Sunday, October 24, 2010

My Funeral

And here you have it. I'm not dying and I don't plan on skipping out anytime soon. BUT, please when you bury me and do the whole "let's look at her dead and say how great she looks," just don't.


I hate funerals. HATE them.

Tell stories about me. Laugh. No black. Sorry, I know how much some of you love black...it is slimming, but no. You can't wear it to my funeral.

If you didn't bother to call me or stop by during the last year of my life, don't show up at my damn funeral. I wouldn't have done it to you, which is why I don't go to that many. Don't come for my family if you didn't know me. Take them to dinner or out shopping in the months after I'm gone when they're sad.

I'd like some party balloons, no funeral homes. Purple and lime green? Red and cream? Pink and orange? Lots of flowers and yeah, they'll be gone in a week but at that moment, they'll be beautiful!

I don't care if you bury me, cremate me, or float me out on a flaming viking boat and serve shots. I'm dead. I promise, I won't care.

What I do want you to do is remember me and enjoy those memories while you're gathered together with my friends. Oh, and turn on that Ghost Radar app on my ipod. I'm definitely going to say hello from the other side!

11 comments:

Evil Twin's Wife said...

I like the way you think! All I've requested so far is that if I have a memorial service, I would like to have the Rosary said and also, play AC/DCs "Have a Drink on Me" later on.

Lynette said...

Your right, we are not here anymore than. But let's have a party...I would have partied in life, so let's party in death too. I have asked my CG to cremate me and use the ashes to plant a tree, prefer a fruit bearing mulberry tree. My Dear wants the same, so one day her kiddos will have their grandparnets tree.

Charlene said...

I bought a life insurance policy to pay for my funeral. It's a big one. The person running the funeral is a very close friend of mine, so I've told him no open casket and I want an open bar with limos to take my friends home safe. If I could make it an orgy, I would, but everyone is getting old and that might not work!

My expressions LIVE said...

Enjoyed your post...been thinking about blogging my obituary...but I think I may do like you...blog about how I would like my funeral to be...and that all depends on how I die...work or at play. Should be an interesting blog. Thanks for your post.

Georgina Dollface said...

I agree with you on all of these points! And I had never even thought of the flaming viking boat - I must contact my lawyer on Monday and update my will. - G

crystal said...

I love this post!! I have told many people that my funeral will not be dreary, traditional, or at all black!! I am going to put in my will that people will not be allowed in if they are not wearing purple :)

SkylersDad said...

My mom died slowly, and finally about 10 years ago from smoking. She was in home hospice for the last 2 years of her life and my sister and I had to sit at the kitchen table and plan her funeral with her. That sucked, and my sister and I both have the same sick sense of humor, so we recommended Viking funeral.

J.J. in L.A. said...

My memorial service (no funeral, please) is going to be fun! No one wearing black (I hate it), no one crying (unless they're telling a funny story, no open casket (I enjoy the heat, so cremate me), and no church (I didn't go while I alive so I certainly don't want to go after I'm gone). And cupcakes! There'd BETTER be cupcakes! (in case I decide to come back to see who showed up).

Bina said...

I like the idea of the Viking boat. I damn sure do NOT want anyone feeling like they have to go to the graveyard to visit me.

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

Can I bring the music?

Vodka Mom said...

and I want a bottle of vodka on the table - everyone has to down a shot before they tell me a funny story. Cause I'll be there listening.