Thursday, September 16, 2010

My Worst Fear. Too Close.


One of my friends and I have had many conversations about "the worst." When you know how lucky you are. When you meet the love of your life. When things are going so perfectly, even thought they're just normal everyday things. When you love so many people and they love you right back. When your heart is so happy it feels like it could explode.


The worst can happen. It can stop.

My cousin lost the love of her life to cancer. Four weeks ago they told her that he had a couple of months to live. He didn't. Monday night he asked if he could lay his head on her lap and sleep. When she woke up the next morning, he was gone.

I've just returned from the funeral home, where she took me by my arm to see Michael in a suit, lying in his casket. My heart broke right in half as she tucked his hair behind his ears and smoothed his tie as if he was only sleeping.

She wasn't weeping. She didn't fall apart. I am amazed by her composure and how she always spoke of him with love in her voice.

The love that was still there chokes me. And her love was the only love left. Not that she doesn't have memories, but once you've had *it*....will memories be enough?

20 comments:

Charlene said...

Well that is about the saddest thing I've read about. So sorry for your and her loss.

Micky-T said...

I'm sorry to hear of your friends tragedy. We all, are so vulnerable.

Mike Golch said...

Bummer,I'm saddened by your friends lose.

Scarlet Ily said...

This is heartbreaking. A love like that is rare and beautiful and I am so sorry for her loss.

J.J. in L.A. said...

My mom had 6 weeks to get used to the idea of her hubby's death. He'd had Leukemia for 4 years but went downhill very fast. We all were hoping that she'd grieve but she was very stoic. Til his burial. We were actually glad that she finally gave in and cried. I hope your friend finds the time to cry. It's healing.

I'm sorry for her/your loss, hon.

Evil Twin's Wife said...

I'll be praying for your cousin. They will be together again someday, so the love is not completely "lost". <3

nitebyrd said...

My condolences. She'll always have his love. She will keep it with her and the memories.

yogurt said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
yogurt said...

The tears will come. She'll need you in the months to come. I'm so sorry for your cousin's loss.

Dana said...

Not that she doesn't have memories, but once you've had *it*....will memories be enough?

My experience says no - the craving for *it* can easily become overwhelming and all consuming.

I am sad to hear of her loss.

CheekyMonkey said...

Sweetie.. you know how I feel about this. The part where you don't wnat to talk about how amazing it is for fear that you'll jinx it, just enjoy it as much as possible NOW. ::Hugs:: to you and your cousin..I can't fathom...

Akelamalu said...

Oh God this so choked me up. :(

I feel for your cousin. I'm sending Reiki to help ease her grief - though that will be a hard thing to do I'm sure. x

SkylersDad said...

Unfortunately, I have had a lot of deaths in my life. The grief cycle is odd, and little things suddenly trigger a powerful memory that catches you by surprise.

It isn't linear, going from hard to easy, but rather like a roller coaster.

Dragon said...

Wow, heartbreaking and so fast. I am so sorry for you and your cousin and your family.

Dragon said...

Wow, heartbreaking and so fast. I am so sorry for you and your cousin and your family.

Dragon said...

Wow, heartbreaking and so fast. I am so sorry for you and your cousin and your family.

Jaimey said...

I am sorry for your friends loss. I can't imagine. :( Hugs friend.

Palm Springs Savant said...

So sad indeed. Life is so short as it is, and for those tragedies to happen make it even more difficult. Stuff like that reminds us to all live in the moment and appreciate every single day.

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

So sorry for your cousin and her family and friends.

Losing your heart must be the most painful thing that can happen to you (besides losing a child.

Teri and the cats of Furrydance said...

It's very hard...I lost my husband to an aneurysm in 2007 and still long for what we had, but with therapy am trying to find meaning in life...the cats help.