Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Douchebag

One of my love's old friends (also ex-boyfriend) came up to spend the weekend with us. He seemed okay when I'd met him a few times down in Georgia. When he arrived, I realized that I'd been mistaken. All he wanted to talk about was his weenie and politics.

This Douchebag:

Showed us his lack of tan line on his bootie and incessantly talked of lying out naked.
Peed in my back yard by turning his back, instead of going into the house. Three times.
Spoke of wanting a penis enlargement, so that it would hang down to his knee.
Started an argument with one of my best friends about politics.
Said the N word in the car on the way to dinner.
Came out to have coffee with me on the sunset porch in just a t-shirt and a thong.


Two of my favorite definitions from Urban Dictionary:


A person with a shitty personality that needs to "take themself the fuck down" or "go home and get their fucking shine box." A douchebag usually assumes the form of a hair-gelling pretty-boy but can also be described as an overzealous, pompous, or vexatious asshole that most people wish were killed with a Mortal Kombat fatality.

and....

An individual who has an over-inflated sense of self worth, compounded by a low level of intellegence, behaving ridiculously in front of colleagues with no sense of how moronic he appears.



Have a little fun with the douchebags in your life:


Douchebag Name Generator




27 comments:

King of New York Hacks said...

Love the urban dictionary, i think i hear a new one from the backseat of my cab at least once week...and sometimes I'll mix them together to throw off the NYU kids when they're drunk....gives them that confused "douchebag" look ! LMAO

Slyde said...

he knows you're gay, right?

SkylersDad said...

OK, I went to all the trouble of answering the questions in the generator for that!?!?

You owe me, you know that? ;^)

Real Live Lesbian said...

Oh yes, he knows we're together.

Douchebag. I just had to say it again!

cozzie laura said...

overcompensate much, douchebag?? he didn't offer to arm wrassle any of you over dinner?

Gary Rith Pottery Blog said...

...dude in a thong????

Jay said...

LOL! What a jerk. I think that would be the last time I invited him to my house.

Bond said...

Any guy that talks about his penis so much is normally very inadequate in size or performance...

Nuff said...

Queen-Size funny bone said...

Typical male dangling his worm trying to catch a fish.

Jude said...

I think I would have sprayed my coffee out of my mouth and all over the porch....eeegags!

meno said...

Shoulda taken his picture in the thong and then we could all poke fun at him.

Douchebag!

Laura said...

Wow, add a few more not so kind comments and Id SWEAR my ex brother-in-law was visiting you!!!!!

Gina said...

Just...ew. He sounds awful. One of my husband's cousins is a TOTAL douchebag...completely different than this guy, but douchebag nonetheless.

Dragon said...

OK, that all sounds horriable and makes me think he needs to catch the first bus back home but the coming out in a THONG, yeah that just tops it all. EEEEWWWW

Beth said...

Gawd.....I wish I ahd known how close I am to you in TN!!!! I went to the Opryland Hotel today and Bina said, "Ya, Real Live Lesbian lives maybe 15 minutes from here."

I screamed, "WHY ARE WE NOT MEETING HER????!!!!"


so many missed opportunities.....

and what a douche that guy was/is!

vixen kitten said...

I have to ask...how many margaritas were consumed before this invite was issued?

Just wondering.... :)


xoxo
~vk~

Scarlet said...

Wow! What a piece of work! He needs to get a life.

Cloudia said...

Yikes!! ;-)

Aloha-

Comfort Spiral

Evil Twin's Wife said...

Something tells me he will not be receiving any other invites to your house! What an asshat!

Spiky Zora Jones said...

sounds like my g/f's brother after he's had a few too many drinks.

make a note to self...that was the last invite. :)

rage said...

RLL, the definition of douchebag was awesome! I would've guessed that fell between asshole and fucker.

This is good stuff!

Aria said...

OMFG! That's where my hubby was this weekend... thanks for letting me know ;-) Don't ask... I still don't know how I got here.

Lu' said...

Ick no wonder she turned gay, just kidding. Did he also suit up in a speedo to go swimming or just wear the thong? *shudders at the thought*

we're doomed said...

How about "human garbage", RLL.

nitebyrd said...

Your love's taste definitely has changed for the better. I'm thinkin' he won't be visiting again. Ever.

(Love Urban Dictionary!)

Lynette said...

umm why did he visit again
ummmmmmmm dont invite again either

Love, Evolution, and Resilience said...

BWAHHHHHAAAAHHAAAA. Ok, I can't imagine how 'not fun' this really was for you... but seriously, the blog is freakin' hilarious!
Douchebag, douchebag, douchebag... I'm just going to keep saying that word!