Monday, September 15, 2008

I Am Fat

I am fat because I eat too much.

I am fat because I don't exercise enough.

I am fat because I eat the wrong foods.

I am fat because I don't naturally move enough.

I am fat because I no longer have a thyroid gland.

I am fat because sometimes I like the way it feels.

I am fat because rarely does anyone hate me or make fun of me for it.

I am fat because it's hard work for me not to be.

I am fat because I don't try hard enough.

I am fat because sometimes I lie to myself and say it's okay.

I am fat because I'm afraid to be thin and attractive. I don't like the attention that I get from men.

I am fat because it proves to me that people like me for my personality.

I am fat because it proves to me that my lover loves me for my heart.

I am fat because I am not willing to do the work that it takes to be thin.

I am fat and that makes me an easy target. Both for you and for me.

45 comments:

Lu' said...

What the hell is going on in your day today Gal? Wow, I've said a lot but erased it, cause that is what I do. Can't share too much, but damn.

doggybloggy said...

ok.... but...well ok then..

~Jobthingy~ said...

i just want to hug you.. that is all :)

*hugs*

Knight said...

Being thin isn't going to change everything. Being happy with your life is all you really need. Just be healthy. Healthy isn't thin. Healthy is aware.

SkylersDad said...

The nice thing about knowing you from afar is that I have no preconceived notions about you being fat, thin, tall, short, whatever.

I got to know you a bit without looking at you, and I think you are beautiful just the way you are.

Fortune Cookies said...

Oh girl! You need some bloggy-love! *hugs* Stop calling yourself fat! I wanna see a new post about how beautiful and talented you are! Because guess what? YOU ARE!

wallycrawler said...

I disagree with Knight and seemingly the rest of your readers. Being thin is healthy. Being overweight isn't.

If you wanna die young your on the right track. Stay fat!

I'm not say'n your a bad person, or Knight for her statements, but that's the facts gal. If ya want someone to stroke ya and say it's normal, sorry they'll kill ya with kindness. They might just want to be nice, but in fact the same people are kill'n this nation with kindness and PC morals.

Stay fat die early, get thin live longer. It's your choice. You seem smart and talented. It's your decision!

I won't stroke ya!

Tina-cious.com said...

Ummm -- I think you went in my head and pulled out my thoughts.

Mind of MadMan said...

I'm fat because when I was addicted to crank, people thought I looked good....
And I'm afraid of cheating on my wife if I lose weight and finally, I'm so f'ing lazy that I do not care.

Gnightgirl said...

Very courageous post. I think that most anyone that's battled with their weight (most of us) can relate to the majority of what you wrote here, but don't have what it takes to face it.

Bravo, you.

As long as you know that you're beautiful, and smart, and funny, and worthwhile and that you touch our lives with your writing. You have lists for those, yes?

Mmwah!

Dana said...

Hmmmm ... you know I don't like to hear that, right? And you also know that the most poignant part of this post is that it is all true - harsh, but true,

Anaïs Satire said...

rll... I think the admission and the fault lying within yourself, for yourself - is the first thing that helps you overcome those things you don't like.

Listen not to no one but to yourself. Sometimes you have to think these thoughts, let them escape your brain and make progress.

At the end of the day, be the best that you can be for YOU. No ego stroking and no belittling. Be you.

Cap'n Ergo "Carthage" Jinglebollocks said...

you're having a ruff day, aintcha? I think yer beautiful, and so do a lot of other folken, too!! So there!!

Scarlet said...

Fat, chubby, thin...it's the real you people are attracted to...but then you already know that. Deep down you do.

Knight said...

In response to Wallycrawler who chose to be so blunt, obviously being thin is the choice anyone would make if it were that easty but spending every moment of your life worrying about it is unhealthy as well. My point was to be conscious of the situation and make good choices for yourself.

Knight said...

Uh... I guess easty is a new word.

gary rith said...

I saw a quote once, and it is like "a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle": "if there were no men, there would be a lot of fat and happy women."
Well anyway.....
and wow, madman up there is maybe a little scary....

Southern Sage said...

I never knew you were fat!

I am fat for many of the same reasons especially for the top ones.

but I am fat because I hate being fat less than I hate being hungry.

Akelamalu said...

You know what I discovered? No-one cares whether or not you're fat only you. I'd still like to be thinner though! :(

Lu' said...

How fat are we talkin here? Obvioulsy obese is unhealthy, who could argue that, I'm sure someone could but they would be wrong. Too thin is equally as unhealthy. Fixating on either, not healthy. Best bet, know your body and talk it over with your Doctor. Do what you can, eat responsibly, exercise and leave the rest to God.

Karen said...

Sometimes just being happy enough for a few days. You can work on the rest later.

Slyde said...

I think you just about covered everything that most of us say to ourselves at one point or another in our lives..

ive always had this philosophy on weight:

if you look in the mirror, and you are unhappy with your size, then you are fat.

If you look in the mirror, and love yourself and the way you look, then no matter what your weight, you're doing just fine...

theres nothing wrong with either view, either. It just means that in the first one, there is something about yourself that you want to change...

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Baby doll...I totally agree with Scarlet. Clever girl. She undestands that it's the heart that is important.

BTW...I think you're beautiful.

Ciao sweetie.

Rage Angel said...

I understand.

Brad said...

You are beautiful.

Brooke said...

