15 Ways to Predict Divorce

~*~*~

Another guest post by Dana



~*~

After last week's tirade discussion on open relationships, I thought I'd give equal time to "traditional" relationships.

I was reading [THIS] article titled 15 Ways to Predict Divorce. I'm a big fan of statistics ... and George Burgy's definition of statistics:

Statistics: A bunch of numbers running around looking for an argument.

That said, if you look at statistics as an indicator rather than as fact, there is usually at least some value in the data. So what are the some of the indicators your marriage will end in divorce?

*NOTE* If you are interested, the original article gives sources for all data.

1. If you're a married American, your marriage is between 40 and 50 percent likely to end in divorce.

I think we are all pretty familiar with this statistic, yet we are a persistent bunch. The good news? Divorces peaked in the 1980's and has steadily dropped since that time.

2. If you live in a red state, you're 27 percent more likely to get divorced than if you live in a blue state.

I'm just a "red" person living in a blue state. Wonder what that means for me??

3. If you argue with your spouse about finances once a week, your marriage is 30 percent more likely to end in divorce than if you argue with your spouse about finances less frequently.

Keep those arguments about the bank account to two or less per week!

4. If your parents were divorced, you're at least 40 percent more likely to get divorced than if they weren't. If your parents married others after divorcing, you're 91 percent more likely to get divorced.

This statistic surprised me - really surprised me.

5. If only one partner in your marriage is a smoker, you're 75 percent to 91 percent more likely to divorce than smokers who are married to fellow smokers.

I'd guess this is true of any bad habit/behavior. Remember, sharing bad habits/behaviors leads to successful marriages!

6. If you have a daughter, you're nearly 5 percent more likely to divorce than if you have a son.

Interesting ...

7. If you're an evangelical Christian adult who has been married, there's a 26 percent likelihood that you've been divorced—compared to a 28 percent chance for Catholics and a 38 percent chance for non-Christians.

Of course they don't mention that 67 percent of those evangelical Christian marriages are miserable ...

8. If you live in Wayne County, Indiana, and are over 15 years old, there's a 19.2 percent chance that you've been divorced.

Apparently Wayne County Indiana has the highest divorce rate of any county in the country. Who knew?

9. If both you and your partner have had previous marriages, you're 90 percent more likely to get divorced than if this had been the first marriage for both of you.

The article indicates this number is skewed by what they call "serial marriers." I think this number likely has more to do with the fact that second (or third or fourth) marriages often require there be relationships with ex's and "shared" children.

10. If you're a woman two or more years older than your husband, your marriage is 53 percent more likely to end in divorce than if he was one year younger to three years older.

If you are going to be a cougar, just use him as a play-toy!

11. If you're of "below average" intelligence, you're 50 percent more likely to be divorced than those of "above average" intelligence.

According to Richard Herrnstein and Charles Murray's controversial 1994 bestseller The Bell Curve, those with IQs of 100 face a 28 percent probability of divorce in the first five years of marriage, compared to just a 9 percent probability for those with IQs of 130.

Marry smart!

12. If you've been diagnosed with cervical cancer, your likelihood of getting divorced is 40 percent higher than standard rates; it's 20 percent higher if you've been diagnosed with testicular cancer.

Hmmm ...

13. If you have twins or triplets, your marriage is 17 percent more likely to end in divorce than if your children are not multiple births.

I'm actually surprised this percentage isn't higher.

14. If you're a female serial cohabiter—a woman who has lived with more than one partner before your first marriage—then you're 40 percent more likely to get divorced than women who have never done so.

Serial cohabiter ... *gigglesnort*

15. If you're in a male same-sex marriage, it's 50 percent more likely to end in divorce than a heterosexual marriage. If you're in a female same-sex marriage, this figure soars to 167 percent.

Makes me wonder why divorce attorneys haven't spearheaded legislation to make same-sex marriages legal all across the country!

If those numbers weren't depressing enough, feel free to tempt fate further by visiting economist Betsey Stevenson's Divorce Calculator. It allows you to input personal demographic information to determine the probable failure success of your marriage.

I'm thinking 87 percent of people who share the results of the Divorce Calculator with their spouse will likely find themselves in divorce court!

~*~*~

The Lesbian Cowboy from SkyDad

Brought to you by one of my favorite bloggers, Skyler's Dad.

