Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Lola's Diner: Guest Post by a REAL Lesbian!

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Welcome to Lola's Diner!

Actually I’m a real lesbian every day…that is from the time I figured it out later in life. Once I did figure it out, I called the only lesbian I knew, my exhb’s best friend. She told me she knew already, and was actually awaiting my call at some point. (Later my exhb told me that when I first met this friend that she took him aside and asked him why he was marrying a lesbian.) I called her to ask her how to meet women, where the lesbian bars were and so on. I did begin going to the lesbian bars, but I’m not the type to walk up cold to a woman. I’m shy like that.

My first forays into the lesbian dating world were online. And they pretty much continued to be until I got into relationships. I started out in the chat rooms. Mostly msn and aol’s lesbian chats. I met several women through them. I also posted profiles on planetout.com and match.com. My first date with a woman was "S" who, like me, was in the process of a divorce. That first date sealed it for me. She picked me up and we went out to dinner, then drove me back to my house and gave me a good night kiss. That kiss confirmed for me that I was in fact a lesbian. Suddenly everything seemed…"right". We dated for awhile, but things went nowhere.

A lot of my other dates were coffee dates and led nowhere. I have quite a few dating horror stories. A few months into my lesbian dating life I met "P" on planetout. We instant messaged and I persuaded her into a date that same Sunday night. I drove out to the suburbs, picked her up and took her to a local pizza joint. The entire date she talked about her ex. She peppered her conversation with "just so you know, nothing’s going to happen tonight". Mkai. I think I could guess that from all the ex talk, but I wasn’t going to cut out in the middle of dinner. On the car ride back, same thing…talk of her ex and "just so you know, nothing’s going to happen tonight". I drove her back to her place and she started making out with me in my car. Again, every once in awhile, stopping the lip lock to say "just so you know, nothing’s going to happen tonight". At some point she grabbed my right hand and shoved it down the front of her pants. I think you can guess what transpired next. Afterward she told me that she wasn’t going to reciprocate, but she continued to make out with me! This went on for quite awhile, to the point that I was thinking I just needed to get her out of my car because I needed to get home because I had to go to work the next day. At one point I got out and opened her door, she got out and proceeded to push me onto the back of my trunk, carrying the make out session further, but…not yet to the point of reciprocating. This went on for what seemed like forever until I finally managed to get back into my car and locked the doors and waved good-bye. My mind was reeling…my first ½ way lesbian experience! I got lost for almost 2 hours on the way home. And did I mention that she stuck me with the dinner tab claming that she would send me a check for her share? Needless to say the check never arrived.

Another horror story was a woman from Canada. We chatted for weeks online and she decided to fly down for a visit. I greeted her at the airport with a dozen roses. She had a stuffed animal for me. But that wasn’t all…she had this look of complete utter contempt on her face. Apparently my appearance did not meet her specifications, even though we had exchanged photos. (This from a woman who looked like a punk rocker with black lipstick and nail polish. Not that I judged her for that. It was her demeanor and behavior that I judged her for.) She made it clear with her actions, words and lack therof, that she was not pleased. Being the polite Chicagoan that I am, I offered to make the best of it and show her the city. I took her to Navy Pier. The entire drive from Midway Airport to Navy Pier she did not say a word! Just disgusted sighs. (I’m not an ogre by the way, I’m dating a young hottie right now.) We got to Navy Pier, we were there maybe 10 minutes and she was on her cell phone trying to get a flight back right away. She wanted to take a cab back to the airport, but I chivalrously offered to drive her back. Again, the entire ride there, not a word, just disgusted sighs. When we got to the airport she grabbed the stuffed animal she gave me and threw the roses I gave her back into my car. Honestly, I’ve never met a more rude person in my life. It’s ok if you’re not physically attracted to someone, just be polite and make the best of it. I’ve had my share of dates where I wasn’t attracted to the person, but we still had polite conversation and never cut the date short.

Valentines Day that same year I had a date with a woman who brought along a straight friend. A wing girl, if you will. I thought it was odd, but decided to make the best of it. We went to a well known Italian restaurant in Chicago. My date told me that I reminded her of her ex, who she apparently was not ‘over’ yet. How did I know this? Every time I tried to start a conversation, she brought it up and started to cry. She cried through nearly the entire dinner! After dinner, my date and her straight friend insisted I take them to the lesbian club down the street. I kept thinking this couldn’t possibly end well, but I guess I was too nice to decline. We went to the club…and still more crying. When I couldn’t deal with it any longer, I told them I had a headache and walked home. It was a considerable distance, but it was certainly better than having to be subjected to any more crying or references to how I reminded her of her ex.

I’ve also had my share of dates that ended well and ended up being relationships. Some of them ended oddly, others ended badly. (Do any relationships really ever end well?) One woman from Michigan wanted me to leave my kids to move to Michigan to be with her. She was my ‘first’. (Who would leave their children for anyone?) The second woman, "C", I met from Michigan ended up moving in with me. I had the occasion to talk to an ex of hers. She warned me that "C" had a pattern. After 6 months she’d move out of the bedroom and eventually leave. Darned if she wasn’t exactly right! Another was a woman who I had seen for several months who just suddenly dropped off the face of the earth. No phone calls or emails returned. Several months later she emailed me to say she was moving back to Florida, did I want to see her one last time for ‘old times sake’. Needless to say, I declined. Then there was my longest relationship with a woman, almost six years. I discovered in February she had been cheating on me for at least 6 months, if not longer. I found out she’d been lying to me about her whereabouts. Turned out when I called her out on the lies she admitted she was with another woman. Not being one to bury myself in self pity, I got back on the horse and started dating again. I’m currently very happy and we are planning a long weekend getaway.

12 comments:

Charlene said...

Thanks for sharing that! I had no idea women were assholes too. Now, I suspected it but I never knew it!

I'm glad you're in a good place now.

Laura said...

ahhhh, horror stories - we all seem to have them. Thanks for sharing yours.

I hope things work out for you and you find happiness!

Dana said...

What?? You mean all of the lesbian stories are true?? Imagine that ... *giggle*

Raquel's World said...

Woah- i am recently single and decided that I wanna start dating again but after reading this, although I could add several stories of my own, I think I'll wait a bit.

Jay said...

Those were great! I love bad date stories. LOL

Thanks for sharing. ;-)

SkylersDad said...

It is refreshing for me to hear that there are some jerks out there that are females also!

Slyde said...

bad date stories always make me feel better about my life :)

Indi said...

I've had some pretty awful dates too. It's a battle field out there aint it? Yes woman are ass holes too and then some.

Indi

xx

Nolens Volens said...

I like you already...too bad you don't bat for the other team. ;) I am glad that you persevered throughout all this.

nitebyrd said...

Gee, who knew women could be as idiotic as men? It's good to know that you've found someone who's making you happy!

Little T said...

Being the gay lover that I am I have lived with gay boys, lesbians and some questionably "straight" people. Lesbian drama is by far the WORST kind. It must be hormone over load. Here in St. Louis our big joke is that lesbians bring the Uhaul on the first date so consider yourself lucky to have gotten away from most of those crazy trains;-)

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