Guest Post: Needle In The Haystack, Chapter 5

It became clear, early on, that Emma and I were both capable writers. As is often the case, I just assumed that most people write well but quickly discovered that "most people" don't read Craig's List. This was confirmed be Emma's next response:

You certainly know how to write, LouAnne...which separates you from the CL pack right out of the box.

Your background is very interesting. Definitely more bi than mine, as I never so much as kissed another woman on the lips until a few months ago. But my sexual fantasies have always centered on women. I've had a very solid sex life with my husband for 20+ years and cannot imagine a more wonderful mate. But in general, I'd have to say I'm slightly more attracted to women than men (though I do think the penis is a marvelous creation).

As I analyze why I've finally decided to act on this desire to be intimate with a woman, I think I've reached a sort of "carpe diem / now or never" point that's my version of a mid-life crisis. The trigger may have been the death of my dearest friend about a year ago. She died of a very aggressive cancer that spread from organ to bone to organ within a period of months. I had known her for over 35 years. She was my maid of honor, the godmother of our oldest child and closer to me than many sisters are. While I have many other casual friends, she was my only truly close friend. Our relationship was strictly platonic, but it was also very intimate. So I'm thinking her death left a void that this adventure of mine is seeking to fill, in part, in a different way. That's just speculation, but it seems almost too much of a coincidence to think there is no link between the two developments.

In any event, I'd be delighted to chat further with you. I believe I already gave you my cell phone number -- XXX-XXX-XXXX. If, after we talk on the phone, we feel it makes sense to get together, one possibility would be to meet on Saturday, Nov. 1, when I'm thinking of heading to Franklin Mills Mall to do some power shopping. This Thursday, my husband and I are flying to Las Vegas for a long weekend so that would be the first open weekend for me. Of course, I'd also be happy for you to come down to DC if you so desire.

Look forward to speaking with you,

Emma

Clearly, my attempt at dragging this out via email wasn't working very well. Emma had given me her phone number - again - and was expecting a call. Not only that, she was proposing a date for a meeting. I should be excited, right? Thrilled that she seems as interested in me as I am in her? Yet there is one thing causing me a great deal of anxiety – I hate talking on the phone. This isn't a debilitating anxiety, but it's pretty darn close. It's a challenge for me to call to order Chinese take-out. What's worse is that this is an irrational fear and I know it. I decide to be upfront and honest with Emma, even if it makes me seem ridiculously insecure.

Thanks for the compliment Emma! I enjoy writing and find it to be somewhat of a lost art these days. Seems that texting has gotten the best of the under 40 crowd and the grace of phrases as simple as "Are you?" have been replaced by just letters - somehow r u just doesn't do it for me!

I had to laugh at your "I do think the penis is a marvelous creation" statement. I find the same to be so true. In fact, the human body - male or female - can be quite erotic in its own, individual way.

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your friend, but do appreciate you sharing the story with me. Sometimes it takes a significant event to put things into perspective. I know I've had a bit of my own mid-life crisis - one where I needed to evaluate the life I wanted vs. the life I was living. I've known for years who I am, but have been afraid to be that person. I like to think that as I get older societal pressures and assumptions mean far less.

I have a confession though - I have a bit of a phone phobia. I know ... sounds odd ... but I think it stems from my need to be able to read the body language of people I speak with (something I've found to be far more dependable than just listening to the words). That said, I do think making contact with you on the phone is the next, logical step. Would tomorrow (Wednesday night) work for you?

I am also quite excited about the prospect of a trip to Franklin Mills Mall. It's only about a 90 minute drive from here. I have no plans for that weekend, so it would work well for me. I suppose it is best for us to discuss that further during our phone call.

I am a bit envious of your long weekend trip to Vegas. Do enjoy yourself!

LouAnne

Again, I found myself fretting over her response. Here I was, telling a "stranger" - one that I'm hoping to learn more about - that talking on the phone scares me! Great … I guess I could just wear a sign around my neck proudly proclaiming "I'M A NUT JOB." I was certain this latest exchange would have her running away quickly. Instead, I received this reply:

Thanks for the nice note, LouAnne. You raised more questions than you answered, which will make for a very interesting meeting when we get together. Phone call doesn't need to last long -- we just need to verify our gender. Re; shopping...just as you admitted to a phone phobia, I have to admit to a distaste for shopping. To me, it's a necessary unpleasantness, so what I'd like to do is do our shopping separately and then get to the enjoyable part -- where we meet, have a glass of wine, maybe have some lunch and get to know each other. If it feels right and the wine goes to our heads, maybe we hit a dressing room together for a bit of preliminary exploration. Or maybe we hit it off, decide we'll meet again and leave it at that for the time being. Or...worst case scenario... We decide it wasn't meant to be. In any event, I get the feeling from our few exchanges to date that you and I could, at a minimum have a fascinating conversation. So I'm glad you're up for it.

Why don't we pencil in a date for a long, leisurely lunch at Franklin Mills on Nov.1?

You could call me for a very quick conversation tomorrow during the day, if convenient.

Talk to you soon,

Emma

The only thing standing in my way of this fascinating woman was dialing 11 digits on my cell phone. How difficult could that be? It was the longest 2 hours and 37 minutes in my recent memory.