Dirty Little Girl

When I saw the images of Bettie Page today in stories of her passing, it brought back a memory. My mother was always a snooper, so I come by it quite honestly. While looking for something else, I found a shoe box in the guest bedroom. I was around 12 years old. The perfect age for curiosity to get the best of me.

Inside were postcards, pictures and tiny little calendars with girls on them. Pictures very similar to the one above. Some naked. Some scantily clad. All of them were gorgeous. Nothing like I'd seen before.

I would sneak down that box and look whenever I was left alone in the house. My mother had kept the calendar because it was full of dates that she had been on when she was single.

What a feast for the eyes. Rest in peace, Bettie.

Are You Feelin' Lucky?

I wrote all of your names down and placed them in a pile for Trace and let her randomly choose the names. Yes, I know...Trace is VERY talented. Someday, she'll have to show you all of her tricks.

But for today, just in case you can't see the video...the winners of my second Pay It Forward are:

Adamity Bomb Bomb from Louie Pit Bull (and Ollie Beagle)
Vodka Mom from I Need A Martini Mom
Brad from Kuboto Farm

Be prepared to receive something fun and exciting! First, I'll need your snail mail addresses.

Congrats to the winners!

Who Wants My Box?

Scarlet, over at As Good As It Gets played the Pay It Forward game and I was one of her lucky winners! I love reading Scarlet's blog. She's always having margaritas with a hottie, chatting with her dad about Cuba, or sketching some nekkid man. If I lived anywhere close, I'd be sketching nekkid with her!

Friday, I walked out the side door and there sat a box. But I hadn't ordered anything. When I looked, it was from way down in Miami! It was SCARLET'S BOX!!!!!

Inside was a card and three little wrapped packages.

#1~ A sweet Christmas card!

#2~ Freakin' Hilarious Cocktail napkins. YAY!

#3~ Wine stoppers. Scarlet, are you peeking into my windows at night? I'm always trying to force the cork back in and then turning it upside down. Pushing harder. Sqeeeeezing.

#4~ Margarita popsicle makers! Now, you're reading my mind. I've looked all over for popsicle molds. We have a little Mexican Paletta shop in town that has the BEST popsicles. I've been dying to try my hand at popsicle making!

I played last year and it was SO much fun! Now, it's my turn to Pay It Forward. This is how it works:

According to the rules, “the exchange focuses on doing an act of kindness without expecting anything in return other than that the recipient will, in his/her turn, pass the kindness along and pay it forward in his/her own way. I agree to send something fun, inspiring or uplifting to three random commenters. In turn, those three will post this information and pick 3 people they want to send something to and so on."

There you go. Easy game. You comment. I pick. You get stuff. You post. You pick. You send stuff. And So on.

Comment dammit! I'll give you all until Friday and then Trace will choose the three winners!

P.S. If you don't wanna play, just say so in your comment.

Rules Were Made To Be Broken

My buddy Jormengrund (dude, where'd you come up with that name?) tagged me. I hate being tagged. It's so much pressure. And frankly, they're hard. Seven weird things about me? SEVEN? Seriously, I'm just not that weird.

But since Jor is amusing the hell out of me lately, I'm going to play along. But I won't tag you. Fair enough?

So, here you go. Every little weird thing you ever wanted to know about me...

1. If you tell me to do something, it goes to the bottom of my list if you want me to do it or the top if you don't. I despise to be told what to do. I'm a libra. You must entice me. Manipulate me. Trick me, even. But don't ever TELL me. This is precisely why I never planted my pansies this Fall. Both my girl and my mother kept telling me that it was time. My girl finally planted them last week. See! I might be a tad stubborn as well.

2. I do everything in the exact same order in the shower. If I wash my hair before I brush my teeth, the entire day is off. I feel like my teeth are dirty and my hair's too clean!

3. I sing (aka howl) "Over There"

O-ver there, o-ver there, send the word, send the word, o-ver there,
That the Yanks are com-ing, the Yanks are com-ing,
The drums rum-tum-ming ev'-ry where

with Isaac, the white dog, first thing in the morning as I'm peeing. He comes in and stares at me until I start howling. Okay, maybe that's a *tad* weird. No words, just howling to the tune. Then, Trace will join in and I'll quit howling to enjoy them howling. That would be a damn funny vlog, wouldn't it?

4. I made out with my best friend at a party right after we met and before I met my girl. It might not seem weird to you, but it does to me. You know how you end up being friends with someone that you were totally hot for and then, it seems strange that you ever felt that way?

5. I think James Spader is a fox and I would totally do him. Until he was in the bedroom all naked with whiskers and a tally-wacker and then I'd probably just wanna talk.

6. I took piano lessons for seven years during my childhood. When I was old enough to say no to the lessons, I never once touched a piano again. I hate performing. Oh, I think this may just be #1 all over again!

7. My thumbs are put on backwards. Maybe some day I'll show you.

Dammit, Claire

Perhaps you remember my story about Claire, the girl with whom I work out. Or used to, before we moved into the new house. I've been a slacker for the last six weeks.

I checked out her latest pics today, and saw that up there. Man, look at that muscle definition. I *know* that's what you're looking at. I'm so amazed at her progress. Now, don't get me wrong, she was in really great shape to begin with. Thin and toned, but not like THAT.

I miss working out for six weeks and she does THAT? Without any help from photoshop, she looks stunning!

Just one more reason why I've decided to fit the powerlifting workout back in to my schedule.

To LOOK like Claire! Or to look AT Claire.

You decide.

Asparagus, You Little Stinker!

Saturday night, we were invited to a birthday dinner. We arrived to Red Pepper Hummus with Pita Chips, Shrimp with Chimichurri, and a hot Spinach Dip. Dinner promised to be an incredible spread.

The hostess poured us Grey Goose L'Orange Vodka with Fresca. I became tipsier and tipsier as we inched closer to dinner. I knew that the evening would lead to a tangled, mess of sheets.

With a linen napkin in my lap, I was passed the Pork Tenderloin, Herb Roasted Potatoes and oh no...not that.

Asparagus.

I was sitting right next to the hostess. I couldn't get out of eating it. I knew as I took the first bite, the evening's ending of hot, girl sex had just bitten the dust.

When we arrived home, she reached around me, kissing my neck from behind.

"Nope."

"Nope?"

"Babe, we both had asparagus. You know it's coming. That smell!"

"So?"

"So nothing's happening."

"I don't mind."

"I don't care."

And right then and there, two perfectly willing lesbians went to sleep.

Thank goodness the Right Wing, Anti-Gay movement doesn't know about the crippling effects of asparagus!