Guest Post: Needle In The Haystack, Chapter 2

Months pass. There was a chance cyber meeting with someone, a man, who read my blog. A wonderful cyber lover friendship quickly ensued. Boundaries were established and agreed to, and just as quickly crossed and forgotten. One night, during a little D/s role play via chat, he instructed me to write a Craig's List Ad to search for the woman I wanted – needed – to satisfy my emotional and sexual needs. He would approve it before I posted it. He would be part of the selection process. His interest in me finding this woman – this needle in a haystack – was selfless. He didn't want a part of the actual intimacies, but rather he wanted the opportunity to help me fulfill my long denied desires. Forty-eight hours later, I posted the following:

Married, bi female looking for the proverbial needle in the haystack. It's been 20 years since I was involved in a physical relationship with another woman and I miss it. I sold my soul to the expectations of society and family – married – had children – live in suburban "bliss". Now, in my mid-forties, I realize that I gave up a piece of myself, a piece that I want back. I won't be leaving my husband and my family, but I will, once again, explore the feminine intimacies I so dearly miss.

I am intelligent, educated, articulate, attractive and femme - height/weight proportionate. My interests are varied. I am just as thrilled to have a discussion surrounding politics or religion as I am talking about the great recipe I just found for a Tomato and Mozzarella Frittata. I am fit and physically active.

You should be emotionally mature and relatively drama free (we all have a bit of drama, don't we?), preferably between 35 and 50. I hope to find a woman in a similar situation, one who understands the importance of discretion in this type of relationship, one who appreciates the attention, the touch, the kiss of a woman. Maybe we start with a few emails, a phone call or coffee, and then see where things go.

Please, no men or couples - I am looking for an exclusive, intimate female friendship. A (tasteful) photo of you will get the same of me in return.


I immediately had posters remorse. What if no one answered the ad? What if someone did? What if somehow my anonymity was compromised? What if one of my children's schoolmates mother answered the ad? Was I crazy?

I was in such a panic that I sent all of the questions, along with a copy of the ad, to the only friend I knew could possibly understand. She assured me that I wasn't crazy (my foremost concern), but had some concerns as well.

She felt I was looking for someone just like me and questioned just how realistic that was. She wondered if I really did want another woman who was in a heterosexual relationship. And if I did, why? What if I fell in love? Was I ready for those consequences? Would I possibly prefer a one-night stand (a much easier and less complicated solution)? Now my head was really spinning.