If you're ever having a hard day and need a laugh, you'll always find something great over at his house! Guaranteed. Poke around over there.

You'll be blown away by this man.

I'll Say Hello To Santa For You!

I'm totally going to fly right there! Right by the North Pole! From Newark to Beijing. Don't forget to sign up down there if you want to be in the drawing for the "thing" that I bring back for my peeps!

My aunt wants a red silk scarf. I might bring you one of those. Or maybe some seaweed? Tea anyone? Pearls? Jade? It might not be extravagantly expensive, but I can assure you, you won't already have one!

Pack Your Suitcase!

....and then take half of all of your clothes out. That's the advice that my uncle gave to us all. I might be the only one that believes him. I don't want to be lugging a bunch of crap that I'm not going to wear all over China like I did in South America.

But honestly, it makes me nervous.

I'm a Libra. I like choices. What if I'm not in the mood for the green shirt with the brown capris? I guess I'll get in the mood. Now I need some packing material to stuff in there to take up the room. We can't have Jack rolling around!

Who wants to go? I have room for ONE of you...as long as you're small and don't mind whiskey!

Pray for Jack

Because he's in my luggage. I've packed a Collector's Edition bottle of Old No. 7 for our guide. Here's hoping he stays in one piece. Otherwise, I'm going to smell like I've been marinating the entire trip!

Is It Just a Peanut Buster Parfait?

~*~*~

Another guest post by Dana



~*~

Can we talk? I have had a very ... well ... let's call it a creative and diverse sexual past. I admit to having been involved in a handful of open relationships in my life, but interestingly enough, not when I was married. No, my involvement in open relationships has always been as the third person coming into an open marriage.

In the past, I've been an advocate of non-monogamous, polyamorous relationships. I've touted the idea that expecting one person to meet all of your needs for the rest of your life is nothing short of insanity. But ... but ...

Is it possible that the cons of an open relationship agreement outweigh its pros? I mean, cheating - deceiving someone you love - feels horrible no matter if you are the one cheating or the one being cheated on, so could creating a system of rules for cheating actually prove to be helpful? Does transparency in cheating lessen the stress of an affair? Is the true immorality of cheating the act of dishonesty rather than the act of sex itself?

The goal of an open relationship is to never have to lie. Those involved in this lifestyle insist that this atmosphere creates an opportunity for incredible communication, deeper intimacy and the opportunity to thrive as your fullest self.

In a nutshell, the idea is that if you truly love your partner, you want them to live their fullest life, flings and all. In open relationships, flings are nothing more than superficial sensory delights. There's no difference between your partner enjoying a Dairy Queen Peanut Buster Parfait without you and your partner enjoying a blond with blue eyes without you.

And what about jealousy? Most open relationships make strong distinctions between sex with others and romance with others. Couples who practice open relationships typically agree to keep their primary partner first at heart no matter who else they mingle with.

But what then is the point of a committed relationship? For me, the whole point is to show your love and commitment by protecting your union with fidelity. There's a great deal of calm and security that comes from knowing your partner is directing his or her love and attention to you and you alone.

For me, a healthy relationship requires you both to bring out your best selves. Sure, it might take a shit load little willpower to resist the lure of extracurricular sex, but this discipline is for the greater good. Calm and security may not sound as exciting as sex, sex and more sex, but I believe it brings far more happiness in the long run. This security brings with it the confidence of knowing your partner is committed to you "till death do you part" rather than until their next Wednesday evening date.

In my opinion, an open relationship is pretty much the opposite of a committed relationship. It seems to be about avoiding commitment, one of the cornerstones of a happy and successful relationship. You may be able to agree on the "rules for cheating" in an intellectual way, but doesn't the emotional nature of love always get in the way?

Looking back on things, I firmly believed that open relationships are merely an excuse for getting away with behaving self-indulgently and recklessly.

Dating is for making the most of your options. Commitment is for nurturing the one wonderful union you've been lucky enough to find so it grows into something incredibly wonderful.

Finding statistics on the success of open relationships is surprisingly difficult. It seems that open relationships aren't something we talk about all that openly ... unless you happen to be an anonymous infidelity or "lifestyle" blogger.

So what do you think? Are open relationships something that work? Are proponents of open relationships the ones that really have it figured out? Is being "kind-of" committed enough?

~*~*~