I think it's how you are in the inside that enhances your outer beauty. I know that it sounds very cliche, but it's so true. BTW, Red lipstick looks great on you. :) Below is a letter written just for you:

"My daughter, I am more captivated by your beauty every day.
How pleased I am that I made you.
There is not a single thing I would change.
My precious daughter, do not be distressed when you feel unattractive;
When you look in the mirror.
When you wish for a different face
Or a different smile,
Or a different body,
Or a different laugh,
Or a different look.
Let me tell you the image that I see.
You are an ocean of beauty;
A sea of wonder and mystery
I know you don't see it, I do.
You are a treasure of my grace;
An utterly unique diamond of my delight
I know you don't see it, I do.
You are worth infinitely more to me than all that I possess.
I gave my very life to save you.
I know you don't understand it, you will.
My lovely daughter, it breaks my heart when you allow your blindness
Or the blindness of others define the image you see in the mirror.
Look on yourself today as I see you.
Accept my love, for you are lovely.
You are my treasure, my prize, my heart's desire.
And when you open your eyes one day,
After you have fallen asleep for the very last time,
I yearn for you to behold, with your awakening gaze, my face, filled with love.
It is my face, my daughter that I long for you to see for all eternity."
-God

Craze said...

Pretty powerful post. I know I haven't been reading long but I can come up with a pretty decent list of great things about you.

coffeypot said...

Thin may be in, but fats where its at. (Old SNL saying) More importantly, are you obese?

Micky-T said...

Ohhhh.......Hush!

Melanie said...

Don't diet, eat healthy.Don't tell yourself that you can't have something you really want. Be good about eating more days than you don't. Change the way you cook. Examples: I eat for breakfast scramble eggs 1 whole egg mixed with 2 egg whites. Don't deep fry, oven fry. Think of it like a smoker or drug addict, if they can do it so can I. Good Luck and don't give up.

Heidi the Hick said...

I think you're pretty.

Just the way ya are.

Matt-Man said...

Fat or thin people would still like you for your personality. Cheers!!

gary rith said...

Brad said it, and here's another straight guy checking in: you are beautiful.

bonnie said...

ditto.

when I weighed 104 pounds I discovered there is no such thing as THIN ENOUGH.

Ashmystir said...

I know how you feel. We all have our ups and downs. Just don't believe what that stoopid voice in your head is telling you.

=D

Train Wreck said...

hmmm, what a post to come and meet you! I haven't had a chance to get to know you, yet... However your friends have good and blunt points! I love"Skylyers Dad" That is what I would think and say. I have been fortunate to have the genetics that I am the size I am.The last several years I have struggled to stay the weight I am happy with. It does take motivation, and work.
I realized it makes me more happy when I can reach my goal, and I will stick with my workout and good eating habits. I tend to eat more and work out less when I cannot keep the pounds at bay! It is a never ending battle that you must choose to fight.
Now, great to meet ya! Thanks for stopping by. I am just bruised, but it doesn't hurt too bad! I hope you get to the point you are happy! That is what will make all the difference!

ambergail77 said...

Much of what you have said is in my mind as well. Of course we all want to be thinner and in turn healthier. Funny how the thing we find comfort in is the thing that makes us uncomfortable. I personally think your personality expressed in your blog is wonderful, and numerous entires have shown us your kind soul. But I too am fat, so my opinion may not count. Hugs to you.

Doc said...

Go ahead and love the skin you're in.

Doc

I Smile 2 Much said...

Regardless of *that* adjective....(I'm dang feisty and I refuse to use "that" word because I'm a stubborn rebellious brat like that is why)

You are *you*..... and at the core of it all- THAT's what matters. What's inside you. And I'd place BIG money against anyone who wants to argue with me and says you aren't truly BEAUTIFUL. (Damnit I'm frickin feisty tonight, huh?) *smiles*

Healthy & thin can come in all shapes and sizes.

I luv your post because it reflects your thoughts and what you were feeling. And because I love & value authenticy more than anything else.

Keep being you. Be the *you* that you enjoy being. You dont hafto prove yourself to anyone but I think you already know that.

You seem sooo incredibly strong. That seems very obvious to me.

Okay- off my soapbox and back into lurking I'll go now ; )

*sweet smiles to you*

Anndi said...

You're self-aware... few people are.

I admire that.

Ann said...

Aw darlin'. Not sure how to respond bc I'm unsure of the extent to which I hear either self-hate or acceptance here....

cook eat FRET said...

this is my biggest struggle - my biggest disability. i have gained a lot since i met you. it is an awful feeling for me...

i need to get a grip. i feel like shit and i am self conscious. it's not about being 'hungry' it's about choices. i never eat junk. i just eat too much. all the pretty is starting to go away and it is freaking me out. i've been here before and it is so hard to get back on track. especially with what i do...

coopernicus said...

I am fat because I'm afraid to be thin and attractive. The assumption being you have to be thin to be attractive?? what a load of nonsense...attractiveness comes from the inside...the outside makes no difference...

elizabeth said...

I was fat. After having two kids in 23 months I went from a size 6 to a size 12 in what felt like overnight. Then it just stayed for a lot of the same reasons you have listed here. Some different. My ex used to tell me I was fat and ugly - so eventually after years of it I became exactly that. Here I am two + years later... a size 4. I wasn't even this little in highschool - yet by body suits it quite well. It was hard work. But I woke up one day and decided I would bust my ass. I did. And here I am. I am glad of it - but even before I did it I learned to love myself again. I just want to be healthy and fit and live a long time with the man who makes me feel like a goddess no matter what. It's worth sticking around for to feel that loved... hugs to you!

Indigo said...

Being ourselves isn't always easy. We're constantly finding fault.I know, I've been there. If you can be happy with your inner self, then you are half way to being happy with your outter self, jsut be 'you.'...>>>>>>>> hugs<<<<<<<<<<<<<< to you. Your photo of you is gorgeous