not that one thing that someone said THAT day. It's not one thing. I can't speak for everyone, but I can speak for me. For 25 years, I lived a lie. Not a big lie. But a thousand little lies.
Friday, October 8, 2010
At 16, "Do you have a boyfriend?" "No." It lead them to think that something was wrong with me, because I didn't date.
I lied about my sexuality, which lead me to lie about where I was going and with whom. I lied and lied and lied and lied. I lied about where I went on vacation. I lied about who I lived with. I lied about who I loved.
Then there are the people who are mean in this world. I can't blame them. Some people are entertained by fat kids or people who are different. Some people are just mean to be mean. I don't blame them, just because I don't have a thick skin. Maybe they thought they were helping to develop my tolerance for mean people that I would encounter when I grew up.
It didn't work. Even today, I don't tolerate mean people. My friends joke that I'm intolerant of intolerance. I don't like mean girls. I don't like people who are entertained at the expense of others. And I don't let them in my life anymore. That took a long time. It's too easy for some of us to be nice and just lie down like a doormat over and over and over.
"Grow some balls." No, I won't. Because then I'm not me anymore. I am sensitive and I'd rather be that way than ballsy and mean.
I've heard of too many people lately that have taken their lives. It's a shame. I wish I could show them what's around the next corner. There are many wonderful people in this world who will love you JUST THE WAY YOU ARE. You just have to live long enough to find them all.
I don't lie anymore. My family knows that I love My Love. My work peeps know her and love her. My uncle FaceTimes her. My mother ADORES her and calls her "my second daughter." She'll hug and kiss her every time she sees her, which is almost daily.
If you see someone in a lie, don't out them. Don't be mean. Don't gossip.
Love them. Love them the way they are right now. Tell them that you love the real them, not the lie them. Love is the only thing in this world that matters one little bit.