Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Oh To Be A Fashionista!


Another guest post by Dana


I am many things - fashion forward is not one of them.

I own seven pairs of shoes - 2 pair of flats, same style, one pair black and one pair brown - 2 pair of dress boots, same style, one pair black and one pair brown - 2 pair of Teva sandals, same style, and yes, one pair black and one pair brown - and a single pair of sneakers.

I do not own a purse (I carry a wallet) and I wear the same earrings and bracelet every single day.

Yes ... seriously ...

So when I came across TLC's article titled 10 Trends We Wish Would Die Already, I expected to see my entire wardrobe depicted. Instead, I discovered I'm not even trendy enough to be a fashion faux pas!

I know ... I know ... y'all are curious as to which ones you are guilty of, aren't you? Well, I am here to serve your needs.

Coming in at #10 - Crocs

Ha! I am proud to say that I have NEVER worn a glob of molded plastic on these size 11's. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that the only time it is acceptable to wear Crocs is if,

(1) You are under the age of 4 and cannot yet tie shoes. Once you've mastered that skill, Crocs should be off limits.
(2) You are a gardener who uses them for their original purpose.
(3) You live in a dorm with community showers and can't stomach the idea of putting your feet on the same tile where the bacteria live.

#9 - Cutout Dresses

I'm sorry, but this looks like a circus costume, even on Fergie!

#8 - Leggings as Pants

They are leggings people! Unless you are headed to the gym or dance class - or finished off a fifth of tequila and cannot find your pants - they need to stay in that bottom drawer with your jammies!

#7 - Rompers

Or as I like to call them, onesies for grown ups. Fortunately, I am 6' tall and unless I want a perma-camel-toe, I'll never find a romper I can wear. In fact, even back in the 70's when I was 10 and they were actually in fashion, I could never find one that fit. Who knew that was actually a good thing?

#6 - Layered Statement Jewelry

*Fashion Tip* Just because one or two are pretty together doesn't mean seventeen of them are drop-dead gorgeous! I'm thinking that much bling makes a woman walk like she has advanced osteoporosis.

#5 - Distressed Designer Denim

Really? People are willing to pay hundreds of dollars for a pair of jeans that look like Goodwill rejects? I'd be afraid that if I washed these I'd end up with designer dust rags!

#4 - High Heels and Socks

OK people, unless your significant other has a sexual fantasy surrounding Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz, and you've decided to give in JUST.THIS.ONCE, socks have absolutely no business paired with heels. NONE!

#3 - Dressed-up Sweatpants

No, carrying a black purse and wearing heels does not magically make this a fashionable look. Any item of clothing that has the word "sweat" in it's description is not made for a night out on the town.

#2 - Super High Heels

These shoes should only be worn by someone who has a pole near by to help them with the precarious balancing act required to stand in these, let alone actually walk. Fortunately strippers don't spend much time on their feet.

Finishing up the list at #1 - High-waist Pants and Shorts

Damn! I knew there was a reason I should have kept my marching band uniform from high school. I could have been trendy if I wore it today!

So, which of you have committed at least one of these fashion crimes?? Come on, I know at least one of you readers is going to be a Croc defender ...



Doc said...

Wow... I think most of those are very attractive.... Of course I want the huge Bug-eyed sunglasses to go away.

Karen said...

I have romper beach cover up. It is cute and I love it. Maybe not for dinner parties, but for cruising the boardwalk, it works.

Oh Doc - I have at 6 (way too expensive) pairs of those huge "bug-eyed" sunglasses, so I hope that trend stays around for a long, long time.

Dana - How can you not carry a purse? I pretty much carry a suitcase with me everyday. But seriously, don't you NEED things while in public? Chapstick, tampons, a pen, your cell phone, etc. Additionally I always have a bottle of water, the book I am currently reading, hand lotion, advil, scrap paper, etc. I couldn't survive without a purse.

Dana said...

Doc, I think most of those WOMEN are attractive and could wear the Goodyear blimp and look fabulous! The "fashions? Not-so-much.

Karen, well ... see ... I'm not really a girl :) Actually, my wallet holds most everything I need (including an emergency tampon), I put on minimal make-up in the morning and don't worry about it the rest of the day, and most everything I own has pockets for my cell phone and my keys.

Besides, there is usually a "real" girl near by with a purse full of anything else I might need ;-)

Gina said...

Never done any of these, and never will. That's not to say I am a fashionista, though, considering my sweats are my favorite article of clothing. I just don't dress them up.

nitebyrd said...

Jeez! I had no clue that any of that stuff was fashionable at one time! Didn't high-waist pants go out in the '80's? When did they come back? ;)

Jay said...

I'm gonna have to say that I'm okay with the cutout dress thing.

I am one of the great fashion disasters of all time though. So what do I know.

Dana said...

Gina, no heels and a black clutch to go with those sweats, huh??

nitebyrd, of all of the fashion eras to come back, the 80's should really be banned. Seriously. There was nothing good.

Jay, if you are OK with the cutout dress, then you must like more skin!

SkylersDad said...

I am probably the only guy around who doesn't like high heels. I don't find them attractive at all.

If I could get away with it, I would never change out of my shorts.

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

Wow Skylersdad..I am a woman's shoe fanatic...Not wearing admiring...and heels always do it for me, no matter how tall the woman is..

As far as heels and socks...well if they come with a tiny schoolgirl uniform and pigtails..then oooo baby!

Dana said...

SkylersDad, I think I love you!

Vinny "Bond" Marini, am I feeling a slight foot/shoe fetish lean to this comment??

Anonymous said...

無一事而不學,無一時而不學,無一處而不學。 ..................................................

Melissa said...

Well, I think rompers are really cute, but they are a pain in the a** when you have to pee! As for high waist pants, the ones in the picture.......no! They come all the way up to her breasts, and look ridiculous, but I've seen jeans that set at the natural waist line, that looked very cute, and they are far more forgiving than low slung hip huggers, if you have anything more than the flattest tummy. Way too many muffin tops, spilling out over low slung jeans these days.

Melissa XX

Jeff B said...

DAMN!!! There are some seriously screwed up looks in those pictures.

J.J. said...

I can honestly say that I have never committed any of these offenses. Mostly because I couldn't pull them off even if they WERE in style, but it still counts.

Maggie said...

Your comment about #4 made me giggle. I'm with you, I never even attempt to be fashionable enough to make a faux pas!

Oh and Crocs must go. MUST. GO.

Charlene said...

I have a friend who owns about 20 pair of crocks. She wears a color to match her slacks and shirt. It looks very pulled together. I do not own a single pair of crocks.

I do own leggins that I've worn so much there's a hole in them away from the seams. I don't wear them outside the house though.

Anonymous said...

My name is Eternally Distracted and I am a croc-o-holic. I know, I know, I know... I just can't help it. I've tried to stop, I know they look stupid, but, but, but... I love them!

Another Suburban Mom said...

I actually own a romper. I've had it for 15 years. Its very comfy and I wear it as a bathrobe on hot mornings after shower, before I dress. I do not however, wear it out of the house.

James said...

Must admit I like to see #8 leggings. They are big over here most women wear leggings or tights. I hate to see bare legs.

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